[silenthill]

i have been really depressed and i can't find away out, i emailed my T telling her i can't go on any more,she never emaild back,today when i went to my appt she said she would understand if i ended my life, i'm not mad at her for saying that,just a little shocked and hurt like she would be happy if i was gone, now it seems its ok

[MissCharlotte]

((silent))

No it is not ok. Are you sure T said those exact words? Maybe she was trying to tell you she understood why you felt the way you do? There is a big difference between understanding where someone is coming from and being happy about it. Maybe T really really "gets" you and is right there with you. She is sharing your deep pain.

Now, the challenge is to work together to figure a way out of the pain.

Peace

[silenthill]

no she ment it was ok.she told me she is seeing other person who wants to die,she said she thinks this other person will do it befor me,i guess we will have to see

[Mouse_]

eh? Perhaps you need it to mean that?

[Merlin]

i personally oppose certifying people and your T may agree with that stance, but i'm surprised if she is not exploring your reasons and you other choices because you seem to ambivalent and unsure despite your pain and despair.

[pegasus]

Sounds seriously unethical to me!

Hang in there (((((((( silenthill )))))))) things will and do get better. Maybe your T meant that you need to acknowledge that feeling of wanting to end it all. But learn how to manage it and come through it. Or it could be that your T was trying to show you that she/he understands how much pain you are going through. It is certainly worth clarifying next time you see her to find out exactly what she meant.

SilentHill,

I think it was wrong for you to say. and I undertand why you are hurt, and I personaly would take away the same meaning. You have a right to be angry and even express that to her. In addition, if she doesnt have a good supportive explaination, I'd find another T. Perhaps you can give her a chance to explain. If she doesnt have a good explaination though, I'd move on and find someone more supportive.

[Perna]

Your T can't stop you from dying. It is your choice. She isn't, as my T put it, "an ambulance chaser". If you do not want to get well, do not want to work hard and learn to live your life as best you can, there's not a darn thing anyone else can do about that.

[silenthill]

i have never asked her to save my life or asked her for any thing,and i never would,but she has asked me for help,giveing her loans so she would not lose her home,that she can't even pay the payment on time,and she knows if my husband knew i did this he would beat me,she even said she wish she could sit with me to make sure i go peacefuly,so i guess its me that is wrong

[pegasus]

This sounds like a very unethical therapist. I urge you to report the therapist and find another therapist as soon as possible!

I am worried for you.

I disagree Perna. I think to imply without knowing this individual that they arent doing the work. Isnt fair. I think a T should NOT passivly encourage a client to die by implying that its okay. Thats what you tell someone who is terminally ill with no prospects of getting better. For someone in a hurting place, you should tell them that things can get better and that you will work with them to help them reach that point. If your T doesnt want to work with those with suicide ideationn, maybe they are in the wrong business. YOu arent asking them to chase an ambulence, but to encourage LIFE! And yes, I believe bringing hope IS in their job description.

[Perna]

Silenthill, you need a womens shelter and a lawyer, not a T and husband who try to abuse you and make you feel bad.

[Mouse_]

I agree Perna!

SilentHill,

I found this post by a therapist on "Ask the Therapist" that may be useful and or helpful. We want to offer our support here. The title was "I am suicidal - why no one wants to help"

Here is the link: http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-ther...-want-to-help/

Please keep reaching out until you find someone. PM if you like.

Best
ev

[Doh2007]

If what you say is true, you are being abused by your therapist. If what you say is true, you probably already know this. Can you get away?

[silenthill]

its ture everything ture,i'v been thinking about why i feel hurt,its not becouse she said it was ok,its becouse she told me about her client
i don't know this person,but she is in my T appt,like now there is a contest between us,like who is going to kill them selfs first, i feel i have done something really wrong,i don't know cry

I think there are circumstances where saying that to a client would be appropriate. I don't see that this is one of those, though.

It is not appropriate for a therapist to borrow money from a client.
It isn't even appropriate for a therapist to say that they have money troubles to a client.

I don't think you have done anything wrong...

But I do think that for your own benefit (and for the benefit of others) one would be better to terminate from seeing this therapist, find someone professional, and see about getting this therapists lisence revoked.

[(JD)]

May I think from the other side of the desk?

