Couch 242: madam i'm adam

HUGS Artie

My last 3 sessions have been so hard. I'm getting drained from it all. I think I need a break from the topic.

My 8 year anniversary of ex-T abandoning me is coming up. I need help with this. I feel the need to write her every year, but at some point I'd like to stop. I have a great therapist in L. I shouldn't need to write ex-T. But I feel if I don't, she won't remember what she did. Even if she just sees my name and throws the letter away, she will remember me. Why is that important to me though? This is why I also need to switch the topic.

Hugs, Scarlet.

Hugs, Artie
Hugs, Scarlet.

I have a rather silly small joy to share, but I guess any joy is a good joy, right? I bought a $9.99 keyboard for my laptop that got delivered today - I just hooked it up - it has the number pad on the right which my laptop doesn't have and I miss, plus, and most importantly, the keys have that like indented circle thing on each one that's like a little nest for your fingers and using it literally makes my heart sing. Is that silly or what? This is the best keyboard ever.

Oh, i HAD to have the number pad on my keyboard when i was working!

I am making apple dump cake. I had never heard of dump cake till I was googling around to see what one could do with a can of apple pie filling.

I have heard of them but never made one. How did you come upon a can of apple pie filling?

It was just sitting there in the back of the pantry. The 50% off sticker suggests it came from the clearance shelf and is several years out of date.

Apple pie filling + cinnamon + nutmeg + 9 ounces gf cake meal (also from the clearance shelf) + packet of lemon cook-and-serve pudding (also from the clearance shelf) + 1 cup butter cut into 16 squares and arranged on top, baked at 350 for 55 minutes…came out pretty well given the provenance of some of the ingredients.

Alchemy!

My work keyboard has the number pad, but my personal laptop doesn't. I didn't want to fork over the extra bucks when I got a new laptop, to get one that had the keypad I thought I could learn to deal, but, nope.

Yum. We used to make those at girl scout camp in those cast-iron dutch oven things with boxed cake mixes & cans of pie filling, we'd dig a hole in the ground the size of the dutch oven, put hot coals in the bottom on the hole, the filled dutch oven on top of the coals, put the lid on, more hot coals on top of the lid, & then bury it with dirt. And hours later would dig it up and have delicious dump cake. Camp was so great.

I once got a separate number pad and attached it to my work computer, and it got all kinds of messed up. Something about buffering.

Yum. Sounds delicious

Therapy was good last night. I didn't want to stop talking to her when it was time, but I did. I really needed that session. And then today I am feeling c-r-a-p-p-y and I texted T. and she responded. And it was lovely. I spent some time also texting the 988 number because I am having suicidal and self harm thoughts and it was pretty helpful. I just felt heard, listen to, seen, validated. I might ask T if she can see me on Saturday.

Hugs Kit. I'm glad you had a good session, and that you are finding some good support, but sad that the feelings are with you.

I have therapy tomorrow and I really don't want to go. I really don't want to have to deal with my T.

Hugs Kit, I'm glad that the session was helpful and that you were able to get some help from texting with her as well. Also sorry that you're having those thoughts and hope that you are feeling better. And, that you can have a session on Saturday with T and that it will also be helpful if you decide to do so.

Hugs, Waterbear.

January is over, praise be, so starting today we are down to only 9 hours of overtime a week (one hour per day for our normal 5-day week, plus a 4-hour 6th day) projected through the end of February. So that's not too awful, I guess. I still think I'm too old for this carp.

Curious, have y'all ever used a phrase where after you said or wrote it, you're like, where did I get that, and what does it even mean?! I just did, writing up some therapy workings-out while thinking about all the fighting between h & I lately. I wrote "Probably half of it is me projecting 6 ways to Sunday." I was all, 6 ways to Sunday? Where did I even get that?! I do read a lot, so I must have seen it in a book, but don't remember. I googled it and it apparently means something like in every possible way, or every possible direction something like that. Just interesting to me.

I've done that before, too! And I have heard that particular phrase, but not recently.

ha, my curiosity about where I got the phrase is probably ALSO me avoiding the realization about projecting.

I just found out today that my diabetes is insulin resistant, so I need to do insulin shots daily now.

I feel like my body is falling apart or is against me.

I know I have SI, but health problems are not the way I want to go... At least not anytime soon! I'm still too young.

Hugs, Scarlet.