[MissCharlotte]

The need to feel safe. It is the challenge for all of us here.

I know there are places I want to go but I am still afraid of going there with T. I used to feel like I needed to feel safe and that once I arrived in that safe place with T I would be able to sort of spill my guts and then all would be well. But now I know that there is a continuum of safety the same way there is a continuum of healing. How far to go is completely up to me. I crave the intimacy of a deeper relationship, and I hope to be able to continue to forge that with T. That's what the hug dreams were about.

I think the challenge is meeting the obstacles and making friends with them.

This week T told me he would be giving up Tuesdays in his office beginning in September and wants to reschedule my Tuesday appt.

This has thrown me into somewhat of a tailspin. Even though he wants to reschedule--and even though I know he will--I am still rattled. I hold within me a fear of his tricking me...a sort of "yeah, we'll reschedule Miss," [loser].

Yesterday I dreamed that T cut my session short and was with his son and didn't even notice that we had 15 minutes left.

This is a big obstacle for me to climb over.

Sigh

((((((((((((((((((((( miss charlotte ))))))))))))))))))

Everything is so magnified in the T relationship, isn't it? I remember when T gave away my Friday appointment time, ONE TIME, I nearly lost it. The relationship is so intimate, and so different from anything else, and so vulnerable, that the smallest changes can bring up the biggest feelings.

Of course, the feelings that this brings up for you will probably be an opportunity for growth and even more intimacy. Your dream seems to say that you're afraid that T is going to take more time for his own life and leave you behind. That's a scary feeling. I hope you'll tell him about it, and take this chance for an even deeper relationship with him.

[DePressMe]

I think what really helps me build trust with my T is talking with her about my thoughts and feelings about our relationship. Maybe you should talk about the dream with your T.

I too have "my" time slot. Changing it would be difficult. Not just because of my schedule, but because I feel like it is "mine." A special time reserved just for me.

For a long time I was afraid my T. would fire me if I was not a good enough patient--if I did not make enough deep therapeutic progress. I felt like I was continuously pressured to work on deep dark issues. After talking with my T about it, i now feel comfortable knowing that not every session is going to be about deep dark issues. Sometimes it will be about everyday stresses, sometimes about our relationship...the deep problems play themselves out in everyday life and in my relationship with my T so it is important to talk about them too.

[kim_johnson]

One of the things that can help with intimacy is feeling the intimacy and then some distance and then some intimacy and then some distance over and over and over again. If I feel connected to my therapist and then I take a risk I get really scared that I'll have said something irrevocable which means that we can't have that connection anymore. So sometimes when the intimacy is going well I'm more scared of telling him stuff because I'm more afraid of damaging that.

I also freak out a little when things feel too intimate, though. Kind of like how the other poster would share stuff and then not want to go back. Maybe this is similar... Sometimes it feels invasive somehow, like he has crawled into my head. Hard to explain.

I understand feeling protective about your time slot. I think I feel pretty protective about mine too. I'm sick today. I emailed t and asked if we could have a phone session instead. Will see how that goes... I couldn't bear the thought of him seeing someone else in my regular time.

[Kiya]

((((((((((((miss!!)))))))))))))))))))

thinking of you

[lauren_helene]

Oh charlotte I'm sorry. My T told me once as we scheduled a bunch of wed at 7pm appts, he was probably changing his hours next year. Mentioned something about needing to work out.

He saw my look and said 'it's not because of you'...still hurt though...why my time slot? Its not like I go every day at 7pm and they are his current hours...ugh

Its just so hard to trust you are right.

Gee, I am more intimate with my therapst as far as revealing myself. I feel safe there--that is her job--I don't think I've said anything she hasn't heard something similar before. But I don't hardly reveal myself to my husband (which is definitely something we are working on in therapy with baby steps of success made).

If she needs to reschedule, I'm fine with that. I will reschedule her, too, if I find my appt. interferes with something else that came up. No big deal to me.

I guess I'm lucky that I don't have a great emotional attachment to her. I like her. She's helping me & is compassionate & good at what she does. But I want to have an intimate relationship with my husband. I find I can put my T in a "box" & not think much about my relationship with her until a day or two before my weekly appt. when I start to write notes about what I want to talk about.--Suzy

[MissCharlotte]

Hey all,

thanks for the replies. I'm not so much hurting as I know there is a part of me inside that is frightened. It's the little child who experienced so much denial and so many promises and ultimately so many lies. But she just kept waiting for someone to "show up."

T has already said we will reschedule to Mondays.

I just see these things as obstacles because it is my defense to put them between us...hanging on the hurt of the inner child rather than opening up to the possibilities of the mature adult?

The opening up is what feels so risky. And it is in that defense that the intimacy suffers. The intimacy of just being....sharing or not...but just being present as I am now in this moment or in the moment and space I share with T while feeling my emotional pain but not letting it derail the adult me. Whoa.

[chaotic13]

Biggest Obstacle to Intimacy--- Well, that would be ME of course!

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Ms C said:
I know there are places I want to go but I am still afraid of going there with T.

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I can relate to this statement. What is up with this??? Why can't we just get over it already and let it out? I don't know about you but... I am just plain stupid during my sessions. There is no valid excuse for not utilizing this interaction! I just can't get it out. Some days I can't even remember what my issues are sometimes until the session is over and I say, "DAMN, this issue really bothers me, why didn't I talk about that when had the chance to get some insight?"

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Kim_J said:
I also freak out a little when things feel too intimate, though. Kind of like how the other poster would share stuff and then not want to go back. Maybe this is similar... Sometimes it feels invasive somehow, like he has crawled into my head. Hard to explain.

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Wow! I feel like this a lot.

Regarding Time blocks:
I am not territorial about my time block. However, I did see a major difference in my T's demeanor when I switched my days from Tuesday to Wednesday. I am seriously considering switching back. Maybe it was just a bad day for her or I got caught up in a little bit of counter-transference or something. Luckily it was a very productive session, I just didn't like her that day.

Every time my time block or day changes now I do wonder if I might be messing someone's time block up. I would really hope that my T wouldn't schedule someone in another patient's regular time block if it really bothered them. I don't know if she is considerate of her patients in this regard or not.It likely would depend on if there was a therapeutic reason for making this accommodation, she might protect someone's time block. If I told my T I was upset about my time block being taken, I imagine that she would say to me something like... 'Sorry, no one owns a time block, if this change upsets you, get over it!'