Couch 251: The Matrix Recovered

Does anybody here have experience of going no-contact with their mother/father in adulthood and would be willing to chat about it over PM with me? For context, I want to start my way towards it with my mother and am interested in how others have achieved it.

Moo - i did, for the last several years of my mother's life. I am pretty much a pariah in the nuclear and extended family - altho some outlier cousins do communicate with me on facebook - but i was that before the NC anyway. Scapegoat promoted to pariah! Still figuring things out - what was hidden from me, etc.

I don’t have much of a story about how I went no-contact with my dad twice, just why. Both times I ghosted him. Blocked him from everything and never contacted him. I also did that to a friend because she wasn’t treating me like a friend. And an ex. I guess that’s a pattern for me.

And did you explicitly tell her you were cutting contact or did you slip into it?

I would have no problem ghosting her except her escalation and chaos would mean that she wouldn't accept it. Having said that, I am not sure what I imagine she would do.

Well, nobody really notices anything is different until you say you are not coming to a monthly sunday/holiday dinner. Then its the 7 stages of grief. Mother even bargained that i could bring my friend that she denied an invitation to several years earlier, that i wasnt even close with anymore. I was like, why do you even invite me? She said and i quote, WE HAVE TO. Associating with the family required me to dissociate, and finally i just said no to them and yes to me.

I think mine is a special case. My mother was purposely neglectful towards me. My father and older brother picked up the slack somewhat, but attachment was completely lacking. I survived and only thrived as much as i did because I could get A's in school and was fairly cute.

Okay, got a call from the apartment office. They want to do the work here on monday feb 17. 10 days is MUCH better than 3 days notice. These people are maniacs. We can do this.

Nowhere close to a million. The raise will fund higher health insurance premiums. The marketplace is not really considered affordable anymore so I’ll be able to pay it monthly without it being so much a stretch.

The hearing is the 18th. I’m so scared. My only other time in court was when I had a restraining order against my sister. I totally botched that one from saying the wrong evidence, talking to fast that the stenographer had to ask me to slow down, and then the anxiety got too bad that I couldn’t continue talking. This time, H and I are going to write everything out and H is going to read it.

I’m also scared because I found evidence too late plus couldn’t afford to submit it anyways. I’m hoping the judge will allow us to us it.

I’ve been there with both parents and am glad to PM about it.

Hugs, Scarlet. I hope it all works out for you. That seems like a good plan you have.

My day in haiku.

Substack writing class
Five days in, we hit publish.
What am I doing?

It would be very meta if that were also what you published on there!

Thanks LT,

I've let my website gather dust since July 2023, so I am pondering making the switch.

Trying to believe that someone would be interested is a stretch.

H (who cares nothing about poetry) actually did something I felt very touched by - when I finally got my copy of the anthology some of my work in, he voluntarily picked it up and read my 6 poems. (see, I don't always complain about him! haha)

oh and... my son is here! I'm so happy. they had an air bnb at first but it was too small and the bed was super hard so they canceled and got a partial refund, and they're staying with us until Monday! It's great having him and his gf here.

I think people would be interested. I know I would be! You have a strong voice, at least on here. I imagine others would connect with it, too. You have truth to speak.

That's awesome, Artie! Also happy for you that your son is there for a few days.

Scarlet, I can’t relate to your situation directly but when it comes to anything that has to do with court, law, jail, lawsuits or anything like that I have full blown panic.

Art, glad you are getting to spend time with your son.

Thank you. I will PM you.

It’s Super Bowl Sunday. I don’t follow football but it’s a VERY big important game for the area I’m in. I have to run errands but thinking I’ll wait until game time hoping the stores will be empty.

That seems like a good plan! I wish it were a more important game for my area, but alas....Though there are a lot of fans for the one team in the Bowl in my area. I imagine Swifties will also be watching!

I'll be watching from home. Rooting against a three-peat for the Chiefs. And hoping they don't show a particular attendee much (no, I don't mean Taylor Swift).

That’s an excellent plan. I lived in Pittsburgh one year when the Steelers were in the Super Bowl. I had Giant Eagle and Target all to myself!

I don’t follow football but I have to root for green by association. I’ll be disowned by everyone I know if I don’t. It’s so rare they get this far. lol.

And Yes..if I do glance at the game I sure hope I do not see a particular face.