Couch 251: The Matrix Recovered

She accomplished what was heretofore thought impossible.

I humbly accept my award.

Things with the art therapist and the prescriber aren't going as well as I'd like. I want to talk to P. I'm trying so hard not to email him. I wonder if he's forgotten me. Even if he hasn't, it feels like he has.

I don't know what my deal is with the art therapist. I try to draw things. I talk about my history but there's no feeling behind it.

With the prescriber, he made me feel really pathetic last time and he wants to focus on this glorious life I'm supposed to have like I'm going to burst out of a cocoon into a beautiful butterfly. I think he thinks I shouldn't talk about the stuff with my ex. He said he was fine with hearing it, but I should focus on changing. I have all these memories and maybe I just want to talk about them sometimes. They affected me. A lot. How is he supposed to understand me if I can't talk about what happened. I feel so stupid like I'm doing therapy wrong. I miss the relationship I had with P.

Hugs, NP. I don't think P has forgotten you. Maybe consider reaching out to him?

If the art therapist isn't helping, might be good to consider someone else. Do you have a list of possible options? I know you'd mentioned before that P was going to give you a few names if you wanted.

And I'm very sorry your prescriber made you feel so bad. It doesn't sound like he's being helpful at all with that approach. Sounds like toxic positivity almost. I'd consider telling him what you said here.

As a parent of a child with multiple disabilities (and with my own disabilities), I'm sickened by something I made the mistake of watching earlier today that blamed hiring of people with disabilities for a tragedy without any evidence.

I didn't watch the actual press conference or whatever it was. Was he blaming DEI for disabilities for the accident? The thing I read only mentioned DEI in general and I guess I was thinking racial and gender. I hadn't considered disability. Something else to be pissed about. I almost watched it, but was like, I don't need this today.

The prescriber asked me the other day, very generally, how I felt things were going and I said "Oh we're f***ed". Every day I feel that way more and more.

I’m really trying to better myself and my life. I made a friend with H’s ex-coworker. We’ve gotten together twice now. Tomorrow I’m going out with another of H’s ex-coworker. I would have never done this a year ago. I inquired about volunteering, but they haven’t gotten back to me. It looks like the Ketamine doctor will take me on. And I remembered a friend here telling me about EMDR and I brought it up to L on Tuesday and she said she’d support that. Now I need to work on diet and exercise. One step at a time. I’m proud of myself so far.

Never mind the comfy sofa, what is your favourite Fleetwood Mac song?

That's amazing, Scarlet.

I'm so proud of you for taking the steps that you feel you need.

Plus a heretofore. Thats a very fancy word.

I could not watch T**** for more than a minute at a time. Plus all he did was repeat himself. I agree with NP, he is aiming at race and gender.

Hmm - so why was the first crash in 24 years on HIS watch?

Trigger for blatant ableism.



I would not put it past him to target multiple groups with that statement.

You know, when he made fun of that one reporter, that should have been the end right there.

Yes, it should.

One of my friends has the same condition as the reporter.
I wasn't aware until I looked it up.

Hard to believe there are people within his party who would support a (hypothetical) third term.

Unless that guy's trying to blow smoke.

I was very triggered by much of this press conference due to my D, who has an intellectual disability, which was one of the many disabilities he called out (in terms of aviation hirings). And just in general.

EDIT: He actually went there.

Just read the New York Times article, as I couldn't bring myself to find the actual conference.

I'm shocked at the things that should have been the end but weren't. The "grab them by the *****" comment, no idea how that didn't end him. Sometimes feels like I've entered an alternate universe.

The Elon salute thing? I'm willing to give him a little consideration that he didn't think what it looked like when he was doing it, but after the fact, when everyone called him out on it, he should have apologized. Pretty gross.

What a day.

An idiot student group thought it was a good idea to have an event on campus encouraging others to report “suspected criminal” fellow students to ICE. That’s tomorrow. Local left groups are announcing counter protests. I have a class in the middle of all this.

And now you all are telling me XLVII called out the disabled in his press conference. We’re the poor cousin of DEI, and I was hoping would escape notice. But now we’re not the poor cousin.

And I am both pleased and pissed. My lawyer talked to my school’s lawyer. School’s lawyer cheerfully admitted the Title IX office’s decision that they hadn’t discriminated against me by failing to provide accommodations was not based on sound legal reasoning. So vindicated but jeez, did I go through a hell of a lot.

A bad moon has risen.

He called out some sort of FAA (Federal Aviation Administration for the non-U.S. Couchies) hiring initiative that was targeting people with disabilities and listed a bunch of specific disabilities. In addition to mentioning DEI in general.

And I agree with what you said to the prescriber.

Ugh to all of those. I hope the event and protests aren't too disruptive, to your class and to students who potentially could be reported.

I'm glad you were ultimately vindicated, but they should have realized that at the time and saved you . Will anything useful come out of that for you, aside from the vindication?

January is over! I have a 2 day weekend again! woohoo. Today I made an interesting crock pot concoction, a clean-out-the-pantry kinda thing. Put chicken breasts in first, then random stuff like a can of green beans, a can of lentil soup, some orzo pasta, a dressing mix stirred into a cup of OJ, a chopped-up yellow bell pepper, a packet of chicken gravy mix, I've already forgotten what else then added a bit more water and covered it & cooked on high for several hours til the chicken was done. oh man. it's good. it needed something still though so I sprinkled some crushed cheez-its over my bowl and stirred them in. It's delicious but I probably won't ever be able to replicate it! haha!

Hooray, Artie!

I'm also glad to hear that you're nourishing yourself, after a gruelling time at work.

Grief is affecting my capacity for creativity, which is in turn affecting my work.

I've written to RC and let her know that I'm not going to book Sunday this week, because I need to catch up on work stuff.

It gets overwhelming to sit in it sometimes, too.

Next week is the halfway point of this block of adult workshops.
I usually love them, but this time I can't wait for them to finish.


Sorry for rambling.

Lost

My poor dog injured herself. She tripped over the sliding glass door track. Vet thinks it’s soft tissue or ligament. They’re so tough. She never cried, not even when the vet pulled her leg. Even when she hurt herself, she still continued to play with the other girls.

I am 49 years old today. I am going to eat a lot and walk around a loch.