[lauren_helene]

This could be just my experience but I feel as if my T sends me these messages indirectly. I'm so suggestible that this isn't too far fetched but help me decide if you can.

For example, last session I asked him for a child psychologist recommendation. Long story about my son and his seizures but the point is he recommended this woman who just happens to specialize in DBT/Borderlines/PTSD etc.

Now he knows me so well because of course I looked her up and read her website and now I'm angry.

Before I left last session, I asked him if I do go with her would he need to consult and he said no because he didn't think I needed to talk about my issues with her. He meant that he didn't feel I was handling my son wrong and that he thinks I'm a good mom.

Okay, so why am I mad???? Because nothing happens in the therapy room by accident!! He could've given me anyone but he didn't, he gave me someone who specializes in MY ISSUES.

He's done this before in small ways and I've noticed and thought it was cute. This is not cute!!! It is triggering my rejection/abandonment button again.

Anyway, she isn't taking new patients individually and I was given the name of someone else for my son. Something tells me T knew this and thinks I'll go in on Wed and say 'gee, what is DBT...' and this will open up his real agenda and I'll just go along with it.

Am I going off the deep end here? He'd probably say yes...!

[sunrise]

I guess my concern would be why would he think your son would need someone specializing in trauma/DBT/borderlines? Has he done therapy with your son? Does he think your son has PTSD or is borderline? I would take a bit of umbrage that he is diagnosing my son without ever having met him! You want the best therapist for your son, and it seems one specializing in children and who is a generalist would be a good first start, not a trauma/DBT specialist, unless your own T knows those are your son's problems. Can children even do DBT? How old is your son? Anyway, I would bring this up with your T and asked why he thinks your son needs a therapist who specializes in those issues?

If this is merely a way to get you to talk about DBT yourself in therapy, it seems really convoluted and not direct at all, just game playing. Do you really think this was his intent? It seems like T's want to model direct communication, not game playing. So I'm not sure I would suspect this of him since he must know how to communicate better than this. Doesn't he?

[lauren_helene]

That is a great place to start Sunny. He has met my son and thought my recent concerns about him not being 'normal' were silly. He said before I left 'he's normal, you're just worrying and obsessing over his problems'. I don't disagree with this statement.

Yes, my T knows how to communicate better but unfortunately, I am so freaking sensitive that I can see him doing this. If he is though, it is having the opposite reaction. It is making me more nuts as I try to fill in the blanks myself (always a bad idea!).

When I have asked him to tell me something like it is, I often get more upset and obsess more. I guess he can't win? I'm doing a lot of assuming here.

This person he recommended has extensive experience with children from infant age to adolescence. But you're right why one that specializes in issues my son doesn't have?

It's making me crazy because on one hand he said he doesn't think I need to talk about my issues and on the other, going to her with my son would be entering my issues...eventually anyway.

Makes me think he is trying to get rid of me...again. I hate this cycle that I am in. Hate it!

[sunrise]

almedafan, having input to your son's therapist doesn't mean you are talking to the therapist about your issues. Presumably, you would be talking to your son's therapist about your son's issues, right? You needn't actually do therapy with your son (as in family therapy) if that is not the best choice. You could just check in by phone every once in a while with the therapist, to provide new information, e.g. my son seems depressed and won't see his friends anymore, my son's grades have really dropped recently, my son won't talk to anyone anymore, etc. That said, I wish when my daughter began therapy that it was with a family therapist, so we would at least have the option of some joint sessions, if needed. I think the family system is pretty important when you are dealing with kids.

As for your T, why not just take him at face value and assume he recommended that particular therapist because he/she is good, rather than it being a backhanded way of getting you to bring up a certain issue in your own therapy? That just seems a stretch.... unless he has a history of playing strange games like that. You know him best.

[lauren_helene]

Oh and my son is three years old. I also mentioned that I wanted someone to evaluate how my husband and I are with our son. I forgot that part.

