[MeltedCrayons]

Hello, I'm not sure if this is the place to post it, but this forum seemed the best one for this subject, but i am sorry if i am wrong:

I really need help.
I get really depressed for a few days or so , but then im ok. and somestimes I would completley blow up, breaking plates and crying and being so angry i want to die right there, for the ltitles things. something as simple as me cant gettin gmy lock on my locker to open will send me in tears.
Also, i forget things constantly...for example, my camera was upstairs. my charger was downstairrs. it took me 45 minutes to get the two together because i would go upstairs, not realizing my I brought my charger, find my camera, somehow (i dont remember) i put my charger down upstairs so when i took my camera downstairs my charger isnt there, i look for it, go back upstairs(but left my camera downstairs b/c i didnt realize i set it down or i didnt remeber) find my charger....the cyle goes on. 45 minutes it took to do such a simple thing.
One day i was so fed up with the forgetfulness. my friend let me borrow his calculator. i used it in class then after class i found him, and teh calculator was gone. i ran back to my other class, having only been gone for 2 minutes, it should still be there. i asked everyone in the room and the next day i asked my class. but anyway, it was gone, and it was because i probably took it out or set it out and didnt rememeber or didnt realize i did. I had to go home early because i could not stop crying. If i'm late to things, i feel like i have to throw up nd i cry. its insane.
I also lie. ALOT. well, actually, it used to be alot, but i now i try to catch myself before i say it so that i wont. i basically created these stories about myself but i would say them without really thinking i was lying. it seems so natural. it flows off the tongue. I hate it. bascially i have a story for one person, as in cynthia thinks la la la about me (huge untrue story) but bob things dee dee dee (a different story)

Any explanations??? My dad took me to a phsyciatrist because of teh temper tantrums things, but he said i was going for a regular doctors check up and we ended up at a phyciatrists so i was uncooperative cus it made me really angry...and i cant admit to him that i need one now that i was so uncooperate before...

I know this was long, but i'm really desperate, i cant sleep, I'm lying, I'm depressive ( i will nto get out of bed because i really just want to lay there), I explode in tears at stupdi things and i explode in anger at stupid things. I'm 17 years old and i really do need help...I'm sorry if this wasnt the right way to ask for it but i have no idea what i'm doing so please forgive my naiveness...and my typos, i have to type this quickly becuase i'm on my dad's computer.

thank you so much

[Kiya]

hi
i think for starters it is ok to tell your dad you were wrong and to go see who he suggested. he should not have lied to you - you coul *calmly* tell him that. but then maybe try being ok with getting help.
I think you're right - you do need someone who can see a different perspective than you can. And that is good to know that, accpet that, and take action to get it done.
Good luck with it- let us know?
Kiya

((((Melted))))))
I totally agree with Kiya. This sounds like a very difficult situation for you to be dealing with yourself. Please keep us updated!

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( meltedcrayons ))))))))))))))
I agree that you should try to calmly talk to your dad and try to get some help, good luck.

[pachyderm]

I agree that telling your dad again that you really want help sounds like a good thing to do.

[chaotic13]

(((MeltedCrayons)))
Your dad's actions seem to suggest that he cares about you. At 17 I would have been mad and uncooperative when I found out that he scheduled me with a Pdoc without my knowledge. I think most teens would be. You dad probably realizes that this might not have been the best way to handle this issue. He might even be trying to figure out how to move forward. Maybe you can start the conversation with something like... Dad when you scheduled that appointment without telling me I was really angry... now that I've had time to think things over... I think I would like to get help.

[ECHOES]

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and i cant admit to him that i need one now that i was so uncooperate before...


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It might seem like you can't, but really you can. It will feel difficult, but you can do it. I think your Dad will be delighted that you've decided you can benefit from the help he offered. Now you are ready, that's all. And that's okay... and a good thing!

I'm rooting for you!

So, did you actually see the psychiatrist? I wasn't sure what you meant by "uncooperative"-- if you actually ended up going or not.

You have the right to be mad at your dad! Geez, you are admitting that you have a problem with lying and then your dad lied to you. That's not cool. Not only should he have told you the truth about where he was taking you, but he really should have consulted with you beforehand.

However, it does sound like your dad is really concerned and scared, too. He was probably afraid of what your reaction would be, so he figured it would be easier to do it in the manner in which he did.

