Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch

Happy birthday Kit!

Happy Birthday!!!!!

Hugs and head nods all around as appropriate.

willowtigger needs a off button

Happy birthday!

Wow! Thanks for all the happy birthday wishes, couchies! I had a good birthday. We didn't go to Olive Garden last night because I was too full from all the food at work, but we are going to go on Saturday, so yeah! Something to look forward to. My T sent me a card in the mail for my birthday and put a really nice message for me in it. It was precious to me.

I fear the depression is back. I had a bit of reprieve yesterday on my birthday but it seems like it is back today. Yuck.

GP appointment today at 2. Don't know if I will bring up the whole psych eval thing from last time or not. Definitely need to talk to her about the nausea I am having in the mornings and I need a couple of prescriptions filled.

Yesterday was the first in-person session in two weeks. We did have two phone sessions during this time period. There was also an unanswered email during this time period, but he did answer the one I sent when I was in the hospital. He made a comment yesterday about how we had made it through this time away. My initial reaction, although I didn't say it out loud, was WE didn't make it through ****, I made it through. I feel like actually telling him this would make me kind of a jerk because we did have two phone sessions, but this whole incident and the timing with his vacation and subsequent trip to his clinical site have triggered feelings of abandonment in me. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. Am I just an ungrateful asshole?

No, NP_Complete, you are not ungrateful nor an a-hole. You are a person who has emotions that got triggered by abandonment--perceived or actual. And you are hurting. You can tell your T and work through it. Or you can work through it on your own and feel the pain and hurt and all that stuff. I've done both/either so I know it's hard. I'm sorry you are hurting. HUGS Kit

You're definitely not an ungrateful asshole! I'd be bothered by the "we made it through" as well. I think my T has said things like that--well, more like *I* made it through, not *we*--or that I did well, and I'd be thinking to myself "Actually, it was quite a bit of a struggle."

Hugs, NP. Maybe you could tell him that the last two weeks triggered feelings of abandonment in you, even though you were able to talk a couple times and are grateful for that? And maybe include the part about how you don't want to feel this way but you do? Perhaps even your fears that you're an ungrateful asshole?

You said it so well, LT.

Even though you had limited contact NP, he still left you in the lurch at a time when you needed support. You are not an ungrateful person at all.

Hugs, Kit. Maybe going up on the Latuda will help?

Yeah maybe. I see pdoc on the 14th of July so we'll see.

Back in ER. Yay.

Oh no, NP. Blood pressure super high again? I hope everything is okay.

Also you are not an ungrateful a-hole. I too would probably feel a little (or maybe a lot) abandoned by a two week break, especially knowing your time is ending.

Yes, HBP again. They did a cat scan of my head this time. Hopefully that's normal. This is scary. I emailed P earlier. He called me back after his client so that was really appreciated.

Oh no, I hope you're OK!

I hope you're okay, NP. I'm sorry you're going through this.

This is the truth of therapy. It’s really the client who makes it through, and credit should go to them.

So, tomorrow begins the last weekend of my 50's! I think I've finally reached the point of being okay with turning 60. It was really wiggin' me out there for awhile...

CT was normal. BP still high but they sent me home. Apparently I irritated the nurse by asking what I should do if it spikes again because all they did at the ER was give me a pill that I'm already taking. Guess next time, I'll save the trip and just take an extra pill.

I'm sorry, NP. That seems like a super reasonable question to me. Ugh.

I met with my therapist yesterday morning. We're meeting about once a month now. It reminded me how absolutely wretched I felt a year ago for no apparent reason. We're meeting in person next month for the first time since the beginning of 2020 and I am just now out of the blue a little weirded out by the idea.