Panicking about not panicking

What the hell is wrong with me??

Why do I keep worrying about not having an anxiety attack. This is rediculous.

I feel like for the last few weeks I have been doing OK. No major problems, a few snags here and there but nothing I feel I couldn't handle.
Until today. Well, I actually think it started with a post I made last night. I meant well by the post. It was about something that is quite painful for me to talk about. I felt to in order to take a step forward that I needed to share what I was going through regarding this issue. Now I wish I hadn't.


I keep worrying about having an attack because this post made me feel things I haven't felt in a long time. I have actually concentrated and anylized my feelings to see if I was even close to having a panic attack. It's almost as if I this cloud hanging over my head.
I can't stop it. I don't know why.
I came home from work today and fell asleep. When I woke, I felt a little disoriented. I guess feling like this made my mind spiral out of control into the abyss of panicking thoughts. My eyes got really blurry, I got scared and it was getting more difficult for me to breathe. I thought "OMG, THIS IS IT" "I'M DYING".
Then as I started to worry about that, my husband and kids were talking and lauging (they didn't know I was having an attack) and I tried to concentrate on them but it didn't work. After several minutes I settled down but in the mists of this my OCD was kickin in and the intrusive thoughts were rearing their ugly head. I haven't had these thoughts in sp long that it scared me and now I feel like I'm going to relapse..........I don't want to....I'm really scared about this.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I have come a long way since a few months ago but not nearly back to the person I used to be. Just starting to fell like I've reached 55% of my old self. I dont want to move backwads. I want to move forward. What is happening to me?

Jen,

I don't know what is wrong. I, too, can worry about not panicking. But I don't think I have ever worried about not having a "panic attack". I have had them rarely and I hate 'em! Hate what they do to my stomach, hate what they do to my heart, hate what they do to my soul.

I read your post last night about your uncle. I hope that is not the post you wished you had not written. I think it is important that people know how much your loved ones mean to you. I am sorry your uncle died, but I am so happy for you that you had him. And you still do have him. Wasn't the love in that room amazing?

I have a really good friend who died of cancer 8 years ago. We met in high school over 30 years ago. I was visiting her the weekend she died. She died in her husband's arms, in her bed. Her parents, another friend of ours from high school and I were in the living room. Her 5 year old son was in his bed room (it was night, he was kinda sleeping). Anyway, the next day when I drove home (a 12 hour trip), I just kept thinking -- I want to call her and tell her what a beautiful weekend it was. Isn't that strange? The love in that house!!!!!!

Trying,
Thank you for your post. I don't think it's so much that I'm panicking about not panicking. Maybe it was a pore choice of words. I do think that the post from last night triggered some feelings in me that I have not felt in a long time. Thank you for reading it. I am sorry that you have lost your friend as well. Losing someone you love is very difficult. I don't think it is strange that you wanted to call her and tell her that the weekend was beautiful. In a way it's almost as if that special person is with you even when they are not.

Thanks.

<font color="blue"> Jenn,

There were years when I could not read a description of a panic attack without having an attack.

As I got better, I still couldn't discuss problems without triggering a panic attack. If a discussion upset me, it eventually led to an attack.

After that, I became much better, but I was haunted by the fear of having an attack. You see, there was a huge void in my life that previously had been filled by the panic attacks. Somethiing was wrong...something didn't feel right, because not having panic attacks felt so different.

It was suddenly like my favorite dress was too small, or too big, or too something. It just wasn't right.

Maybe you are still waiting for the panic attacks because you have a void like I do.

I'm not sure this makes sense, but I hope this helps at least a little bit.

January </font>

That makes total sense January. I too find it difficult to discuss problems and certain things for fear that it will set me into panic mode. I even have a hard time after therapy. It is a had thing to explain, but I think you totally understand. THANKS!!!

It's called "anticipatory anxiety". It sometimes feels like you are blindfolded and tied to a stool with wild animals all around you, never knowing when you will come under attack but sure that sooner or later you will. The anticipation is enough to drive you crazy. Ok, that probably sounded stupid but that's what it feels like to me

GOOSE: I love your imagery. Not sure if I have the OCD component. My anxiety attacks occur when the danger or possible dreadful consequences are very real. Also I have nightmares in which those same situations arise, and I awaken hyperventilating and with my heart pounding wildly in my chest, unable to distinguish between the nightmare and reality. Unfortunately just thinking about EITHER the real life situations OR the nightmares can also trigger an attack. So I don't do that.