Sometimes when a patient constantly displays suicial ideation and uses it to counter a Ts every move and suggestion, it's good for a T to remove all resistance to the act. Sometimes saying, yes you have that option, and no, I can't really stop you if you choose to do that, gives the patient the control they need. It often stops the patient from "hanging it over the T's head."

silent, if your T truly says this to you but has failed to discuss the rationale behind it, that you do have ultimate control, then you do need to have that discussion. If you really are planning to end your own life, and aren't saying these things to try and urge others that you are reaching out for help you don't feel you are receiving, then you do need to go to hospital.

Some diagnosis carry with them this suicidal ideation. It needs to be put on the shelf as a last resort, and never used, nor talked about once it's aired (the desire.) Knowing it's there can often help someone suffer through the work of therapy, which can be difficult at best.

Silent, your T is keeping in touch with you I hope. Or you are sending her information on a regular basis to where she knows where you are at. I hope you have some type of agreement, written or verbal, that you won't act on these particular thoughts without contacting her first.

I feel for you in this place of feeling there's no hope for change in the future. I know there is always a possibility of change. Depression will lie to you, make you think you are thinking things that are true when they aren't.

It isn't ok for you to die. No one here wants you to bug out of life. I'm betting your T doesn't either, but really cares for you. Stick around to see if I'm right, ok?

Linehan talks about a 'paradoxical strategy' - but about how she decided to refrain from calling it that out of fear that a therapist would misunderstand it and actually suggest to a patient that they kill themself (as a strategy for preventing it).

It isn't appropriate for a therapist to encourage suicide.

But I can see how a therapist might well say (appropriately) that they understand that the person wants to die. That they understand that yes, things do seem that bad. That they could understand if the person killed themself.

That isn't to condone it. That isn't to suggest that the person do it. That isn't to encourage the person to do it.

It is just to express empathy for the client feeling like suicide is looking fairly appealling.

I would imagine that it would be most appropriately said in a context where a therapist had tried to get the client focusing on good / pleasant things in their life and the client had decided they wanted to convince the therapist that no, things really are THAT BAD.

So I can see it being an understandable strategy (at times - used appropriately).

But your loaning her money? She should NEVER have asked you to do that.

[silenthill]

i understand what your saying,but i don't tell my T that i'm going to kill myself all the time,yes i'm depressed and for this one time in her office i say i want to die,she wants me to get pills for the depression
but i can't because my husband won't let me go to the dr,she knows that, i didn't come on here to make anyone feel bad and i'm sorry if i did,i guess i do that of late, i don't mean to, sorry

[wisewoman]

I rarely visit this forum so I do not know you silenthill. I am so sorry you are in intense personal pain and feel like dying is the only way out. It is a rotten place to be. I don't know what all about your therapist saying it's okay to die either. Here's the thing. You do have people in your life who would be massively hurt by your suiciding. Also, you don't know what tomorrow might bring. It's the little things like watching a blizzard for me on Sunday, or watching a baby wave to you as they are discovering waving and their affect on people. I was watching something, don't know what, on T.V about a woman who survived breast cancer, so far, and her adult daughter writing a book about it with mom"s journal and photographs of both of them. Our community recently lost a dear soul to breast cancer so this thing on tv caught me as the woman spoke about how nearly dying taught her how to live each day fully. So I know the will to die too well but now I am looking at living each day. I don't know anything of your abusive husband either. But I can tell you it doesn't change so get safe fast. You are important and deserve safety. I have seen too many domestic abuse situations end poorly. I don't know your situation but I believe you need to get to woman's hotline quickly and do whatever is needed to be safe and protected. Peace.

In a previous post you mentioned that you were going to see a new T to talk about this T. Were you able to attend that appointment? How did it go?

You already that know your current T is not working in your best interest. Is she a psychologist? or some other sort of therapist? IMO, ....difficult as this might be, she needs to be reported to her licensing board. They could help you get your money back.

Campy

[Kiya]

I completely agree with pegasus!!! This is not an ethical way for a t to behave. Please report it!!! THe moeny stuff and that she said it is ok for you to die. It is NOT ok at all.

I'm even studying ethics right now and i can flat out tell you this is not acceptable. I hope you can put any feelings for her aside and report her. Especially when she thinks another person will "get there" before you. So not ok.

Have curage and report her - at least for your self, but also for others so they will not go through the same thing!!!

And please stay safe - find another t to work with.

[Kiya]

you're not making any one feel bad - we all just care (sometimes too much) about things that are not in our power to change. So we make our arguments in the hopes that you will take a stand against things that seem really improper.

Best to you.

[silenthill]

yes i did call and made a appt with another T,but i didn't go i couldn't do it, i just can't get this other client out of my mind,i don't know i feel like i'm going crazy,am i going crazy