Couch 251: The Matrix Recovered

I can’t wait until I have Target all to myself later. It’s on my list of stops.

I don't plan on watching, so thankfully I won't have to glimpse Mr. Prehensile-lips when they inevitably show him.

I'm tired of the Taylor Swift romance brouhaha. I use the Calm app for its sleep stories and they have one where the Kelce mother is reading one. For some reason that annoys me.

I’m the same, Jersey. When I got my one and only driving ticket (for running a red light too slowly…lol), I was literally shaking so bad when the cop came up. I couldn’t even sign the form correctly. I think it’s because, to me at least, they have so much control and ability to do damage to your life. I don’t think it’s fair that one person gets to decide your fate even if it’s a civil case. That’s too much power.

I'm so enjoying having my son & his gf here!! I got to cook him breakfast again this morning, makes this mama's heart happy! His gf is in the beginning stages of learning how to eat gluten- and dairy-free, so I haven't cooked for her as my son knows exactly what and how to make what she can eat so he takes care of her. (She sprained her ankle badly just before they came so is on crutches, and resting a lot when they're not out visiting friends.) I think we'll probably go out to dinner somewhere tonight, as they leave tomorrow afternoon. It's been so wonderful having them here. I miss my boy!

Now that they're out for a while, I need to settle down and get some writing done.

hugs and head nods all around as wanted/needed appropriate.

Eating gluten free is definitely a learning process. The kids I care for have celiac and it’s been a learning process for me trying to figure out what to give them. Gluten is hidden in so many things. Sauces and stuff. I felt so bad one day I poured a sauce on the little girls food not realizing it had gluten and she was so sick for the rest of the day. I felt terrible.

Their parents keep food with gluten in it in the house?

There’s an app that will scan UPC codes on packaged food and tell you if it’s safe.

They keep food with gluten in the house because mom and dad don’t have celiac disease though after that day-she did start separating their stuff from the kids.

OK, good she started doing that, as it doesn't seem fair to have expected you to know what was OK and what wasn't, particularly for something like a sauce.

There’s still a high risk of cross contamination in a kitchen used to prepare both types of food.

I was always glad ex was gone before I was diagnosed because he would have refused to eat gluten free and I would have been low level sick all the time because of that.

Celiac is genetic. Probably either Mom or Dad has the same gene, but just don’t get noticeably sick.

They are probably not as educated as they need to be-they should probably get on that. In a couple weeks it will be out of my hands. They are very kind people though. Regarding your ex. I’m glad he’s gone.

Cool Whip!

Hugs, Lost. Heading out the door soon, but post here if you like. I hope you're doing OK.

Thanks LT,

I'd planned on today being my last regular check in with the helpline, as my schedule is a little different over the next couple of weeks.
Then I got an email saying that H is unwell today.

The administrator said that they understood it would be helpful to speak to someone I've spoken with before, and offered me a slot that wouldn't work.

So I rang in and spoke to somebody new.
It's been a while since I had to start at the beginning, so I kept having to backtrack and fill in bits I'd missed.

I was watching TV on Friday night, and a comedian was asked about his experience of coming out.

'It's about admitting it to yourself: this is who I am.'

When Steve came out, I didn't understand why he would do so.

My first thought was 'What difference does it make?'

That's something I'm still trying to understand, so I appreciate such moments.

There's a part of me that goes 'Ooh, learning opportunity.'

This time, I found myself getting angry, because although I'm glad the comedian's experience seems positive, I feel a strong sense of injustice that it couldn't be that simple for Steve.

The griefquake came on Saturday morning, as I realised that the new shoes I'd bought were too big, and began to cry...then I realised that I definitely wasn't crying over the shoes.

I'd signed up for a writing workshop on the theme of joy that I then had to switch into 30 minutes later.

Plus I'm still trying to figure out what (if anything) to do about Julio's funeral.

Add a layer of work stuff, and you have my current state of being.

Thanks for listening.

Lost

Hugs to you, Lost. That all sounds really difficult.

I've had the experience before where I've been crying about something that seems relatively minor, like yours with the shoes, and realized it was about something else. Could you channel that into writing maybe? Or art?

Sending hugs, Lost.

My son and gf just drove away.... sniff sniff... their visit went by too quickly, but I am so happy they were here. We had a great time.

Thanks for your understanding, LT and Artie.

I'm going to have to do something with this until I can take it into Thursday's session.

I’m sorry you’re struggling, Lost. I totally get it. I’ve reflected my emotions onto something or someone else other than the original source.

I don’t know if you’re into art at all, Lost. But I recently discovered Zentangle. I haven’t tried to do it yet. I am waiting for L’s leave to give me something to do. I’m also not going to follow the steps. I’m more of a copy artist. But many seem easy and it looks cool. Maybe you do something like that?

I have found zentangle to be vey relaxing a d calming. I started doing it in 3x5 index cards as it was easy to carry.

Sometimes actions feel louder than words.

I'm happy you're feeling so much better with your son visiting too.

Speaking of art, Dr. T today was referencing "Your paint-by-number classes" in talking about something I liked to do before (mostly pre-pandemic, but some virtually during the pandemic)--Paint Nites.* He mentioned it a couple times today. I finally said, "They weren't 'paint by number.'" He said, "Oh, I though they were. That something was drawn on the canvas first, and you painted on that. You mean you were painting on a blank canvas?" Me: "Yes." Dr. T: "Oh. Well, look at you!"

*Events where there would be a bunch of (blank) canvases set up on easels and acrylic paints and brushes were provided. An instructor would talk people step by step through the painting. Usually held in bars/taprooms, with some drinks and food.

Thanks for mentioning Zentangle, Scarlet.

I've been trying to summon the wherewithal to go back to my online class.
I was planning to go back when classes resumed at the beginning of the year, then various things happened...

I find motivation really tricky in terms of doing the things that definitely help.

It makes perfect sense that starting over with someone new can feel disorienting, having to go over and piece things together can be exhausting, especially when you're already carrying so much.

It sounds like the weight of everything has been very overwhelming hard to get through. When are you next seeing R? I hope the writing workshop offered even a small moment of lightness amidst it all.

I didn't understand how much shame is also involved in coming out until I read the autobiography by Will Young.

Thanks Cake,

The writing workshop was strange, because the facilitator's internet connection dropped four times.

'Journalling for Joy' is a real stretch when you've just emerged from a griefquake.

She ended up saying that she'd reschedule.
A few people couldn't do the date she proposed, so she offered a refund/free place on another course.

'Please note, if you take the refund, I will not send the exercises as I have already given a refund.'

I opted for the credit towards a future class, as I'm not interested in next month's theme.

My next session with R is on Thursday.

Thanks for mentioning the Will Young book - could be something else to check out.

Hugs, Artie. I'm glad you were able to spend some quality time with them.