Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch

Couch poll: Do any of your Ts use white noise machines? I wish mine would. Or even a radio playing music in the waiting room. No idea why the staff stopped playing music.

It really bugs me how bad sound transfers in my therapist's current clinic. She's always surprised when I bring it up, saying they get few complaints... but I'm of the opinion that people just don't complain. I wouldn't care about unintelligible speech, but I literally can hear short phrases?

I sit on the end furthest away from the therapy room already, and I wait outside the clinic door sometimes.

I've a portable white noise machine a friend gifted me, but ideally it should be hung outside the door, which I can't do.

I hope hanging it inside the room from the door handle works. Or putting it on the furthest corner of the couch.

My T does not, but at most, I've only ever met his next client passing on the stairs. Noone ever waits in the 2 chairs in the hallway, my and the other T's in the flat always have their patients wait in their room.

My current one does not, but I've never really heard much in the hallway and definitely nothing from the waiting room--the way it's laid out, it's fairly distanced from the actual offices. They did use white noise machines outside the doors at the first location of ex-T and ex-MC's office (don't think they had at the second, I forget). I think they helped, as I didn't hear anything from the waiting room (well, aside from a client, I think a child, screaming, but a white noise machine won't help with that!)

I do think it could help to have it inside the room, too. When I've done Zoom sessions at my house, I use both a fan outside the door and a white noise machine inside the room. If nothing else, I think the white noise would help to sort of blur/muffle the sound, so it would be harder for someone outside to hear what you or your T were saying.

Having chairs in the hallway looks pretty awkward, it seems!

I miss her old clinic which had a hallway, sigh. Therapy offices where I live don't seem to care about privacy, the walls tend to be thin, with crappy doors.

I'll have to try the white noise machine the next time I see my T. Gotta find a way to test it, without taking up too much session time, definitely. I don't think me having extra sensitive ears (I struggle to understand speech in noisy environments others have no problem in), so I really don't believe my T. Few people complaining doesn't mean there's adequate privacy. After all, her room still doesn't even have a trashcan for tissues (despite tissue boxes), after 3 years?

I had a panic attack at my GP's office yesterday. UGH. When I got into the room with the nurse, I laid down on the table. She asked me if I was okay. I said I was just anxious. I was trying to control my breathing and reset my limbic system. And I didn't want to feel like I was going to pass out. When the doctor came in, she was like, "Wake up, Kit!" (I was not sleeping!) She finally figured out that I was anxious. She asked me if I had taken an alprazolam which I hadn't so she suggested I take one when I got home. But I didn't need it at home, I needed it at the office. But I got through the appointment. She was nice to me.

My session was supposed to end around now but my Therapist apparently stepped out before I got here and hasn't been back. I think the likelihood is that I will have to reschedule.

You guys are the proverbial two ships passing in the night!

Well the Therapist finally showed up, apparently there was an emergency that she needed to leave the office for.

Were you able to have a session, or do you have to reschedule the appointment?
This would bug me too.

Found a cute pattern for a little crocheted fish, so I'm making them today. I want a bunch of things to bring on my trip late next week to leave around the airports and stuff (eta gosh the pics are huge when you click on them haha):

Adorable fishies Artie!!!! A rainbow one would be cool!

Having such bad anxiety today. I took anxiety medication this morning. It took the edge off but it must be wearing off because it is feeling like it is coming back pretty intensely.

I asked the controller for help balancing an account. She told me she was too busy. That I needed to just go slow. And if I cannot concentrate today to look at it another day. So basically she is not going to help me. This is frustrating as she always tells me she welcomes my questions and stuff but she never actually helps me when I need it. I understand she is busy today but she didn't say, I'd be happy to look at it on Tuesday. So I know she isn't going to review it for me. Sigh. So I went to our outside accounting firm for help. They have had the problem for 2 hours now and no response yet. I have spent 4.5 hours on it and I can't find the discrepancy. The controller hates it when I go to the outside accountants for help because of course, it costs us money. But I listen to the owners who say I can go to them anytime. I did try to go to the controller first. She just wasn't interested in helping me. I am hoping that I can look at it on Tuesday and immediately "see" the problem if the accountants don't get back to me. I've checked, and rechecked, and rechecked, and rechecked my figures. I can't find the mistake. It will drive me bananas. I need to focus on something else for a while. But I think when I try to put it away I feel guilty and so I pick it back up again.

I'm sitting here thinking about L of course because it is Friday between 1-2pm when my sessions used to be. And I figured out why I feel like something is unfinished, because I didn't tell her that something she had said on the phone in November that day she got annoyed at me is what tipped the scales in my weighing the decision whether or not to stop. I hadn't really realized how much of an effect that had had on me before. It's not really bothering me anymore except for that I didn't tell her. That's what's been niggling at me....

Hugs Artie. I suppose if you wanted you could always write L a letter and tell her? I don't know if that would be helpful or not? HUGS Kit

Hugs, Kit. Well, I'd think it's probably not something too easy or obvious if the outside accounting firm hasn't found it yet either. I hope you are able to focus on something else for awhile, and that the other firm gets back to you soon so you can put it behind you. Also hope your anxiety gets better. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

Thanks, Kit. I'll probably just talk to her in my head and 'tell' her that way, I mean I probably know what she'd say anyway and if I wrote her she'd only ask me if I want to come in and talk about it, the whole "You know I don't do therapy by email" schtick. I suppose if I can't resolve it with internal conversations, it might be worth at least a short phone conversation to let her know and get it outta my head.

But man, these t's sure 'get in our heads'. After 10+ years of sessions, L seems to be pretty deeply entrenched and it's hard getting her outta there.

Y'all look what I just got in the mail, my very talented sister made this for me for my birthday (it's Monday):

Happy birthday for Monday, Artie

thanks willowtigger!

Artie, thats darling!

She even made the ball of yarn my favorite color!

Love the shirt Artie!!!

Happy Early Birthday!!!!

Thank you, Artie.

Unfortunately, I am like a dog with a bone.

Relentless.

I don't let something go until I figure the dang thing out! But I seriously cannot find the mistake. It's driving me bonkers!

And the fact that my difficult coworker, the controller, won't help just makes me feel worthless. I'm sure that's tapping into some psychological stuff there. Like when I ask for help with my MI and I don't get it.

I'm tempted to text T. But really, what can she do about it? So I'll wait and talk to her on Tuesday.

I'm looking into bariatric sleeve surgery. Has anyone here had experience with bariatric surgery? How did it affect your psych meds?

This really hurts.