HOW TO STOP A PANIC ATTACK: On the net, I found something interesting about how to stop panic attacks. It claims to do so in a single session! Seems it is quite a respectable technique among therapists. It's called "REWIND." This technique could be very useful to a person who is in immediate danger of being incapacitated by an anxiety attack --- if that person at the time SIMPLY MUST carry on with important duties. I haven't tried it myself yet. I'm unwilling to think about bad things long enough to provoke an attack. lol Actually, a person would have to practice the technique BEFORE having the attack. Then, when one has the technique nailed and sort of second nature, one can easily use it when the anxiety attack arrives. Looking now, to see if I can find that web site where the REWIND technique is taught. La la la la la lalala. Oh, well. Just Google "rewind technique in panic attacks." You'll find it. Sorry about that.

STOPPING ANXIETY ATTACKS THAT PRESENT AS NIGHTMARES: The below web site teaches that too much REM SLEEP (dreaming which our brain requires to flush away the fears of the day) depletes us of RESTORATIVE SLEEP, which is needed for our mental and physical health. So we have to stop thinking about upsetting things that would require our brain to engage in a lot of REM SLEEP at night. That also means that we CANNOT delve into the past or ruminate looking for "causes" of our mental problems, because doing so will overload our brain with a need to wash away those bad memories and thoughts with REM SLEEP.

I know this web site looks as if it is only about depression. However, a frightening nightmare IS an anxiety attack! And it causes depression. Then both the anxiety and the depression become part of a vicious cycle. Both of them can be controlled by earning how to stop excessive REM sleep, according to this web site, which teaches the technique. Hope it helps.

Here it is:
http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/

Adieu

REWIND TECHNIQUE or FAST PHOBIA CURE: Okay. I found two web sites for this technique. Not sure if they are identical techniques, or only similar. You'll have to read to find out. Sorry about not having the web sites ready earlier.

http://www.rewindtechnique.com/
http://www.psychotherapy-center.com/...treatment.html

Adieu

(((((((((((((((((((((GREY))))))))))))))))))

Well said. I am anticipating the anxiety. And your right. It is enough to drive me crazy. The question is why? Why do I do this? Who knows. Maybe I am just used to be anxious. Maybe, being relaxed is not something I'm used to. I know that sounds dumb but it is true.
One of the worst parts of this whole thing is my intrusive thoughts. I hate them and wish they would go away and never return. It is pure hell for me to have to deal with them. I havent met too many people who have had thoughts of hurting a loved one. Maybe, they either don't want to admit it or I am the only one
In any case. Im not doing much better today, but at least I made it to work. YUCK!!!

Thanks Grey. Take care.

(((((ADIE))))

Thanks for your reply. I will check out the sites when I'm in a more secure location. Im at work now.

Take care

Hi jmo,

Ask anyone with panic disorder what they would like and they will say. "I want it to stop. I want a cast iron guarantee that I will never get another panic attack."

I've been dealing with this stuff for as long as I can remember and the truth is that my breakthrough came when I stopped wishing for that.

My mantra is now different. I say to myself "I will be OK if I don't get another panic attack, and I will be OK if I do get another panic attack." After this, my next mantra is, "panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, paranoid feelings, all that stuff, are not the reason for my existence - I have other things to do with my life."

I didn't ask to have it this hard, but I'm as sure as hell not going to let it take me!

Gosh, I sound like I need some boxing gloves.

good thoughts to you, Myzen

(((((MYZEN)))))

You seem so strong. Alot stronger then I am.

I try to be strong. Today I felt so lost. I was at work and
tried my very best to stay busy to keep my mind off of things. It worked I must say , so I'm happy about that. My T thinks I expect to much from myself. She thinks that I should praise myself for the small accomplishments. It's hard to do that when I am used to making big accomplishments with no problem. It's like starting from square one. It's so very frustrating and sometimes I don't know how I make it through. I really don't. All I can say is that I am so very thankful I have found this place and the support from all of you helps me so much.
Thank You...All of you.