My therapist gave me the ultimatum, but it is complicated

Long story short

I am a rare case of a person who didn't benefit from medications (2018-2019). I am no no-vax in fact i am more a science person but I have reasons not to play easy with medications
I had my first psychosis while on meds at 31
Never had such thing before

Now i have become clean without medications
I can stick to a routine better than back then
But I am still depressed cause my life was ruined around 2018/19

Now my psychotherapist (i never quit the relationship with her started in 2018) wants me to go back to meds despite my history
I am the most sober patient, yet she knows my financial and personal life was ruined after 2018 and my guess is she wants to call herself out after tooking a lot of money from me

It is complicated to explain, i wish I never entered therapy cause i had far more control handling life myself. My biggest fatality

Sounds a tough situation. Has your therapist given you an ultimatum about taking medication? What will she do if you don’t?

Being now in my mid--thirties and in a new bad financial situation
I had to accept her ultimatum and I will be given a new psychiatric prescription

I think about life before 2017 to gain that small amount of mental oxygen to be able to think and go further
Almost 8 years of hell

I am sorry

She would have left
Which not only i understand, but I also wish we never met
But I have never been in such a fragile situation so i need someone to talk to
I am an educate patient, i never cross the line

That's way I feel confused about how bad years after 2017 went

I lost everything but it is my fault

I’m sorry to hear that you lost everything, and that sounds hard that you blame yourself. I don’t know if you are truly to blame? So much of what happens can be out of our control. I hope the medication helps.

It's been my fault
Medications had been part of the problem
I wish I never entered psychiatric, but won't blame others
I miss being under 30 and still in game before the unemployment

As much as I don't want to be a toxic and childish patient, my therapist was not an helpful figure in my life

But my current situation was caused mainly by poor management in 2016/17

Thank you very much for the replies
I have family issues cause my older sister is absent
She too was so human years ago and lost her mind during the pandemic

Yesterday i wrote a negative email to the therapist telling between the lines that I regret entering psychiatrics and psychoterapy

I kinda hate the fact that as a patient i gave away a lot of myself, i have been keeping distance (except for my written stream of consciousness in the email), paid regularly and yet now she is dumping me and I am realizing she might be a little narcisistic too
Almost ten years of hell, it is my fault and God want take me back

Today i have a call with her and I dont want to, i am crying
What kills me again, i always pay on terms, if I ever miss a call she would feel offended
My life is in s*it, not hers! She is richer than me by a lot, she goes to vacations, she even posts in my face photos of wedding and babies knowing that I am a broken woman

Something has been wrong since the start, it's all my fault