[MissCharlotte]

I have been seeing T for slightly over a year and half. We have been through a lot together and he has been a wonderfully, strong support for me during difficult times. We have also been through several ruptures and now we are learning to work through our differences. I am now able to recognize that we are both quite strong-willed but I feel that overall, my therapy is healing and helping me grow in a way I haven't before. Okay, fine, I love the guy!

T mentioned that next year he is putting together a group and asked if I would like to join. He thought it would be a nice next step for me in therapy and I agree with him. It sounds interesting. He said it would be a "process" group rather than a psychotherapy group and we would do some artwork, some movement and other things. I look forward to the new experience.

However, I panic because on some level I feel like that means T will never get to know those parts of me who are still inside of me screaming for his attention. Intellectually, I know this isn't true but emotionally there is/are little girls inside who are screaming and saying, "WAIT A MINUTE, DONT LEAVE ME BEHIND! I feel as though I better hurry up and let him know all of me before my chance is gone and I am stuck inside myself forever.

I wonder if any of you in long-term therapy have felt this longing.

Peace

[Perna]

I don't think I understand; are you going to just have group and not individual therapy starting next year or both?

[MissCharlotte]

Oh, both Perna. I know it sounds like I was going to do just group but no I will have both. Sigh, but I'm still scared that it means I'm moving on without me. MAke any sense?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MissCharlotte said:

However, I panic because on some level I feel like that means T will never get to know those parts of me who are still inside of me screaming for his attention. Intellectually, I know this isn't true but emotionally there is/are little girls inside who are screaming and saying, "WAIT A MINUTE, DONT LEAVE ME BEHIND! I feel as though I better hurry up and let him know all of me before my chance is gone and I am stuck inside myself forever.

Peace

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I know what it seems like, but what is really cool about being in group with him is that he'll actually get to know more of you this way, so don't rush. Just slow down because while you are in group, he will be able to meet your creative side, observe how you act on an interpersonal level with others besides him, see you in a differen't light. Take a deep breath. You have allowed T to see another 'you' when you brought your H to session. This didn't cause you to get stuck. It moved you forward. I bet group will do the same thing.

Hmmm....I am surprised you can do group with T and individual with same T. Is that normally recommended? I would think that the client would get really upset seeing T interact with other group members. (or is that just me?)

[Mouse_]

Sorry can't help you, T is strictly one-on-one person.

[Perna]

I think Pink has it. Despite being in a group with him and other people he sees, you'll still ramp up your fantasies and imaginings so that you're more special to him than they are in individual. It will seem like the group is being conducted especially for your benefit (or at least, that is how I felt :-)

I had a divider in my head. The individual doesn't become or feel any less, if anything it becomes more intense because there's more "energy" being generated by the group work so the individual gets stirred up like a can of paint

i feel like that over the smallest thing charlotte... some bc its change, some bc i am not "there" and so i can't envision what "there" looks like... but a lot of it honestly is bc the younger parts of me, to use your terms, are *never* going to really think at an adult level.. they are always going to want T like a child might. The trick is being able to get to a different level.. so they know even though they will still cry, and you can manage them.

i cant interact on an open level with others, with or without T... so group is a nuh uh for me.

[MissCharlotte]

Hmmmm

Well, I think I have to agree with Pink, Perna and Jello (sounds like a rock group), with one slight exception.

I don't have faith or hope that this will move me forward but I love T and trust his judgment here. Sigh.

I am not afraid of being jealous, just afraid of being lost. I know and accept his other clients, even the %#@&#! who sits in the chair before me on Thursdays. All right, well, I don't have to accept her. But, my big fear is that I will no longer exist in the group. I barely exist outside of a group, and in a group setting I don't do real well. I go into my head. Maybe he knows that. He did say that he thought it would be good for me to experience caring from others in a group setting. I think I will have to explore these feelings with him before I lose him to the group!

The weird, sad thing here is that it feels like something that is inevitable. The feeling that comes up is a longing for the phone calls I used to have with him when he was on his way home and he called me from his car. I used to feel special.

I've always wanted to be part of a process group :-) I've done DBT group, but that wasn't a process group, it was more an educational and sharing your homework kind of group.

What I'd like about a process group... Would be that I'd get the opportunity to work through some relationship stuff. To do with how I think others perceive me, and how they do actually perceive me. To do with why I feel annoyed with people sometimes, and processing the reasons for that... Seeing other people struggling with (maybe even the same kinds of) issues might be quite validating in a normalizing kind of way, too.

It is kinda usual for us to behave a bit differently in different contexts. So the aspect of yourself that you show in class is different from the aspect of yourself that you show in church is different from the aspect of yourself that you show in a pub. And of course you are the summation of all of those aspects... And emphasizing certain things and deemphasizing certain things across different social settings is normal and adaptive etc etc.

Group probably will be fairly different. A different kind of social setting. I think it is pretty cool that you can keep your one on one therapy but also do this... I think you will still feel special. Maybe it is an opportunity to really come to feel that... You can be special (really very) and that other people can be just as special, too... And that there can be enough attention and care to go around...

[MissCharlotte]

Hi Alex,

Thanks for your thoughts. As I read your post I noticed that you responded to my need to feel special. In my mind, I equate feeling special with being noticed. It doesn't have to be any big, huge deal, just notice me and I won't be invisible. Sort of like, "Hey, here I am! Yoo hoo, over here!"

I guess it will be interesting for me to be in a group and try not to get swallowed up. I just assume I will collapse like a folding chair and be stuck in the corner or leaning against the wall. It's funny because I have always managed to function at work. My fear of group experience is directly related to the horror of my childhood where I was in the middle of five kids. Talk about lost. Can you share anything about process groups or send me a link to read? What exactly is a process group anyway? T said it's not a psychotherapy group.

Peace

[Kiya]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Riptide said:
Hmmm....I am surprised you can do group with T and individual with same T. Is that normally recommended? I would think that the client would get really upset seeing T interact with other group members. (or is that just me?)



</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

i was going to do group and individual with my old t - but the night didn't work out for my schedule. in fact, she only lets ppl do group after they've been with her a year - and has them continue individual with her.

hey. i think i understand your worry about group. the dbt group i went with had two kinds of people (rather simplistic to be sure, but it certainly did seem that way). half of the people were happy to talk talk talk and the other half were happy to be as inconspicuous and invisible as possible. part of the role of the facilitators was to help the talky people be a little more focused on others (to gently help bring them our of their shell) and of course to help bring them out of their shell themselves. sometimes the talky people were good for breaking the ice, though. could relate to them in a way (even though i was wishing i could disappear through the floor).

I get what you mean about being acknowledged. appreciated. respected. feeling heard. maybe... you will get the opportunity to experience being in a group that can provide those sorts of things for you. might give you some more confidence in IRL group situations, too :-)

I don't really understand what your therapist means by 'this is not a psychotherapy group'. what is it? art therapy? dance therapy? education? a process group is kinda like... one on one therapy but it is done in a group setting. one of the things that is processed is how particular individuals feel about other particular individuals. so people get a chance to learn how others respond to them on the basis of what they put out there... and to learn how they relate to others on the basis of the past...