[mazer34]

After 2 years my therapist has finished her work with me as that was her time limit,I feel I have not finished working on myself yet,so it feels unfinished work.I done nothing but cry in front of her today,I knew I would but tried so hard not too as I get so embarressed by crying.I just wanted to get a hug but I know your therapist is not allowed to,so I never got one .I was a blubbering wreck,is it normal to feel this painful after saying goodbye to your therapist ??????I feel I have lost someone very special,I feel nothing but grief at this loss.

[Sannah]

I'm sorry Mazer, many people feel like you are feeling. It is a loss that you will have to grieve........

(((((((((((((((((((mazer))))))))))))))))))

I think what you are feeling is very normal...and it sounds terribly painful

Sending many

Mazer -
I lost my therapist after 2 years of working with her from Sept 06-Sept 08. It ripped my heart out. I still sometimes cry over it.
A loss is a loss and you have the right to grieve it. Therapy touches us in the deepest and sorest of places and tries to help us find healing. What a personal bond you have to build with that person. To lose them, is of course painful.
What you are feeling is most definitely normal.
As I was told by my current therapist, yes it is painful, but try to focus on all the things you gained from the relationship instead of the fact that it is over. That's hard... I know.
Safe hugs.

[peaches100]

((((((Mazer)))))

Oh, Mazer! It must hurt SO much right now! My heart really goes out to you!! Your therapist was a special person and will always have a place in your heart. Let yourself cry, but hold onto her inside you.

[deliquesce]

*hugs*, mazer.

my therapy ended yesterday also, but in different circumstances. like you, i had been seeing him for two years. i really respected him from the outset, and had even started to trust him (a huge thing for me). anyway, yesterday he betrayed me by calling in acute care services. i begged him not to - i wasn't in harm's way - but still he did. when he asked me at the end of the session when we would see each other next i said i didnt want to see him anymore. and that was it.

a 2 year relationship over in a matter of minutes.

just wanted to say i hear you, and i'm grieving also. take care of yourself.

[coconut64]

Mazer I hear you and your pain. I went through that last year when my relationship with my old T ended suddenly. All I can say is that it will get better with time. Since you mention you want to continue to work on yourself, do you think you feel up to finding another T? Is it too soon?

[mazer34]

Thanks,your all so kind and understanding big to every one.
I just thought and prayed my T would have taken me on as a private client ,she said she would have loved to see me for another 2 years but the charity only let you have 2 years max.She is also a private councellor,as well as her day job being a CPN .I seen her through the post natal depression charity where she worked one day a week as a volunteer therapist.Im missing her so much and my 2 year old daughter loved going to the creche where she was looked after by other volunteers.Im missing them all so much.I just dont know what Im going to do without her.

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

*hugs*, mazer.

my therapy ended yesterday also, but in different circumstances. like you, i had been seeing him for two years. i really respected him from the outset, and had even started to trust him (a huge thing for me). anyway, yesterday he betrayed me by calling in acute care services. i begged him not to - i wasn't in harm's way - but still he did. when he asked me at the end of the session when we would see each other next i said i didnt want to see him anymore. and that was it.

Would it help to think that he was doing that because he was really worried about you ? probably not - my T said if I spoke to her of self harm she would call my work T and that closed the door on getting any help from her if i get really desperate- because i dont want him to know anything about when i cut myself - it's so hard you need to be able to say what you feel so they can help you help yourself but there is a line and if they feel you cross it they feel they have get extra help. it sucks - I hope you feel better soon P7

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by mazer34

After 2 years my therapist has finished her work with me as that was her time limit,I feel I have not finished working on myself yet,so it feels unfinished work.I done nothing but cry in front of her today,I knew I would but tried so hard not too as I get so embarressed by crying.I just wanted to get a hug but I know your therapist is not allowed to,so I never got one .I was a blubbering wreck,is it normal to feel this painful after saying goodbye to your therapist ??????I feel I have lost someone very special,I feel nothing but grief at this loss.

