Couch 251: The Matrix Recovered

I also can't see your name!

Hi Couch,

I don't understand why I am feeling apprehensive about talking R through the events of the past two weeks.

It needs space in the context of my therapy, but it is a departure from what we have been discussing and unpacking.

I can trust her to keep the page, right?

Thanks for all the support,

Lost

I contacted a nonprofit in my area yesterday. Just filled out their contact form. Someone responded today saying they're forwarding my email to the volunteer person. We shall see.

You know when you have a moment where you see a picture of yourself and you’re like “Look how big I got”. It’s bad. It’s real bad. And it’s not like you realize you got that big. Or maybe you did subconsciously because a year ago you found yourself shopping in the plus size section of stores. And you’re wondering why your nearest and dearest didn’t bother to tell you’re huge. I’m having that moment right now. And I’m just not eating again. Ever. And I can’t afford those miracle shots everyone takes.

You deserve grace, Jersey.
We often can't see these things because we are in our bodies.

There is no need to punish yourself.

I hope you can find a path to make more conscious choices going forward.

I think women get to take up space in the world and the focus should be on health and feeling comfortable in your body but that is me. I read Fat is A Feminist issue at an impressionable age (Forty years since Fat Is A Feminist Issue | Society | The Guardian). And those shots have horrible side effects.

And in new things to worry about (I live in tick infested area of us) - a woman was found with a tick buried in her ear - it was in India -but still - I don't like ticks and usually put armageddon amounts of poison on my clothes and self to repel and or kill them.

Jersey, those shots aren't all what they seem to be. 1. If you're not diabetic, it can mess up your sugars. 2. The worst part that no one tells you is that it eats your muscles. You have to maintain a high protein diet to make up for it. 3. You can't be on it for the rest of your life. So just like any fad diet, when you stop, you gain back all the weight and more. It's great to jump start weight loss and a healthy diet/exercise routine. But depending on it doesn't help. 4. There are some major side effects, mostly nausea and GI related problems.

I only mention these things because in the end, the drug hurts you more than helps. My doctor's think I should do the surgery. I keep telling them no. My thought is if I can't do a healthy diet and exercise on my own, then I'll carry those habits after surgery and it will ruin all the effects. And basically the surgery would be a waste.

I personally don't know what a good path is that is realistic for me. It's hard.

Thank you Lost, SD and Scarlet.

It is hard. I don’t know a good path for me either. Protein diets never worked for me. I would always end up eating too many calories and too much protein. Eating say a steak dinner with veggies on the side never filled me anymore than eating a sandwich on white bread. I don’t know what the balance is but I better figure it out soon. Like I have an apron stomach. How the heck did I get an apron stomach-I never had children. I chase children all day at work. So I’m just not sitting all day. Maybe more walking.

It is so hard. I'm still fighting the weight I gained after getting the IUD over a year ago, I gained like 45 lbs this past year after getting it. (that was my only option to treat the gyn condition I had, as I can't take oral progesterone due to blood clot risk). At least I stopped gaining - once I started the medical weight loss thing through work. I'm not losing, but I haven't gained any more thank goodness. The dr prescribed the bupropion to help with weight loss, but I think my mental health needed that more than my physical health because it has really made me feel like a human again. I know it's something to do with the IUD because it's not just me. I know other people who had the same issue after getting it. Like my sister's friend who is a runner, she literally runs 5 miles a day and she can't lose the weight she gained after getting hers. It's ridiculous. I hate how big I am again.

Artie, what did you do the first time you lost that 50lbs years ago. I can’t remember what diet you were following but you were doing well and it seemed like it was effective and you were happy with the results.

I know I was doing NutriSystem at one point, it might have been that. I am not 100% sure. But it just got too expensive.

Yes. Most of them are expensive. But like Scarlet brought up anytime you stop those diets the weight just comes back. She’s not wrong.

On the search for something sustainable. It’s all about keeping a calorie deficit.

Fwiw, Art, I don’t think you were on a specific diet back then. You just cut out junk food, soda, and sugar, and did things like parking up extra stairs at work and not taking the elevator.

