Couch 251: The Matrix Recovered

Vacuum headlights are the best!

Hi Couch,

I hope today's being kind to you.

I could use a reality check.

A therapist I used to follow on social media announced yesterday that he's decided to leave and move to Substack.

I signed up for his new mailing list, and he sent the first email out today.

TW for suicide reference.



It seems irresponsible to me for a mental health professional to be that open.

Perhaps it's the tender space that I seem to operate from these days...

Am I overreacting?

Hugs, Lost. I don't think you're overreacting. Maybe it's better to not follow him at this time.

It could be he was trying to connect with others in the US who were concerned about ICE, but it seems a poor way to do so, assuming he's doing the Substack in his role as a therapist.

I was excited when I got a new one recently, so right there with you! Though I only briefly went through an "enjoying vacuuming" phase. Still a good vacuum.

My Shark Vacuum has headlights! I love it! Great for dog hair.

I loved my vacuum when I had carpet. You could take the roller off! You don't know how useful that is when you have 4 very fluffy dogs.

I have hardwood floors throughout but I still use the vacuum before I mop because my dogs have that short hair that sticks.

That's what we got, a Shark.

I think this is one of those situations where a number of things can all be true at once. I don't think you are over-reacting given your experiences, so please be kind to yourself. But nor do I think that he is being irresponsible in talking about it. For me, the bigger problem here is not that he shared it, but that things have come to this, or that people have to live in fear that they will.

Thank you for your empathy.

I agree that it's horrifying, and yet I don't have the energy to be horrified at the moment.
It would have been useful to have a content warning, so that I didn't bumble into it blindly.

He's never posted anything quite so overt on social media, probably because of his role.

As LT suggested, I've unsubscribed from his list for now.

I've got to choose where my energy goes really carefully these days.

I would not find it irresponsible. There is no reason to not talk and think about such ideas in my opinion. I think one of our problems is that we don't normalize death or talk about it really -when death is a normal thing that happens in one way or other of its various forms to every human. And suicide is part of that - it is not implicitly wrong or whatever - that is a value placed on it that is not necessary and is not correct.
The therapist I hired said she thought most people have an exit plan - not to use but the idea of having it keeps them feeling safe. I have read all the final exit books - not because I am looking to go now but so that should something befall me where that is my best option - then I have a base. Talking about it with other people I think can lessen the fear and stigma around the idea that almost everyone has some notion of it. I think the tragedy is that we can't talk about it because of fear of discomfort.

That reminds me a lot about what L says about it for me. She says that the idea/plan is not actually trying to hurt me. It's trying to protect me. It's not that I want to do it, well except for extreme situations, but it's there to give me options, so I'm not stuck. She says that I need a place or places to talk about it because it is real and important. That without it, it becomes more dangerous and even creates shame or embarrassment. And I notice the differences between talking to L, pdoc, and H about it. L helps relieve the pressure because she accepts my thoughts. But H and pdoc try to get rid of them and all it does is make me want to hide them instead of getting help for them.

However, while I believe it is extremely important to be able to discuss these things, there is a place and time and appropriate audience. Everyone has their boundaries.

A problem is - that women in particular become so focused on no one feeling discomfort that some make other's boundaries their own problem. If one does not wish to discuss something - that is fine and they don't have to but others don't have to stop discussing it either.

I am having a very bad start to the semester (two weeks old). The usual accommodation fails

Then the faculty government officers met with the university president. I had a captioner there in person. Back in September, when we last met, the president saw my captioner there and worried aloud she was making a recording or a permanent transcription. Annoying, but understandable if you’re not used to in person captioners (they use equipment similar to court stenographers). I got in touch and explained after the meeting, and he seemed to get it.

So…at the meeting this past week, he comes in, sees the captioner, and immediately launches into the same concerns about recording and transcription. He goes on longer than last time and refuses to answer questions because of the transcription—the one that doesn’t exist.

Honestly—anyone of us could be recording the meeting on our cell phones or something. But he picks on the visible disability accommodation and expresses no concern about phones or note taking. He uses my disability accommodation to avoid answering my colleagues’ questions—the classic, oh, if only there weren’t a disabled person here.

It was humiliating. It still stings.

Yikes, @@.

I'm sorry they aren't taking your accommodations seriously in the correct manner.

Accountability ought to be something to strive for rather than fear.

Are you making any progress regarding plan B?

Take care,

Lost

That sounds so frustrating and deeply unfair. It’s not just dismissive—it’s exclusionary, and the way it played out undermined your right to equitable access.

Your point about using your accommodation as an excuse to dodge accountability hits hard. It’s a double burden: managing your own needs while also being unfairly made into a scapegoat. No wonder it still stings—it was public and undeserved.

How are you holding up now? This isn’t something you should have to face alone.

@ jersey.

I'm personally not a fan of weight loss jabs for people who are not diabetics.

Try to glow slow. Approaching health and well-being at a pace that allows for lasting changes and self-acceptance, rather than chasing quick fixes or trends makes it easier to sustain in the long term.

Write out a list of why you want to lose weight.

Have a look at myfitnesspal for more support.

Start small, it could just be a 5 minute walk and you can build from there.

ATAT -sorry to hear that. University admin are such crap

@@: Ugh, I'm sorry. Seems the issue with the captioner had been resolved before. So this seems personal, or at least ableist, if not about you in particular. Do you have anyone else willing to speak up against him? Not that it should be necessary. He sounds like a bully.

I found a clinic that does Ketamine treatment in the county next to me. I put in an inquiry. I'm on 7 (yes 7!) psych meds. I'm so tired of it. And still I suffer from the SI. I'm hoping they'll let me do the treatment. And if so, I'll probably start in June when L comes back. They're saying it's important to have a therapist while in treatment.

I hope it works out for you. It helped a friend of mine who also had SI and treatment-resistant depression.

Facebook

Not too early to be planning spring break road trip!

I don't understand the point of the lady filming herself laughing and pointing at the other video. Make it make sense. What's next? A video of someone reacting to the video of the woman reacting to the first video?

Sometimes I do watch videos of people discovering new-to-them music, but they at least make comments, not just sit there.

Also, why does it not surprise me that una posted that link? I'd probably stop too just for laughs.

Ive noticed that too, the "video of me laughing." Is that supposed to be a new way of "adding content"? Geez well what do you want from people who cant even sign their name. I went down a "teaching cursive" rabbit hole this afternoon.

I do rather like when group of young black men "discover" Motown, for instance. They're so amazed and sweet and innocent. Or babies and young children reacting to classical music.

Maybe we can revive the Couch Store and sell the fudge from Uranus on it! I gotta stop, im making myself LOL.