Think about it this way-- if you tell your dad that you are willing to be cooperative because you realized that you really do need a psychiatrist, it really won't be any surprise to him-- he obviously knows that you are in need of help because he brought you there to begin with! If you are ashamed of being uncooperative and then coming to the realization that you do need help, I can understand that-- because now you have to admit it to someone else... but that is the first step towards recovery. I don't think there is any one of us on this board who didn't go through a period where we were resistant to admitting we need help. It is a very difficult thing to do.

[MeltedCrayons]

Thanks for all the replies; it means alot

to shed some more light on the situation- my mother died when I was in 8th grade and i was extremely close to her. I never cried until a year later (my dad mentioned it to the pychiatrist so i thought it might be worth mentioning)
also, my relationship with my dad is almost nonexistant. I don't like to talk to him at all and we have nothing in common. He is more like my sister. He comes home late so i pretty much have the house to myself (my sister goes out with friends all the time) until 11 or later.
The only thing we can talk abotu without being awkward is the weather. To be honest, when it is his time to go, i hope he isn't going to buried next to my mom because id only want to visit my mom (is this kind of thought bad? i feel giulty for thinking it)

My sister- I hate her. I honestly cant stand her. I clean up after her, she's constantly mean. She's incredibly snobby and even though she lives with me, we have not a spoken a word to each other in almost 3 weeks now.

this is why it is hard for me to tell my dad: I do not think i can do it. I actually saved up and went to a pychiatrist myself, but she ended up contacting my dad about it (even when she sworn she wouldnt and told me whatever i said stayed in the room secret safe)

I have no idea what to do becuase I can't wait a year when I'm 18...everything is getting worse...

[ECHOES]

MeltedCrayons, I'm so sorry you lost your Mom and at such a young age.
It sounds like you didn't get help to deal with losing your Mom and you are really struggling; a therapist would be someone to share these things with. Talking may start out feeling awkward, but with time it will feel comfortable and the therapist will help you with it.

A year is so long to have to wait for the help you would like to have.
Could you write your Dad a note to tell him?

[chaotic13]

Sounds like all three of you are struggling with this incredible loss silently and alone. (((MeltedCrayons ))) I hope you can find a way to break the silence and bring some healing into your home. I haven't been able to talk much about the loss of my mother. For me the pain seemed to fade a way during my 20s, then surfaces and hits me again and again at random.

My advice to you is to try and talk to someone before it gets so buried and tangled up inside that it becomes impossible to get out.

Journaling has help me a lot.

((MeltedCrayons ))

[SycoNI]

lots of hugs i hope you find a solution soon

[Simcha]

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MeltedCrayons said:
Thanks for all the replies; it means alot

to shed some more light on the situation- my mother died when I was in 8th grade and i was extremely close to her. I never cried until a year later (my dad mentioned it to the pychiatrist so i thought it might be worth mentioning)
also, my relationship with my dad is almost nonexistant. I don't like to talk to him at all and we have nothing in common. He is more like my sister. He comes home late so i pretty much have the house to myself (my sister goes out with friends all the time) until 11 or later.
The only thing we can talk abotu without being awkward is the weather. To be honest, when it is his time to go, i hope he isn't going to buried next to my mom because id only want to visit my mom (is this kind of thought bad? i feel giulty for thinking it)

My sister- I hate her. I honestly cant stand her. I clean up after her, she's constantly mean. She's incredibly snobby and even though she lives with me, we have not a spoken a word to each other in almost 3 weeks now.

this is why it is hard for me to tell my dad: I do not think i can do it. I actually saved up and went to a pychiatrist myself, but she ended up contacting my dad about it (even when she sworn she wouldnt and told me whatever i said stayed in the room secret safe)

I have no idea what to do becuase I can't wait a year when I'm 18...everything is getting worse...

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I know what it's like to not be able to connect with your family and to be treated as though you are invisible. Trust me, it does get better when you are older.

Your dad probably isn't a bad guy, he just probably doesn't know how to be more of a dad and father to you. My guess is your mom filled the parental nurturing position more so than your father, and when she passed then he didn't really know how to do it as well.

Your sister is mean to you because she is immature. Someday she will outgrow this. I would respond by being nice, and avoiding her when she is likely to lash out at you. I wouldn't be a "tattle tale" when she says mean things, unless it's SUPER BAD.

Do you play sports or do any other extra-curricular activities to keep you busy after school? If not, you could either try to get a part-time job if you don't have one, and/or take up a sport or martial art. Distraction is the best thing sometimes, and you wouldn't have to run into your sister's snobbish behavior all the time either.