Jersey, I’ve been all sizes in my life, often without any correlation to diet or exe4cise amount. I focus on working on being physically strong and fit, because then I also feel happier.

Make the next, best decision.

For me, its been learning not to have a 2nd helping even tho i think im still hungry. But i think i still overeat sometimes because i accidentally undereat. I know people hate Tess watsername for saying she is a fat anorexic, but imo the urge to eat after a "famine" is irresistable. Thats why dieting makes you fat. I am trying to become someone who eats mostly plants. I am starting tofu tomorrow!

Tldr - more good habits and practices, fewer bad ones.

Maybe I just need to break it down one meal at a time and tweak. For instance I like eating eggs in the AM but maybe with the eggs I can cut out the toast. I’m guessing I eat too many calories even though it doesn’t feel that way.

Maybe you could start with keeping track of what you consume in some way, before heading straight for a form of restriction?

Tweaking is sensible, but it's also important not to feel you're depriving yourself.

Somebody told me that when John Travolta needed to change things for a film, he'd still have what he wanted, but have half a portion.

Lost, I’ve heard that as well. Another orders anything she wants when she goes out to eat but tells them to only put half on the plate and the other half into a to go box.

There are some food-tracking apps you can get--I think some are free for the more basic version. I know my H was using MyFitnessPal for a long time. It has lots of foods in the database (including packaged foods), and you can save common meals you have to enter them easily (like if you tend to have the same thing for breakfast). Also gives you a breakdown of carbs, protein, and fat, too. (I used it for a bit, but kept forgetting to enter stuff.)

It could be helpful to just track what you normally eat the first few days, just to get a sense of where you're getting the calories. Then figure out where to make changes. (I did that with drinking, though I got away from making changes for a bit--back on that now).

You mention the apron stomach thing (I hadn't heard that term, but know what you mean). That can also happen with hormonal changes. Not sure of your age, but perimenopause (which can start late 30s, early 40s) can shift how your body distributes fat and weight. So it could be a hormonal thing. Speaking of, have you had your thyroid checked recently? Ideally, a full thyroid panel, not just TSH.


You could also consider seeing a dietician or nutritionist, but I'd start with tracking your food intake, as they'd likely ask that anyway (we saw one for our daughter once).

Thanks LT. I am going to download an app and track. In 46. I can’t remember the last time I had blood work but it was a very very long time ago. Hormones could definitely be at play here. My thoughts are this is a combo of too many packaged type foods, too many calories, probably too many carbs. Just completely unbalanced. I guess like you and lost said the first part is tracking to see. Maybe if I see it in black and white it will make more sense.

Also - and I add this not to be discouraging but more perspective - losing weight probably won't happen fast. I think for it to last it might need to be more slow and steady for general change rather than just focusing on weight loss as such.

Thanks Stopdog. I know. I’d rather it be slow and sustainable than fast and unsustainable. This journey towards being a better place weight wise will also do me some good for future jobs. If I am going to remain in childcare-I need to be physically fit because as I get older I’ll definitely become less desirable to people who need childcare. Being older and in shape will make me more desirable to folks needing childcare than being older and heavy.

I just had a yummy um probably early dinner - broccoli, tofu, and quinoa, with soy sauce, a packet of lemon juice, and a packet of Ken's Asian sesame salad dressing. Its an improvement over my previous recipe of just the dressing, broccoli, and sushi rice.

The old recipe without tofu, with rice, would feel like not enough, then become too much, yet still not be satisfying. This feels lighter yet more satisfying. Altho the quinoa scatters all over the effin place!

But thats my goal now. Optimize, optimize, optimize

oh yeah you're absolutely right @@. Good memory. That was when H was in the hospital with sepsis and they sent that gastro doc in for whatever reason, who lectured the both of very sternly and that day, I quit drinking soda and started eating better. I guess I need to go visit that doctor and have him lecture me again.

While I picked back up other bad habits, I am happy to say that I haven't had soda since that day in January of 2018. And some of you may remember I was a huge mountain dew addict before that.

And on another note: you know you're an adult when you get excited about purchasing a cool new vacuum cleaner! It's also waaaay lighter than the old one that broke. And, it has a freakin' headlight on it!! What will they think of next?