Dilemma

I've been sat here for an hour now debating what I should do and I'm going round it circles. I'm due my therapy this afternoon but I got sick with a cold in the middle of the night. My therapist has a 24 cancellation policy so if I don't go I have to pay. But she's due for an operation soon and I thought she really might not want me there, so called to say that's what I assumed.

She replied saying that in these cases we would normally do online or telephone but that probably wouldn't work for me so offered to split the bill with me. I pay privately. I replied saying I didn't fancy losing out the money so said I would see how I felt when I woke up and maybe I would still come in.

She said she would rather I not come in, so said she would not charge, but explained that she was losing out then, and reiterated her cancellation policy.

I don't know what to do. It feels awkward. I hate stuff like this. In a way I get the policy, and agree if I just didn't want to go, but I'm sick and she doesn't want me there, that's where I start to think differently.

I don't know whether to accept the no payment, to pay her half anyway, as the decent thing to do, or to try an online session even though I think I might hate it, and risk wasting even more money.

Any suggestions gratefully received. I hoped by typing it all out I might find a way forwards myself but I still feel stuck and I really should be sleeping but I feel I need to reply to her rather than just ignoring her, but I don't know what to say!!

This is a difficult predicament.

Whatever you do with regard to the payment, it’s definitely the right thing to stay away from the face to face visit, if you are ill and she is awaiting an op.

It’s a difficult one. I can only give you my perspective, which is she’s running a business and the cancellation policy is clear. In that situation I would pay the cancellation.

So sorry, Waterbear.

I really understand your reluctance about online therapy.
When would your next session be if you decided to skip this one?

Lost

If its a regular slot that is held for you I'd probably go half with her.

I personally feel like therapists should make exceptions to their cancellation policy if a client is sick (that's what mine does), assuming it's not a frequent occurrence. In this case, if she's telling you she doesn't want you to come in and saying you don't have to pay, I'd probably just take her up on that (but it did sound like she was trying to guilt trip you a bit). Well, I'd probably do a virtual session unless I was so ill I couldn't manage that, which is something I've done recently a couple times (I got used to them during Covid).

Could you maybe try a virtual one? If you really don't want that, I guess pay half then?

Thank you for your thoughts Novablaze. Thing is, I didn't cancel. She was the one saying she didn't want to see me face to face. I know it's my fault virtual won't really work like it would for some people, though and that's why I'm in a quandary! Next time I'll probably end up just going in even though I'm not feeling 100%, just to avoid all of this!!

I am sorry you're dealing with this--meant to include that. Did you end up deciding not to meet at all and just pay half?

Thanks Lost. It's supposed to be Tuesday, then not seeing her for maybe 6 weeks? I'm more than tempted to cancel Tuesday now, too, because it's just going to be me paying to feel weird and awkward about today!! I wish I'd just gone in now. It's only a sniffle really but I was trying to be considerate of her and other people and it's just landed me in a right old mess.

So far I have done nothing. I didn't reply and I am not going to my session as she basically told me that she didn't want me there in the text. I resisted the urge to reply saying that basically she is the one cancelling the session then, because I know she definitely would offer virtual (despite being the one to say it probably wouldn't work!!) I hate stuff like this. I went to bed in the end, and will very much be considering cancelling Tuesdays session now too which make me sad, for me and her. I know being Self Employed is tough, and she will be losing out on a lot by not being able to work for six weeks as it is, but.....

I probably should have just done this, it would have saved me all this agonising!!!

Sadly I agree with my therapist that virtual probably wouldn't work for me. A lot of the time I can't face being seen by her, and can't talk, instead I write things down. And it would be completely different and I really don't know how I would manage that. I did consider giving it a go, but i didn't in the end today.

It felt a bit like guilt tripping to me, too, and that's what upset me I think. I tend to think bigger picture, and if I went in sick, she would likely get sick and then might have to cancel more sessions which would lose her more money. Or, if she decided to keep working, she could give it to other people who then might cancel, this losing more money too. Losing one client for one session seemed the best solution to me, but I don't see why I should pay when I'm just trying to be considerate and not get other people sick. I don't feel poorly enough to be off sick from work, but I know in therapy you can't really keep your distance so much, so it's easier to transmit colds. So difficult to know what to do!

Yeah, I personally think it is unfair that your therapist has essentially put this all on you to decide. She offered to not charge you a cancellation fee but then had to mention how she would be losing out. I don't think it is okay to offer you that but then try and make you feel guilty about it. You were trying to do her a favour by being honest and now she has essentially just encouraged you to go to sessions when you're sick in the future. I would probably just agree to go halves as that seems like a reasonable compromise. I would also encourage you to go to your next session and discuss all this with her. It might be weird and awkward but hey, that's therapy lol.

Ooh this is a tough one! I wonder if it would have landed differently with you if she actually offered the online session and then it would have been up to you to take the session or cancel it and pay the late fee, so it would not feel like she is telling you not to come, but still charging and guilt tripping you.