When I left T2 I had only seen him for 8 sessions - that was all i got with my insurance - from the moment i spoke with him I trusted him and that was major - Im sure the x files took their logo from me - Trust no-one! LOL In those 8 sessions we got through so much work my head was spinning - I still say he saved my life - I had 2 things left to do on my list then I was outtahere! I told him how i felt about my dad getting cancer and how horrible it was and how he went even crazier and the awful things he said and did - only to find out at my last session that T had cancer - he was very open and upfront about it and I put my best shield in place and wished him well and then totally fell to pieces on his front steps - cried all the way home on the train and for the next 2 days - (hadnt cried for 10 years before and not since)

felt terrible for telling him about my dads cancer - what if i had put a pic in his head of how it would be for him - that was unforgivable - here was someone who had helped me and i had harmed him also i think in the back of my head i had thought even if i didnt see him he was there in the background - somewhere safe and that was gone too - it triggered things from my childhood - abandonment, shame, guilt, it was terrible but i got through it and you can too - we are stronger than we think - the pain dulls after a while and we move on - slightly dented but still moving - I hope it gets better for you soon and sorry for the long post P7

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

Would it help to think that he was doing that because he was really worried about you ? probably not - my T said if I spoke to her of self harm she would call my work T and that closed the door on getting any help from her if i get really desperate- because i dont want him to know anything about when i cut myself - it's so hard you need to be able to say what you feel so they can help you help yourself but there is a line and if they feel you cross it they feel they have get extra help. it sucks - I hope you feel better soon P7

i think he was worried, but more than that he was guarding his back. he said "wouldn't it look bad if i had to go to coroner's court and tell them i didnt refer you to acute services?". i'm not surprised that he protects himself first, but i always thought he would care about me too.

yeah, i just think - how could i ever go back and be honest with him, if all he will do is call acute care to my house again?

thank you for your message, P7. i really needed that hug.

[phoenix7]

[quote=deliquesce;896265]i think he was worried, but more than that he was guarding his back. he said "wouldn't it look bad if i had to go to coroner's court and tell them i didnt refer you to acute services?". i'm not surprised that he protects himself first, but i always thought he would care about me too.

I think he showed he cared - cared but maybe didnt understand enough - couldnt read you well enough adn was afraid for you - his comment may be his way of justifying to himself why he called

yeah, i just think - how could i ever go back and be honest with him, if all he will do is call acute care to my house again?

Its hard once you feel there is no trust left where do you go from there ? this is hard but you can get through this

quote]
take care

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by mazer34

I just thought and prayed my T would have taken me on as a private client ,
did you ask her? maybe she was waiting for you to ask? maybe they are not allowed to ask us in case it is seen as trying to get business? just thinking out loud....

.I seen her through the post natal depression charity where she worked one day a week as a volunteer therapist.Im missing her so much and my 2 year old daughter loved going to the creche where she was looked after by other volunteers.

have you asked if your daughter might still be allowed to go? you never know till you ask - hard as that may be. adn yes i know its very hard to ask.

Im missing them all so much.I just dont know what Im going to do without her.

We are here for you - P7

[deliquesce]

mazer, p7 is right. could you somehow get back in touch with the creche and your T and ask those questions? maybe send them an email, so it's less confronting?

Originally Posted by phoenix7

felt terrible for telling him about my dads cancer - what if i had put a pic in his head of how it would be for him - that was unforgivable - here was someone who had helped me and i had harmed him

p7 - can i relate a story to you? i'm studying psychology as an undergrad myself, and i did a subject on counselling last year. the lecturer told us how he found out he had cancer, and how difficult it was for him *at first* because he working for a cancer support group. but then he said that having that experience, living through it, helped him relate in a way that he previously only could grasp at with his clients, and also he got supervision for himself (from other therapists) so that his issues didn't interfere with the quality of care he was providing, and also so that he didnt take on his clients issues and read them into himself. eventually when he started treatment for his cancer he decided to take a break from therapy, because he knew he would not cope emotionally, but he since returned and said no one ever harmed him by being open and upfront about what they were going through.

i dont think you harmed your T either. i am sure that he would have support himself, and is wise enough to separate his experiences from your father's.

[phoenix7]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i dont think you harmed your T either. i am sure that he would have support himself, and is wise enough to separate his experiences from your father's.

thanks for that - I have convinced myself of that too, it took a long time - sometimes it still bothers me but mostly i am ok with it... mostly - so thanks and he is a very experienced T so Im sure he would have been able to deal with it - he asked me what type of cancer my dad had a couple of times but it was more in an interested way than any other way - I was just feeling lost and alone and so took it too much to heart i think - eek! I have a heart! I think not!!! Lol

[mazer34]

I dont know how to explain to my 2 year old she is not allowed to go back to see Pat the creche volunteer that she bonded to,when I tell her pat has went home she starts crying and shouting Im going to see pat !! Its breaking my heart.

[Mouse_]

I think we all have to experience loss even at 2...as long as you give her a short explaination that isn't expecting a 2yr old to understand something that even we can't understand complteely then she should be fine eventually. Your the adult, you have to take the lead here.