Ego states......

Does anyone have any experience with or information on this phenomena?

I am mostly looking for personal experience but solid literature would be great also.

I am mostly interested in things such as:

When did you notice these parts of yourself in Th?
How does or doesn't your T work with them?
Do they scare the begeezers out of you ever?
Have you gotten used to it?
Are there more 'states' than who present at first?

Just starting to get to know my inner selves... I could use support and/or info.....

Thanks ya'all!!

ego? hmmm.... well, had one or two once, they didnt do me much good but i found out its not a terrible tool... we can learn management of our egos in time i believe.. it comes at the same pace as the inner understanding you mentioned...

ego is the thing which stands between us and our clear vision of all (which is love)

to what degree we variate from a healthy ego state, will be our current ego state

defining healthy ego for ourselves is central to growing one..

we need to understand our inner desires in a healthy way.. through the process of inner reflection and self discovery we can develop a healthier ego...

just as being peaceful within ourselves creates a world peace, having a healthy ego in our lives allows the inner understandings to flow forward

this is a very interesting topic to me and i am not any kind of expert, just something that caught my attention as it bears a significance to the past, present, and future .. thank you and i hope you are given the answers you seek

[quote=searchingmysoul;894754]

I am mostly interested in things such as:

When did you notice these parts of yourself in Th?
I think I've always been aware of what felt like conflicting messages running through my head. But it wasn't until one session when I T asked me to imagine myself at 10 and how I might have felt about something. I couldn't do it during the session and she had to have me think about how my son would feel. Later that night when I was alone and writing in my journal..a very clear image of a little child surface with very strong emotions attached to it.

How does or doesn't your T work with them?

My T occasionally mentions children's memories, and has talked about them in relation to the pictures I draw. She asked me once...what would happen if you allow this one out in therapy? I didn't respond to this question during the session but later I emailed her my response. I am VERY glad that she does not attempt to have me deliberately conjure them up or that she doesn't try to talk to them directly. This would make me feel stupid and freak me out.

Do they scare the begeezers out of you ever?

YES!!! but people talking about them here has calmed my fears a little bit. My biggest fear was that the stress of therapy was causing me to develop a fragmented personality. I don't believe that any more. I think it has just made me more aware of different aspects of my personality.

Have you gotten used to it?

It is still unsettling, but I can tolerate them better now that I am not thinking I'm going to turn into Sibel.

Are there more 'states' than who present at first?

Yes, but only two seem like they are more intense than the others.

I started to notice my different selves as I got more comfortable with T...

T somehow relates to each of them according to their age....for example, he is very gentle and caring with the littlest me, jokes and swears with teenage me, etc. He also points out when I am fully "adult" sometimes, and more integrated.

They scared me at first...teenage me still scares me...she is angry and self-destructive...

I've gotten used to it. The hardest part for me is that the young parts of me NEED T and don't always have access to him.

I just want to thank you all for responding. I appreciate it so much and love the support at PC. I needed it!

(((((nowheretorun)))))

(((((chaotic13)))))

(((((earthmama)))))

This has been coming up for me in Th and has been alot to absorb. it is nice to have the support here.

~Searching

Take your time absorbing... my experience with these little people is no matter how focused and committed you are to ignoring them, excising, assimilating them it is not a quick and swift process. As the Borg say.."resistance is futile!"

I was not interested at all in getting to know them, talking to them, nurturing them, or really figuring out why these little critters were in my head--I just wanted them GONE...But at this point I'm learning co-exist with them. (Do you guys believe that I actually wrote that? LOL.)

I'm so proud.

I found a good starting point for learning was ego state therapy:
http://www.clinicalsocialwork.com/overview.html

The night before my second or third therapy session, I had a dream about a little girl, a younger me, that I took with me to therapy. I told T about this the next day, and he told me the little girl was a younger ego state and that everyone has them to some extent. He said the younger me's split off like that often due to traumatic childhood events. They are not completely separate, though, as in DID. (I never have "lost time" where an ego state takes over and I have no memory of it.) I have identified about 3 fairly distinct younger versions of me. One is a teen, the other two are about 5 and 8. We have worked with these as well as some younger ego states that are less distinct. T has taught me how to go to them and rescue them from traumatic incidents. How to comfort them. I love them dearly.

