Could really use some help

I am really at a loss at what to do tomorrow. I have a team meeting tomorrow morning with both therapists, community support and someone from the assisted living place I am kind of staying at. Well I actually haven't been staying there since I've been having problems there and since I have decided to move out on my own again. I really feel I am ready to do so, even though I did just move in like in April, but I feel like I am back together emotionally and psychologically enough to be on my own and take care of myself. I am looking at moving to an apartment complex but there are 6 people ahead of me on the list. Plus it is taking everything I have financially to live at the assisted living and really they are so disrespectful. I am staying at my parents house currently and am planning to until I can get my apartment. I was planning on staying in the assited living for a year but because I am feeling confident with myself and because of the progress I've made, plus the problems I have had with staff and a few residents, I am no longer even considering the assisted living as an option. I realize if I leave they will not let me go back, not even temporarily for respite or anything, I am will to take that chance.

I don't kknow it's just this meeting tomorrow freaks me out. the person they have go to my meetings really intimidates me and I tend to shrink and almost have age regression when she is at my meetings, she is very confrontational and it makes me feel like lower than dirt. I feel completely paralyzed because she always points the blame on me. I have asked if they would send someone else, I did when I lived there last time, but they won't. I think it's because they know I become overly passive when she is there, so for them to win she goes. Any suggestions on how I can stay strong?

Jennifer, meetings like these can unsettled even a fully well person (whatever that it.)

I would write out what you want them to know, like what you wrote above only on a more refined basis. You might add in why you feel you are more capable now than two months ago, etc.

They probably want you to stay, right? So be prepared to do that, they might be right and have good points. However, also write out what you need to change for you to be able to stay there and continue to heal. (I would certainly talk about how you need to be shown respect, and give examples.)

You might also write some of your statements that you include in the above, separately to read again. If they continue to not understand something, you can repeat (read) the statement that you need them to hear and know. This will help you stay strong on those areas you don't wish to compromise.

Good wishes. They are just people doing their jobs, ok? If you have the final say, then realize you're all equal.

I would make sure if you can, and even offer to return in the future should you find yourself having trouble.

Jennifer, talk to your 2 therapists and tell them of your difficulties with this person. Ask them to help make the other person stay respectful and non-confrontational. Perhaps at the beginning of the meeting, one of the therapists can help establish the "ground rules" of the meeting: respect for all, listening and not interrupting, no raised voices, etc. The T would brainstorm ideas for the ground rules with the participants and all parties would come up with a list containing everyone's suggestions.

My T fills a role like this at some meetings I have to go to.

Thank you for the advice. I have discussed moving with my therapists and my worker, they are either supporting me or want me to make my own decision. I have never really had alot of support there at the assisted liviing. Which it was brought to my attention, it is hardly even assisted living. The only thing I am allowed to do on my own is laundry. Otherwise I can't do anything. I got in trouble for making my own doctors appointment when I was really sick, cause they wouldn't let me get checked out. Which I went to urgent care a few days before because I could hardly get out of bed, without their permission. I was already on an antibiotic and so the doctor there put me on a different one because they told me i had bronchitis on top of the other infection I had. Then the staff where I had been living made me take both antibiotics on an empty stomach and that same day is when I got in trouble for making my own appointment to get everything cleared up.
Sorry if I am seeming defensive or something, I am not meaning to be, I am just tired of being treated the way I have been. Since technically it is my decision, I guess I feel it should remain to be my decision. Besides $1010 a month is alot when all you get is SSI.

But really sorry if I seem rude or anything, it is not my intention. I guess it just stirs alot of strong emotions.

Jennifer

I think you have good reasons to support your decision... write them down in good phrasing and read them when / if asked!

((((((((((((((( Jennifer ))))))))))))))))
I just wanted to wish you good luck tomorrow.

Thank you, I am feeling a little better about tomorrow, though still nervous. My worker and I decided that after telling her and giving her my 30 day notice that we would ask the one that is confrontational to leave because really she is not necessary to take part of my plans.

I like your plan. It sounds really solid.

I have had the same experience with assisted living facilities that you are expressing now. It's odd how they have transitioned since I was a child. Once upon a time, they were for the elderly. The severely disabled lived in state run facilities. The functioning disabled lived in the community. All was well...

Now, however, it seems that Assisted Living is a mix of all of the above... anyone with enough benefits to cover the monthly rate. There are some GREAT communities... but a lot are underfunded, understaffed, and are totally unable to focus on a cohesive community because of the varied needs of their clients.

If you have another safe place to stay, I'd jump at it... if something goes wrong, you can always go to another assisted living facility until your apartment is ready. none of these decisions are forever and I think that you are right in noticing that the asst living people taking away your ability to take responsibility for your own decisions is a bad sign.

Good luck @ your meeting tomorrow. Fingers crossed you move up on the list more quickly than you expected for housing!

((((((((((((((( Jennifer )))))))))))))))))

Thank you everyone, I just thought thought I would let you all know I made it through my meeting this morning. Though it went really rough. I actually stood up for myself and asked the person who was defensive to leave because I didn't feel that her presence at that time was beneficial for me and that since this was my meeting and it was about me that I should be able to stand up for myself. She didn't leave though and it just got worse. There was another person from the assisted living and she also got defensive and said that all I do is think about myself and if it's not about me I get upset. which really is not true because I think of others more than myself. I ended up just not being able to handle it any longer, but I did not get small. I did end up crying becacuse they were way out of line and said some really hurtful things. My therapists said afterward they didn't step in because they saw that I was handling it on my own and they didn't want to stop that. They were really supportive and let me know they were way out of line. But now it is final, I am moving out. I made it!!!!

Jennifer

wow! Way to use your voice, and your power! I am excited for you....you did it!

(((((((((((((((((((( jennifer1084 ))))))))))))))))))) way to go!