Anyway, the only way to know is to ask him and that isn't until freaking Wednesday....I'm sure you're right Sunny it is a stretch...

[MissCharlotte]

Almeda,

When someone treats a child it is important that person can understand the child's parents. So maybe T recommended this person because she would be able to understand your perspective as a mom as well as be a good care provider for your son. Maybe, in addition to those things on her website she is also very good with children?

I think you should flat out ask him why he recommended this particular person. My T tends to slip things in sometimes but I think on this issue that maybe it's innocent?

Peace

[ECHOES]

I don't know about subliminal messages. I think T's are pretty direct. But I know myself and I tend to look for hidden meanings and messages and have asked T about them.

I think it's really thoughtful that he chose someone familiar with your issues. You are dealing with your issues but so is your son indrectly, so it's relevant to his evaluation.

Also borderline mothers can raise borderline children so that's another good reason for choosing her.

Have you and T talked about DBT? Could you tell him about your thoughts here?

My T did mention DBT when I asked if borderline applied to me and she said yes. She mentioned Linnehan books (I like to read psychology books) and DBT and I told her I had read about it and I thought it was just a version of CBT which I didn't find helpful so I would not do. She wasn't offering, she doesn't do it, but it felt like she was maybe pointing me in that direction.

Anyway I admire you for taking such good care of your son!

I'm like you. I look for hidden messages EVERYWHERE.
And then I accuse T and we get into a fight.

Perhaps you could ask T directly if he is trying to recommend a new therapist for you...and why?

Or, you could do this:

"T, I really don't appreciate you trying to get rid of me like that. You are so smooth, it sickens me. I find it really insensitive and rude that you could not just tell me directly that YOU want to get rid of me. You suck. Did you really THINK that I would not realize that other T specializes in MY issues. Who needs you anyway..."

Ok...maybe not. I recommend directly asking.

getting triggered sucks almeda... regardless... but it's always valuable information. You can learn to understand your problems when things get activated like this... even though it hurts

i dont know your T.. so i cant say for sure about the subliminal idea... but even if he was intentionally dropping hints.. i doubt he'd want to hurt you by doing it.

can you focus on the trust you do have.. until you can talk with him about this?

[lauren_helene]

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Riptide said:
I'm like you. I look for hidden messages EVERYWHERE.
And then I accuse T and we get into a fight.

Or, you could do this:

"T, I really don't appreciate you trying to get rid of me like that. You are so smooth, it sickens me. I find it really insensitive and rude that you could not just tell me directly that YOU want to get rid of me. You suck. Did you really THINK that I would not realize that other T specializes in MY issues. Who needs you anyway..."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Riptide this is hysterical! I just might use it and actually it isn't that far from what I would say to him anyway.

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ECHOES said:
I think it's really thoughtful that he chose someone familiar with your issues. You are dealing with your issues but so is your son indrectly, so it's relevant to his evaluation.

Also borderline mothers can raise borderline children so that's another good reason for choosing her.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

After reading your post, I think you might be right. Yes I can ask him directly tomorrow.

Thanks Echoes!

[lauren_helene]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
MissCharlotte said:
Maybe, in addition to those things on her website she is also very good with children?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

From what I have read she does specialize in children from infant to adolescent and also adults.

I just wish he would've been up front with me. He knew I would research her, heck he spelled her name for me!!!

I feel like he did this on purpose. Will I ever heal? I doubt it.

Hey Almeda, I'm with you on this one. Riptide definitely gave the best answer! And to think, all I was going to say was to ask him if that's what he was trying to do. (but then I was thinking you wouldn't believe a word he said anyway) LOL

Sometimes it seems you just can't win. Best of luck to you!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said:



Riptide this is hysterical! I just might use it and actually it isn't that far from what I would say to him anyway.
:

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

LOL
If we have the same T, T must have to deal with alot! LOL

[lauren_helene]

That would be even funnier if we had the same T...he would be like "I know I've heard this from someone before!"