NO SHOW

On one of my earlier posts, I told y'all that T asked if I could switch my apointment with him from Thursday at 3:00 to Friday at 3:00. I say okay, no problem. Of course, after that I started wondering if he was just trying to increase the length of time in between sessions.

Well, Friday I showed up at his office a little before 3:00. I waited about five to ten minutes. The phone rang and the receptionist answered it.

Now, Fridays are the days that T schedules court. I don't think he ever knows exactly when he will be back. So, the secretary told me that he was still at court and wouldn't be back for my session. What a brilliant attack. I was really injured.

If he was trying to totally %#@&#! me, he did a great job. Let's see, I'll move your time from Thursday until Friday to make you wait longer. Then, I'll let you come to my office just to be told that I won't be there. WTF?

I asked him to give me a call and he did. He was like, "I said I"m sorry." ? Now I promise you he'll give me the, "how to deal with disappointment" lecture. I am trying to deal with so much in my life now. I am nothing to him. I know that's as it should be. But it still hurts. I just feel like giving up. I would do anything to make him really care about me, but devastatingly know the truth, reality. There's no undoing the past. I'll never be free. I can't stand his aggressive techniques. This onslaught is more than I can handle. I feel more worthless and hurt. Is he trying to get me to leave so he won't have to ask me to leave? I so badly want him back the way he used to be. I've totally ruined that and have no one else to blame but myself.

Quite a few people who I care about are sick, dying, or are just plain sick of me. I am helpless, I can't control any of this. My stepdad is dying of congestive heart failure, he is terrified. All I can do is sit and talk to him. I can't go with him. I can't keep him here. He is alone, as we all are.

LET THE MASS EXODUS BEGIN. I knew it would end this way. I just knew it.

=( (((((((sol))))))))))) i am so sorry!!!

((((((Sol))))))))

I'm sorry.

((((((((((((( Sol )))))))))))))))

he sounds like a male T I used to see, no real caring, aggressive techniques (he also was much kinder to begin with, to get the transference to "take" (?) grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I'm so sorry (we won't abandon you here)

That really totally sucks.

(((((((((((Soliaree)))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((Sol))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry he treated you like that. I hope you have the opportunity to talk to him about what he did and how it made you feel. Maybe it is not a good idea for him to have clients on the days he is in court. Is this something that may happen frequently? If so, you deserve the same consideration that you are to give him. Most t require 24 hour notice to cancel shouldn't you get the same? Can you get your old time back?

BB

Sol, I'm sorry.

Sounds like with this T, to be safe, you should not schedule appointments on Friday afternoons, if he is in court Fridays. If you want to keep seeing him, can you get an appointment another day? It just sounds safer since he is unreliable on Fridays.

I do think if he is trying to get rid of you, as you suspect, he should be up front about it and not drive you away with his behavior. He wouldn't want you to act out, so he himself should model mature and healthy ways to deal with such situations. Can you talk about this with him, and tell him you suspect this sort of cancelation is his way of trying to get rid of you? You could either get confirmation or reassurance.

I'm sorry your having a bad time with him Soliaree! Has your relationship with him been like this the whole time? Maybe like all things you are just going through a rough patch with him? Therapists are not super-human. They make mistakes too. It clearly was wrong of him to re-schedule your therapy appointment to a time that he could not fully commit to. He needs to keep that entire day clear if he is going to be at court. Sometimes court cases drag on and on. On some friday's he may have been out well before your appointment, on others he may have made it late.

My advice is don't succumb to agreeing that you just need to accept disappointment! He needs to acknowledge that he is wrong, beyond an "I'm sorry."

This isn't just about accepting he makes mistakes/disappointment not when he says he will be there and then isn't.

I'm not sure what he is doing Solairee but a frank discussion with him is in order to determine if you both can move forward. This sort of thing destroys trust and I can't find the therapeutic value in that.

You mentioned last time you were there you felt you got some power back because you were assertive. Try and hold on to that feeling.

Nothing wrong with saying you want to change your appt time away from Fridays because he might get tied up like he did this time.

Why should you have to wonder every Friday if he will be able to make it?

You have needs to. Reasonable needs that include needing to be able to rely on your scheduled appt time.

My T did something similar recently but there wasn't a no show involved. My appt has been on Tuesdays and she needed to reschedule away from Tuesday because of a conflict. (No she didn't give my appt time to someone else--I asked!!). She suggested Monday and thought I was agreeing when I was just thinking. But she wrote me in and the next week I saw her on Monday. Well I didn't want Mondays at all and told her next time. She changed it to Thursday, then changed the time to 7 instead of 8 and I nearly missed the appt because I forgot the time changed too. I have told her before how I NEED a regular appt time. So when I arrived late (after calling to tell her I'd be late) I walked in and said, "SEE why I need a regular time?!?!". She just said "Yes." and it's been Thursday at 7 since.

Sheesh. They tell us to have a life outside of therapy, then think we are free all hours and days. lol. grrr.

