Couch 242: madam i'm adam

I am happy to report that my session today went really well. I talked about a ton of things and actually figured out a few really good questions that I need to ask myself/work on answering. We'll see how I do going forward... with our overtime starting to slow down at work now, my stress should be more manageable especially after some of the other stuff gets settled.

I will say one thing - without the annoying feeeelings/transference, I'm much more open. I had no blocks at all today about anything. I didn't even get upset when she called out one of my behaviors as childish. I was like yeah you're right, it is, I'm 60 going on 6 in that regard (the annoying way I have about ending certain sentences with "I don't know" because I don't want to accept responsibility for my thoughts in case I'm wrong.) The other time I use "I don't know" is when I really do know but don't want to say, and that is a whole different monster, and didn't come into play today.

I'm really glad she let me come in for a couple of sessions. It was pretty darn helpful. I felt seen and heard which is what I wanted most of all from them, and she helped me sort through all of my confusing thoughts to come up with good questions to ask myself and start working on answering.

L and I talked some about my health today. I've decided that bariatric surgery is not for me right now. The diet is too strict and I can't assume I can manage it after surgery if I can't manage it now. Maybe one day, but not this year. So I don't need my IUD anymore, so I'm going to have it removed. It's dropped anyways, so they have to take it out. L supports my decision and she says she's not disappointed in me. Having her support and making these decisions have greatly reduced a lot of stress.

Good news/bad news: I won't find out the results of my fibroscan until May. That's the soonest appointment they had available. But I looked at my last two blood labs, and my liver enzymes were in range. So maybe my liver isn't as bad as the doctors were making it out to be?

Now to work on my diabetes...

I have too many health issues.

Hugs, Scarlet. I'm so glad that you have L's support and that it's helping reduce your stress.

Well I need to go do the dishes then head to bed... 4 hours OT in the morning. Night couchies!

Navajo rabbit, I hate being my mother’s executrix.

Much better to be a dominatrix.

Hugs if wanted, @@. I can imagine it's difficult.

Waiting on my GP to either call me back or send me a message through the portal. (Women's health problems.)

Hugs, Kit. Hope you're OK and that you hear back soon.

Hugs, Kit, I hope youi hear something soon!

I'm making this afghan for my friend's dog it's a doggie-ghan ahaha. I showed her an in-process pic and she said it may be too pretty for the dog I guess I better make it people afghan size hahaha

Little Red Wagon This is my new favorite song

i better go to bed instead of having more wine night couch

i am sorry for killing the couch.

You didn't kill it! It just seems particularly quiet the last few days.

I will be so glad to see the back of this day.
Two more sleeps until I next speak with R.
Life is gruelling from all angles.

It is gorgeous!

I hope you don't mind me asking, but how long were you with your ext T for? Do you get a reply back?

Wanting her to remember is not a bad thing. You do not have to forgive anything, but I personally I think the fact that you have been writing a letter to her every year on the date has been triggering for you and holding you back from truly moving on.

Please make me a jumper!!

I love all things knitted at the moment.

HUGS LostOnTheTrail

Hugs, Lost.

I will say that it helped me to stop emailing ex-MC periodically. But, I don't know what the chicken and the egg are here--did it help me move on to stop emailing him? Or had I moved on more, so I felt less of a need to email him? (Though I did still email him when I saw him and wasn't sure if he saw me a year and a half ago. Or whenever that was.)

But Scarlet, I wonder, if it's not too late, if you could try not sending a letter this year, maybe writing it up and talking about it with L, but not sending it? Just see how it feels? Or at least wait a week or two to send it (you can always send it in the end, if that feels better).

My GP got back to me in the portal and said we could discuss options at my next appointment in March. I don't really want to wait that long because it is causing me anxiety. I was having so much trouble sleeping last night because I kept having panic attacks. Today at work, I took some anxiety medicine so I could function but I don't want to do this for the next three weeks. I tried calling this morning to get an appointment sooner but the phone just rang, so I will call back in a bit. They might be short staffed or something today.

I was supposed to see my therapist tonight (telehealth) but she has to go out of town to get some lab work done. I guess it was unexpected. Can't be helped. She texted me last night. I can't tell if I am upset or relieved. But it will be long if we don't talk until next week.

I'm sorry, Kit. I hope you're able to get ahold of them and get a sooner appointment.

Oh Kit I'm so sorry.