Throwaway sessions

Hi all,

I hope today is being kind to you.
My therapy has moved online for the next month, and today was the first session.

I feel as though we didn't really accomplish anything because I was so focused on making sure that the technology was working.

Does anyone else struggle with the shift to virtual after working with them face to face?

I'm not really sure what I need from this time.

Thanks for reading,

Lost

I have been doing on line with my shrink for over 5 years.
I also used to do it over the phone. I prefer the video, so I can see her expressions and stuff.

I have had her for over 30 years, she tried to save my marriage.

I live 1700 miles away, she got a special license to, do therapy sessions across a state line.
I think she can work on line, to 13 states? Her home office is in Illinois.

Does connecting with her ever help? You might not be getting direct support for specific issues, but maybe just connecting could help with just feeling support in general? Then it might not feel like you’re throwing the time away.

Again, different situation, but since L’s been back I have been feeling so much more secure by focusing on connecting. L says it’s like a trauma sandwich: the “buns” are support, connecting and skills, and the “meat” is the trauma work. You need the “buns” in order to do trauma work safely.

So instead of focusing on issues you can build your connection in other ways?

Hi Scarlet,

Thanks for responding.
The sense of connection being so different is what throws me, in part.

I understand that the situation is different, but it reminds me of lockdown.

It feels unsafe to do intense emotional work at the moment, and yet I ended up talking about issues with my work. We have an understanding that is a defence mechanism for me.

It's very draining thinking about topics to shelve for now.

So much of my connection with her is based on being in the same space.

Hugs, Lost. Have you talked to her about how it reminds you of lockdown? I mean, not just mentioning it briefly, but really delving into that with her? If not, could be worth doing.

Another thing to consider is that if you really don't find it helpful--that if you find it's just more distressing/unsettling to meet with her virtually--could you maybe take a couple weeks off from seeing her?

Thanks LT,

Good point - as much as the brain weasels don't think it's needed, it might be a good conversation.

She knows that I find it difficult, but I'm not sure that she really understands (there I go again, about the line between knowing something and understanding it) what my 'problem' is.

Having some communication is better than none, because she remains the person with the most context...and patience, I think.

Virtual therapy is about holding it together, when I need the space to express and process.

Difficult territory.

Hugs,

Lost

This doesn’t have much to do with virtual sessions. And I understand it might not fit for you. Have you taken a grief break? From what you write, it seems like you are constantly processing whether in or out of therapy. That takes a lot of work and effort. I can only imagine what you’re dealing with is so so heavy on your heart and soul. So I’m just wondering if you can ever give yourself a break. And if you can, maybe this is a good time to do that since virtual kind of forces you to not process, at least with your T.

Please disregard if this is totally off base!

Hey Scarlet,

I appreciate that.
The heaviness is definitely wearing on me.
Even though I don't know what 'better' looks like with an experience like this...I feel like I need to keep moving in order to get it out of my system.

Of course, as I'm writing this, I realise that could be a variation of the flight response.

When I have a break in other areas of my life, I tend to feel the full weight regardless.

Except when I'm playing darts....that takes me out of it completely.

Thanks for looking out for me.

Hugs,

Lost

I sometimes see my T via video and for a long time I found that I could not talk about the most difficult topics unless I am in the same room with him. But then I started reading my writing to him, which is something that is actually more convenient in telehealth, because I do not need to print out anything. I just see him on my laptop's screen and read my writing off the connected large monitor's screen. Very convenient. And when I am absorbed in reading aloud, I am able to transcend the linitation of the telehealth medium and actually accomplish something useful.

Thank you! I appreciate the point about the convenience of reading your writing aloud.

One of the shortcomings of telehealth for me is the inability to pass her a piece of paper when i am struggling to read something...but I have learned to email things that I might want to read ahead of time now.

If you use Zoom, there's a chat option where you could type/post something in there you didn't want to say out loud, if it came to you during the session (I've done that a few times).

Thanks LT,

R had severe technical issues with Zoom, and they were not interested in helping.
So, we've switched to Teams...I know there is a chat option, but I don't know where it is.

Luckily I don't have to worry about it for a while now, as we're back in person this week.

Take care,

Lost

Glad you're back in person this week! And I've used Teams a few times but am not that familiar with it. If you end up back at virtual at some point (hopefully no time soon!), I can ask my H because he uses that for work meetings, I think.

You can also ask AI to orient you in Teams, if it comes to that point.

Same! Glad you get to see her in person this week. Hopefully you’re able transition back into in person and can get the support you need.