Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

Today is the 9th anniversary of ex-T leaving me. And the first year I didn't send her a letter. It's extra sad for me not having a stable relationship with L right now.

Hugs, Scarlet.

Good morning. Hugs and head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

I'm not interested in the royal family much usually, but boy is the recent story exciting... for anyone not up to date, after they suddenly announced Kate had to be in hospital for multiple weeks after abdominal surgery (which many people speculate was a minor surgery or beauty surgery gone wrong), and her still looking horrible on some pictures from like a week or so ago, there was now a picture posted (since tried to be deleted) where she clearly did not have major surgery just a bit ago (she's wearing skinny jeans), it's not taken in the correct season (plants blooming that shouldn't be), and there's multiple edits. After people realized how many bad editing things there were on the picture as well as the clear issues with it, the palace tried to stop the picture from circulating and now there was a twitter apology from Kate, saying she played around with the editing.

Of course nobody believes that, but it's so weird how they repeatedly **** up but still try to show how everything is fine. Makes me really wonder hwo bad that surgery actually went...

Is something wrong with that poor boy's right hand?

Reprobate inbreeding.

I'm not a huge royal family fan- minus Lady Diana Spencer, whose autobiography I read. I think the tweaked photo release was deliberate.

As a few of the world's billionaire's are building bunkers it wouldn't surprise me that they would jump ship first.

Things I’d Say if I Were a Therapist That Prove I Shouldn’t Be a Therapist | The New Yorker

There might be a paywall... but omg.

Yeah well they will still just end up eating each other. I'd rather go fast.

I subscribe, so I'm good.

I admit, it would be sort of awesome if Dr. T did this one:
[Spinning around in chair.] “Wheeeeeeee!”

I mean, maybe not while we were having a really important conversation.

I always knew why I shouldn't be one of those people

the 2nd one. L pretty much said that to me, not in those exact words, but close enough, when she wouldn't let me read something I'd written that I wanted to read to her. (I'd re-written a specific not-good childhood experience as a fairy tale). She already knew what the incident was and apparently did not want to hear it again so she would not let me read the story I wrote. I even told her I'd left out the details but she still said she didn't want to hear it. Why did I stay with her so long?! When I think of all the money I wasted by staying way too long I want to puke. But that's another story and my problem so I'll shut up now.

In todays attachment readings -there was a study where they took avoidant people and anxious people and as part of an experiment - hooked them up to get shocked and did brain scans - for the anxious people having another person be there with with them deactivated the brain and made them calmer and for the avoidant people having another person there caused the brain to panic. I always found it odd when people offered to go to stressful things with me -and my response was always dear god no how would that help? Now I have another person to take care of as well as myself.

Hugs, Artie. I'm sorry she reacted that way. Out of curiosity, was she generally weird about reading your writing? Or just that in particular?

Dr. T has seemed unsure before (I've only gone through with sharing one thing), and he eventually explained that it's because he's unsure what I'm looking for from him on it and is concerned about reacting the wrong way. Like, do I want feedback? Do I just want to share? Etc. His explaining helped some because I kept feeling rejected when I'd say, "I could share this thing with you." We'd been talking about my writing a bunch, so it made sense to share.

Anyway, to your next-to-last sentence: You did what you felt you needed/wanted at the time, which is all you can really do. And for the last sentence, please share all you want!

I'm a "dear god no" myself.

No she was never weird about me reading stuff I'd written. Except about that one story.

You're right, staying was what I wanted at the time, that's for sure, and she certainly never discouraged it, so... I just kept going back until enough was finally enough.

Now, 3+ weeks since I last saw her I'm honestly starting to feel like I escaped a cult or something. Or maybe more accurately like I am (finally) in recovery from an addiction...

Hugs, artie. I still havent "processed" my feeling that i was like an indoor cat darting out an open door in leaving my t. Maybe i will figure it out when i am reincarnated. Or maybe i was a cat in my previous life? I think im just gonna let it sit there. Otherwise i could spend another ungodly amout of time and energy trying to figure it out. It was a feeling, and i am thankful i was open and receptive to it, and that i ultimately acted on it. A feeling obviously sent by the cat-god. Have you seen that cartoon where the dog and cat die, and God asks them blah blah blah and the dog says i have always been a good boy and the cat says to God, You're in my chair.

Did you ask her why?

I don't know if it would help, but the Heidi Priebe person I posted links to the other day - she has a lot of videos and her explanations are some of the few (only ones) that I understand explaining some dynamics between people

Sometimes I read questions, and the way they are written makes me want to respond with "They handed me tablets whilst I was on a Mount".

I always ask them why. Drives some of them nuts, but it’s useful.

Nah, I didn't bother asking. Didn't see a point.

I need to watch some of those videos.

Because right now - you are guessing and making assumptions and if you asked - you would know or know that she wouldn't answer.

Yeah, it drives Dr. T nuts at times for sure. Though now he usually does tell me why. Often, it's helpful. Other times, not so much.

eh, doesn't really matter anymore either way. i just got reminded of the incident from that article, is the only reason i even mentioned it.

i watched one of the videos when you first posted them and it was interesting and forgot i'd intended to go back and watch more.

A colleague just asked a question about my goals for therapy. I feel that's quite personal, and it dawned on me that R and I haven't discussed goals directly since 2019.

Right now R provides the space for me to process my life in the aftermath of Steve's death. We are also working on being comfortable expressing my needs and emotions.

Can that be enough?

I'm very aware that my therapy is none of my colleague's business, too.