Questions between session

Jully · Apr 18, 2008, 01:06 PM

I need to know how to interpret something that was said last session, and I mean really NEED to know, or I am going to obsess about this for the next week, drive myself and everyone around me crazy over it, hate T, hate myself, ruin my entire week worrying about it, possibly call this whole T thing off, etc, etc, etc.

My question is whether or not it is appropriate to email or leave a message and ask what was meant by something that was said, and if so, is it appropriate to expect a response before next session?

As I said I NEED TO KNOW, but I also don't want T to think I care about what is said in session that much. I don't want T to think I'm a pathetic loser with nothing to think about except a very insignificant remark made in session.

Soidhonia · Apr 18, 2008, 01:13 PM

Hello Jully. You should call your therapist if you have questions regarding your session, since it will just become problematic if you think about it too much. Take care. soidhonia

Kiya · Apr 18, 2008, 02:19 PM

i agree. if you already have t's email, then it seems plausible that emailing is ok. so either call or email t about the comment - usually t's are grateful for such communication; clairifying something. all mine have been. remember on the response thing - t's are also really super busy, so don't take it personally if you don't get a response. if you do, great! if not, try to put it on the back burner of your mind and know that it will be answered in time.
kiya

Razzleberry · Apr 18, 2008, 02:33 PM

Email, but if they don't respond, maybe call and say that you sent an email and you would like a response before your next appointment. They may not realize you need to know now - they may just be waiting until they see you next to explain in person. But you definitely have the right to ask now.

lauren_helene · Apr 18, 2008, 02:35 PM

You can call for sure. I've been down this road though and ask yourself what kind of response you want. Do you think you'll get it? and if you don't, will you feel worse?

If it is a quick answer it may be beneficial but if you really need to see eye contact or have a deeper discussion, then I'd wait.

Apr 18, 2008, 04:32 PM

If there is ONE thing I have learned in therapy so far, it's NOT to sit with something like that between sessions. It just goes around and around in my head and makes me crazy.

I used to feel like I "shouldn't" call T to ask him to clarify things, and instead I would wait between sessions. My sessions are twice a week, so I don't even have to wait that long - but it was so hard. One Friday in particular a few months ago, we had SUCH a horrible session - and I just sat with it over the weekend and it just made me insane. I was a big, weepy mess. When I finally talked to him about it in session on Monday, he was able to clarify what happened, and I felt so much better. We talked about calling during times like those so I don't have to have days and days of confusion, or hurt, or whatever.

It hasn't actually come up that often since then, but I do know that if it DOES, I need to call. T doesn't want you to suffer all week.

Let us know what happens! Questions between session

chaotic13 · Apr 18, 2008, 10:57 PM

I cannot tell you what is best to do. All I can tell you is that, I've been in the same situation many times. I've never actually called or emailed my T requesting clarification about something. And YES it has haunted me and kept my mind running for the full two weeks between sessions. I say if you can get yourself to call or email DO IT. I just could never take that step and suffered for it. Instead I posted the topic here on PC and investigated all of the possible meaning a particular statement might have had. Its inefficient but therapeutically distracting as you wait between sessions.

unpredictable · Apr 19, 2008, 10:52 AM

I'm not sure about all T's but when I had a question I just sent an email and he answered before the next session.

If you send an email remember that some people don't check often so you may not hear back right away. In that case call and leave a message asking the same question. I'd wait a day for the email and if no response I'd call.

foreverlost · Apr 19, 2008, 07:48 PM

I think it's perfectly OK to let your T know that you spend time thinking about your sessions; he or she will appreciate it. Plus, whatever the remark was, it was not insignificant to you, and that in itself is important. I think calling or e-mailing will provide some relief, but only if you don't set yourself up for waiting for a quick reply. T could be busy, out, whatever. But, I don't think s/he would be angry.
What do I know? I'm a rookie at this.

puckyjan56 · Apr 19, 2008, 07:57 PM

maybe i'm wrong or weird but i just breakdown when i'm w/my T. i let it all out and i never leave without asking her what she meant. i guess i'm getting really to ball her out if she meant something i don't want to hear. but you have her e-mail and i would do it and if she forgets keep on, keeping on. don't be afraid to ask. xxxxxxooooooooopj56

skeksi · Apr 19, 2008, 11:52 PM

I am in the minority, but I save things for the next session, even when they are going round and round in my head. This happened when I noticed that my T changed my DX code on my forms. It was killing me, but I waited the week between sessions. In that time I was able to run through a lot of different scenarios and come to peace with even the worst one, and it turned out to be an innocuous error in any case. I just feel too uncomfortable contacting T outside of sessions. It's not my way, and not his, either--we've never even discussed the possibility.

(JD) · Apr 20, 2008, 12:23 AM

That's a good way to be able to do it (skeksi)... work on therapy issues during the therapy session, and not all week long.

Those who need more contact with a therapist are often early in their healing, though not always. The therapist needs to know how the time inbetween sessions are for the patient, to help determine if additional contact is necessary for stablization. This is one reason it's important to tell the T, not just shrug or say "ok I guess" when they ask how you have been.

Definitely ask of the therapist if you earnestly need further help, such as a burning question, how to go about it. If no contact is available, try writing the question down when you think of it. It could be that once you do that, your mind will be freed up to find it's own answers or possible solutions. If it's something such as this specific issue, not really being sure what a T meant by a comment, if you can't put it aside till next session, I would call and leave a message explaining your distress.

TC

splitimage · Apr 20, 2008, 03:59 PM

My T has a strict policy of not discussing sessions between sessions, so it would never occur for me to call or e-mail her between sessions. But that's just our relationship.

--splitimage

Apr 20, 2008, 04:11 PM

I call, I email, I sky write.... whatever works... I don't sit with stuff in between sessions.

Jully · Apr 20, 2008, 07:00 PM

Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm still undecided about what I'm going to do. I am almost ok with just writing down my issue and handing it to T next session, but then I also want to know now! I'll keep you all posted!

(((everyone)))

lauren_helene · Apr 21, 2008, 09:13 PM

It is interesting how different T's perceive calls or emails between sessions.

Mine swears that doing so creates an unhealthy dependency because I wouldn't be learning to deal with life without him. Of course, my whole point is "I'm not ready to do it without you McFly"...ha!

But who knows, maybe he just doesn't want to be bothered because I see that others here have contact and it is helping not hurting.

Jully · Apr 22, 2008, 07:40 PM

I really just need to come out and ask T what to do in these situations. That would at least let me know what to expect. However, if T says no contact between sessions, then I would probably think he doesn't really care and it is just a job to him.

Anyway, I have definitely decided to just wait it out and ask in session.

lauren_helene · Apr 22, 2008, 07:59 PM

I know Jully...I have never asked outright but he used to take my calls and now doesn't SO that tells me plenty.

I still think it is rude but that is another issue. Actually what he says now is he didn't get the message...blames the office person...

I would wait if you can but if you have an emergency then by all means call

chaotic13 · Apr 22, 2008, 09:36 PM

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I really just need to come out and ask T what to do in these situations.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
When I was in your your place last fall, this is exactly what I did. Only I was having so much trouble communicating then that I did it via an email message. I was starting to engage in therapy and wanted to know the boundaries of our therapeutic relationship. I sent my T a list of assumptions/expectations/suggestions for dealing with session overflow. She was kind enough to go through each one with me in during our next session. This made me feel much better because I didn't worry anymore about being too needy, or crossing a boundary, for having some false expectation.

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