Couch 247: Choose Cheese!

No she tends to be intrusive. At least she finally stopped asking me about my brother. He must have given her an earful at some funeral or something.

Shockingly enough, the woman I hired tried the hsp thing with me.
Not shockingly, I rejected it.

And for those that like online tests:
Are You Highly Sensitive? – The Highly Sensitive Person
(it mislabeled me as well)

Is she in her 90s?

Yes she just turned 90. She was the baby of the family and has lived longer than all of them. She seems to be acquiring a bit of sense finally, of laissez-faire.

omg. h and i just had a HUGE fight. I don't even know how it happened. Well I kind of do. I misunderstood him this morning and thought he said we needed to book our flight for visiting our son in May after I got off work today, he said this as he went out the door on a job, at least that was what i heard, but apparently not what he meant. come to find out he meant after the superbowl. Because I started looking at flights when I got off work like I thought he wanted to do and he started yelling at me. I don't know how it spiraled out of control so quickly. well i guess i do because of course i started crying immediately, like i always do when he yells at me like that. He ended up SCREAMING at me that this is probably the last time the 49'ers will go to the superbowl in his lifetime and now he can't enjoy the game, and if he bets on it he'll lose because he yelled at me, and then he yelled at me some more. i wouldn't be suprised if the neighbors heard it. I'm so upset. He went to bed. i want to get drunk.

Hugs, Artie, I'm sorry. You don't deserve to be yelled at just because you misunderstood about when to look at flights. He could have simply said, "Let's just figure it out later." And it's not your fault that it escalated. So what, now he's not even going to watch the Big Game? Just seems very immature on his part...

Thanks LT. apparently there was a lot more built up behind this crap today. He just let out a litany of other things that he's been holding in that he's been mad about for the past 6 months. i asked if he wants a divorce and he yelled some more and said how would that help either of us we'd have to sell the house and find new places to live. he's in there seething, i'm bawling again, and i don't know what to do to make this right.

i can't even get drunk because if I do then i'll say some things I'll likely regret.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this. Maybe I can't.

Maybe it's not on you that he got worked up and nasty over nothing.
Adding alcohol to the issue probably won't help.

I'm holding the hope that you can sleep it off and have a calmer conversation in the morning.

Thanks Lost. Yep, adding alcohol definitely won't help so I'm leaving the wine alone. I did make strawberry waffles and they smelled so good he came out and ate two of them and is now acting like nothing happened, and is watching the game after all. I think I have emotional whiplash.

meanwhile i'm over here still fighting back tears. i could really use a CoDA meeting thisevening I hope the one I usually log on for is on. if not there's lots of other online ones i could log onto surely one will be meeting this evening despite the stupid i mean super bowl.

I don’t want to speak out of turn.

I believe, finance is the worst reason to maintain a marriage.

Artie I'm so sorry to read this. Hope you're feeling a bit better. You did absolutely nothing wrong and don't deserve to be shouted at over something as small as this. Looking at flights is such a normal thing.

Shouting at you shows that he has no respect for you.

What do you want. Just because you are married and value your wedding vows doesn't mean you have to be miserable and white knuckle your way through life. I used to wish my parents would get a divorce because it was so toxic.

Are you happy within your marriage ?

Is this a marriage where you are growing together?

Are you walking on eggshells around H, fearing the next time this will happen?

If you imagined the next two years what would be different? Would he be willing to change? Go to counselling. Or is everything blamed on you?

At our very first session No. 1 recommended the book to me. I started reading it, within pages found a major mistake in it—the author did not understand the role of the Supreme Court in US politics—and immediately quit reading.

ETA: I’m an 8 on the quiz. So there, No. 1.

I got a 14. So just under the threshold (it was "If you answer yes to more than 14 questions").

I got 18. Yeesh. Well I suppose it's no surprise to anyone least of all me. ha

22. You guys are stoics! I however am a delicate flower.

The rarest of them all.

21 here.

I feel like I have taken the test before, but probably didn't save the results.

First session back from Dr. T's vacation, and we had to meet virtually because he's getting over "a very nasty cold" (he said he's tested negative multiple times for Covid). It's hard enough for me to reconnect after a vacation, and this--the combination of it being virtual and his being sick--just made it more difficult. Really hoping he'll be back in the office Wednesday and well enough that he doesn't think he'd be contagious. He said he's at about 80-85% but has been stuck around there for a couple days.

Ugh, I feel weirdly selfish even saying this. There's just a lot to address from my sessions with R last week, plus just life in general. We did talk about some of the R stuff, but I'm not totally sure how I feel about it. I don't know... I'm not even sure what would have made me feel good about it? The same with some of my conversation with H Saturday. It's just weird when I'm afraid of someone being dismissive about something. And then they *aren't* dismissive and seem to be considering what I said. Yet I feel weird/unsettled about it. Did I actually *want* them to be dismissive?

Sorry, this is all sort of vague. Just trying to figure some stuff out about myself that R and a friend suggested last week.

H just left on a job to new mexico, so he'll be gone for probably 12-13 hours. He's totally acting like nothing happened yesterday.

Ugh, I hate when they act like nothing happened. My H has done that, too. I think of times when we were in marriage counseling and I wanted to talk about some fight we'd had, and H would be like, "I don't remember what it was about." While I'd be there crying about what happened.

I guess at least you get some time to yourself?

Oh i would be tempted to change the locks and have amnesia too when he returns!

Seventeen

I often forget a fight by the next day and go on. To me (not saying anyone else is like this) - it is over -why keep harping on it.

I scored 19 on the test - who would have thought.

SD you old softie.

Altho a lot of those questions ARE just "get off my lawn-ism's" -- your too loud, your too shiny, your too scratchy, your too smelly.

So you guys who forget fights would not make it in The Mob - jes' sayin'. Vendetta!