Hard assignment

So some of you may have seen my post about quitting therapy with my T. I did, but I was 'occassionally' seeing another T as well. Someone I get along much better with, but she's only here until April.

But anyways... she gave me an assignment. I find it difficult.

"In 10 minutes, write down 'I am' statements, as many as you can think up".

So I thought "I am human" as one... but she's trying to help me figure out who "I am". But I don't know who I am, just what everyone else SAYS I am.

Oh and I'm supposed to be mindful of 'body cues' when it comes to my emotions. I'm emotionally... not really there. I dont remember memories except for facts... not the emotional side of things.

It seems like no matter what I do, I'm always going to be messed up.

You aint' alone. My t tells me today, " Oh my goodness, i've just figured it out. Your behind.". I was stumped. She said that i'm just getting into the grieving part of what happened to me. She wants me to sit down and write why i think i'm worthless and why i think i'm not. Then write why i blame myself for everything and why i shouldnt. Dos and Don'ts.

Them t's give us some homework that seems impossible to do. Especially when you never liked homework in the first place.

My suggestion is just to try it. What she wants you to do. I've brought homework back to her that are blank pages. I actually get a kick out of the look on her face. But, lately things are feeling a little beter for me and i'm trying a little harder.

I just hope you're able to complete your assingment and dont' worry what you write. Just jot them down real fast like she says. You can do it.

chalmette

Start with your facts, Christina, with things you're comfortable with?

I am intelligent.

That sort of thing. You're trying hard to do the assignment aren't you?

I am hard working.

Do you care? About the assignment, about yourself and its effect on you? About what is said to you and the work?

I am caring.

The trick is not to judge the words. Be literal. If you care about doing the assignment, you are caring. It doesn't have to be emotional or about other people, etc.

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Christina86 said:
It seems like no matter what I do, I'm always going to be messed up.

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You already wrote one - and it's not a positive one. I think that is the point of the 10 minutes - it's free writing - not something to think about. Free association. Just put your pen on the paper and don't take it off the page. Set a timer so you know when to stop w/o looking up. Then you'll see what you really think about.
You can also try that with the hand you don't normally use. Using our dominant hand can block what we think because our brain controls it so well. Use the other and your brain can't censor it as much.
Then you can see the positive and negative and start keeping the positives only.
Kiya