I remember how crappy I felt when something like that happened to me once. It's awful. I'm sorry it happened to you. You're feelings are valid about this.

gg

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Soliaree said:
On one of my earlier posts, I told y'all that T asked if I could switch my apointment with him from Thursday at 3:00 to Friday at 3:00. I say okay, no problem. Of course, after that I started wondering if he was just trying to increase the length of time in between sessions.

Well, Friday I showed up at his office a little before 3:00. I waited about five to ten minutes. The phone rang and the receptionist answered it.

Now, Fridays are the days that T schedules court. I don't think he ever knows exactly when he will be back. So, the secretary told me that he was still at court and wouldn't be back for my session. What a brilliant attack. I was really injured.

If he was trying to totally %#@&#! me, he did a great job. Let's see, I'll move your time from Thursday until Friday to make you wait longer. Then, I'll let you come to my office just to be told that I won't be there. WTF?

I asked him to give me a call and he did. He was like, "I said I"m sorry." ? Now I promise you he'll give me the, "how to deal with disappointment" lecture. I am trying to deal with so much in my life now. I am nothing to him. I know that's as it should be. But it still hurts. I just feel like giving up. I would do anything to make him really care about me, but devastatingly know the truth, reality. There's no undoing the past. I'll never be free. I can't stand his aggressive techniques. This onslaught is more than I can handle. I feel more worthless and hurt. Is he trying to get me to leave so he won't have to ask me to leave? I so badly want him back the way he used to be. I've totally ruined that and have no one else to blame but myself.

Quite a few people who I care about are sick, dying, or are just plain sick of me. I am helpless, I can't control any of this. My stepdad is dying of congestive heart failure, he is terrified. All I can do is sit and talk to him. I can't go with him. I can't keep him here. He is alone, as we all are.

LET THE MASS EXODUS BEGIN. I knew it would end this way. I just knew it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> <font color="blue">I feel bad... that you feel bad. People can live with CHF for quite a long time... many live a normal life span with mediating drugs, exercise, diet, surgery, etc., so don't throw in the towel yet. I don't blame your step dad for being scared, because being really sick is scary, especially when it can be life threatening.
Regarding your T---- I don't know the man, but I don't see anything intentional in his behavior, or anything inappropriate when he called because he couldn't make it, as he was stuck in court during your appointment time. He would have done better had he called you before your appointment to tell you he couldn't get out, but things happen sometimes like that on accident. It would have pissed me off, but I wouldn't have internalized it or anything by reading something into it. That sounds like-- a cognitive distortion. I am really harsh on bad T's and PDOCS, so I'm not defending him or anything, and trust me, if I saw malicious intent in his actions, I'd say so-- and I'd go further and tell you to tell him to cancel ALL of your appointments, but I just don't see what you see, and I'm a detached outside observer.

I'll entertain the possibility that he might have moved your appointment from Thur. to Fri. to extend the time between appointments, but I don't know why he would do that. Did he tell you why he wanted to move the appointment time? It could have been he had a last minute change of plan too, ever think of asking him? I would never stick with a therapist that wasn't straight with me or played silly little games. I'd tell them where to shove it, as I have no time for that stuff.
It seems more likely from all you said though, that your just catastrophizing the situation, probably due to fear of abandonment. Oh, I've seen bad T's before, and I just got done telling someone else about my friends T. who really DID abandon him, unethically and illegally for no obvious reason, so they do exist. I'm just not sure this guy is doing that. I'd relax a bit, step back, take the weekend and reassess. Be direct with him when you see him next-it's probably not what you think.

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Thanks all for your replies! The main reason I thought he was trying to lengthen sessions in between is because he wants me to go to once a week instead of twice. I am not angry necessarily about Friday, I'm just frustrated because our relationship sucks right how. I'm unable to shake this and am obsessing about it 24/7. I wish he could just be the kind T that he was for the first 2 and a half years. Now I just don't feel it. Is it me? Probably, who knows?

I did like Echoes reframing , though:

Quote:
Sheesh. They tell us to have a life outside of therapy, then think we are free all hours and days. lol. grrr.

ROLF. I absolutely love that. That is exactly what I'm going to tell my T on Tues. "Well, T, I know you make mistakes (lie) but I need you to realize that I have a life outside of therapy that doesn't involve you. What do you think? That I am living my life around you? That's preposterous! I forgive you, but don't do it again."

Thanks Echoes, and everyone else who helped me see it in a different perspective. Take care all.

Aw, sweetie. I'm so sorry this happened :-(

It has happened to me, too. This p-doc. He was basically nice... He tried to help me. He worked with me when nobody else would. He was kind. But he would schedule me after court and then not turn up. And his cellphone or pager would go in the middle of a session and he would leave the room to take or make a call :-(

Can you tell him that you feel like your relationship is falling apart. That it was good for the first couple years and then it seemed to slip? It might not be just you, you know. But it certainly is worth talking about. Hang in there.

((((((((((((((( soliaree )))))))))))))))))