[Mouse_]

So T's away for 2 weeks, she said I can test and see if I pop into her head when shes away by emailing.

Yes that was wonderful to hear, her actually saying it was ok whilst shes on vacation. but now I feel like I want to, but what would be the point? Do I have some fantasy that by emailing her whist shes away,that somehow makes "our" relationship that bit more special then any of her others?

Then part of me thinks that she doesn't want to have to be bothered by me whilst shes on hoiday, but thats my thinking, T wouldnt think "oh I can't be bothered with that woman" I mean if I really believed that would I really still be in therapy with her, so this is my thinking, so what is the reality? That I miss her and an email connects with her again and she very plesently replys, but where does that go too? where does it lead? It really doesnt change anything, its just an email, but am I so emotionally unavailable that I cannot see that "just" an email is more then just that, its the connection, the remembering of each other? but part of me feels thats not enought, part of me thinks that unless T declares undying love for me "just" an email isn't worth it. Dam I sound cold. Perhaps I'm thinking to much and not taking into consideration the feeling I would feel if I emailed and T replied. Is this because growing up, the connection wasn't there, anything like that didnt' effect mum, you'd have to do something major for her to get her response. I remember once when a kid buying 2 chalk statues of Jeasus and Mary, not that I am regilous now, but as a child to me that reprsentend everything good in the world and I remember buying it and giving it to my mother and her laughing at them...my feeling of goodness died. Perhaps I think any love I offer anyone will be classed as not much at all, that my emailing T would feel like I was giving her something that meant a lot to me adn her not appriciating it..

[Perna]

Tough dilemma. I try to dampen the whole wondering about what the other person thinks/feels and try to see what I actually want. I say go for it if it makes you feel good to hear from T. It is a simple thing ("just" an e-mail) but I always had trouble reaching out, asking for something (because I didn't get it, was slapped down, so learned not to ask but to "steal" what I could from the Other instead). Asking for and expecting a simple, pleasant reply would be a big thing for me.

[Mouse_]

yes.

[PsyChris]

How is your relationship outside of therapy?

Does she normally only want you to page her or call her in emergencies? Or does she reguarly communicate with you outside of the therapy session?

[Mouse_]

No she doesn't reguarly communicate outside of session, she has firm boundaries, but doesn't have a problem if I need to email as she also knows this is something I only do when in crisis.

[ECHOES]

I understand the worry about bothering T. I can relate to that. But T said it was okay and so she considered if it would be a bother and concluded that it would not be

This sounds like it might be a good experiment Mouse. Now that you've imagined what it would be like, email her and see what it's like in comparison.

It's so hard when T's away.

[Kiya]

yeah, i'd say if you want to, certainly email her while she's gone =)

[foreverlost]

Being able to e-mail my T has been very beneficial for me because I have a horrible time being able to talk in person. I always feel bad for wasting his time, etc., but he assures me he doesn't mind at all. At first, I felt bad if I didn't get a reply right away, but now I tell him not to - just to save it for our next meeting. But, he usually responds anyway, nothing long, just enough to make me feel like someone is listening. E-mailing also lets me get something out when it happens and I am less likely to chicken out as I do in person. I e-mail almost daily. So, really, it's an individual thing. It makes me feel better and if your therapist didn't like it or it got to be too much, I am SURE she would tell you.
FEEL BETTER!

Is anyone else a failure at therapy?? Can't talk...

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
Asking for and expecting a simple, pleasant reply would be a big thing for me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I have reached the point where if I really need to get some stuff out of my head I am comfortable emailing my T. However, I have not gotten myself to the point that I would feel comfortable asking for a reply. I would mentally beat myself up for the next week for that. I would also drive myself nuts checking for a reply every two minutes.

Mouse, maybe it would make you feel a little better by reaching out and just sending a quick "thinking of you" or "hope you are enjoying ..Bangkok" message without expecting a reply. Then if you don't get one you won't feel slapped.

My oldest son (11 yr) is very affectionate and wants random hugs and cuddles all the time. In the summer, I was traveling for a week for school. Out of the blue he would randomly send me a phone pic message of himself. When I asked him, "what was that about?" He simply said, 'I was thinking of hugging you, but you weren't here, so I sent you my picture instead.' I said, "I liked getting the pictures, did it help you feel any better?" He simply said, 'yep!' He was sending the pictures for his own benefit, and freely admitted it. Sometimes he just amazes me. He knows what he needs and simply asks for it or finds a way to meet it himself. I can learn a lot from him.

[Mouse_]

I have no worries about T replying, I know she will, the problem is more I am too shy to email.....if i do it will be right toward teh end of next week I think...