Quite some time after I became cognizant of the younger me's, an adult, male ego state manifested himself. That was pretty freaky! He told me his job was to protect me. He is a young adult and quite brash and headstrong. He's a definite handful. What is weird is that he seems to have knowledge of some things that go on that I don't, and also knows things about the younger ego states that I don't. He is particularly friendly with the teen. It really threw me for a loop that I didn't know everything that was going on. I felt like, "hey, who's in charge here????" T talks to the other ego states sometimes, but always through me. He asks me a question, then I ask the ego state, and she/he responds to me, and I relay the response to T. Sometimes it is weird, like I am an observer or a bystander, just a go between. Especially, the male has wanted to speak with T directly and will tell him things I have no say in at all. It has really annoyed me, to have these "males" (my T is male) talking about me as if I was not there. He has also told T things about T that I would never say directly to T. He is not invested in the therapy relationship like I am so this is not hard for him. Since my T is a family therapist from a family systems perspective, he takes the role of helping us all "get along" and he helps me know the right things to say to them to reassure them and calm them. He says the relationship between me and my protector can benefit from the same sort of skills he teaches couples to get along better. He also lets me be the total guide on if we will work with or talk about the ego states. He never brings them up. It helps me just to be aware of their existence. Knowing about the male and having communicated with him and heard his point of view has made me better able to understand my sometimes uncharacteristic reactions to certain situations. Now I can smile and think, "there he goes again." He is after all, motivated by his desire to protect me and the girls. He means well, and he has a lot to offer (strength) if I can take advantage.

Absolutely. Discovering the male was especially freaky. It was one thing to have younger versions of me, but quite another to have an ego state that was an adult and of a different gender. Who is that???

Yes. The first time the male came, he stayed with me continuously for several days and my brain got pretty darn crowded. I felt I was being crowded into a corner and he was getting most of the space. Finally I made him leave. I felt bad about that, but I couldn't take that much closeness over a long period of time. I need him to stay in the background.

Good luck. The psyche is so interesting.

My T uses the term "self states."

When I first became aware that there are different parts of myself I was terrified. I called T in a complete panic. Like Sunny's T, my T said that it is accepted that most people have these varying parts.

I do not have DID, but I have lost time.

I am currently sharing time with my 8-year old self. She is a very wounded self state, who spent an inordinate amount of time fantasizing so she wouldn't have to face her lonely, scary life. T is teaching her good self care.

Good luck to you.

I just want to thank everyone again...I is comforting to read everyone's expereinces and get the website too...

When they first came up she wanted me to talk to them. I was like "F*** NO!" But in subsequent sessions they kept coming up...I started talking for them...Saying out loud what these parts of me wanted to express.

Then this last week we had a highly charged and emotional session and the internal battle between these selves was unreal. And they literally hijacked me in the session speaking for themselves (but I, the executive me, was still there). Holy smokes- I was sure I had just gone off the deep end. I was so drained and scared and outside/inside myself....Anyway, I really appreciate the support here.

Thank you all for answering my questions too...

I think at some point I would like to try hypnosis. Just to see if I could resolve some of the anxiety that seems to be created by the internal conflict these states create.

Chaotic:

Now, this sounds like a really good idea and insight! Much earlier in my therapy T did some EMDR but it was too triggery for me. Now that I have a bit more understanding of the genesis of my pain, I asked T if we could return to the EMDR. He said we could try but that we could also do some deep relaxation. I am anxious to DO something to help this very wounded part of me.

I am SO here in therapy at the moment. When I went to my last session, I was worried about doing something new was fighting some fear about being manipulated...bah..paranoid stuff. But my desire to DO something, ANYTHING to address my problem won the battle. I was sick of just trying to talk about stuff, I wanted to FIX it. Then half way though the technique I had a strong desire to talk again...

I think my different ego states don't know what the heck they want other than just to create conflict.

My T has pointed out a few different ego states in me, which conflict with each other and hate each other and try to do things their own way. Generally I have different ego states for different roles or tasks, but I have had one try to take over something that another ego state was supposed to be doing (the one that was supposed to be doing it apparently got scared). It is weird when you see fragments like that in yourself. I'm still aware no matter which ego state is operating, and all have the same memories, etc.

I think that DID is a similar fragmentation, but more complete, so that the ego states separate from each other and don't recognize each other as part of the same personality, and don't share memories, etc. I think that most people, if not everybody, has splits and chips and pockmarks like this - just a matter of degree.

My T hasn't done a lot of work with my ego states directly. Once she had me switch between them, and talked about integration. I can recognize my ego states on my own if I try. I think I still need more work on this.

This is kind of how I understand it too. But I also get that this interpretation of it is influence by my person experiences and what goes on in my own head.

Mine either, but again I think this is where my T gets that I was and probably still am fearful of them. When we've talked about what they are feeling... the conversation is usually in the 3rd person. If I had therapy today, I would be asking my T if she has notice a change in the way that I am dealing with these fragments.

I don't mind having different ego states but I definitely want to have a chief of staff (an executive).

What I think is cool is how different people here deal with these ego states. Some are willing to allow themselves to step into these ego states and almost become that little girl or that teenager. Others seem to image there adult ego state stepping in and providing the guidance and loving care that the younger state needs. Others seems to sit in therapy and allow their T to serve as mediator among the states. Then there is me who represents them in drawings and then in therapy acknowledges what they're feeling and what they might have experienced.

To me this is just another case where therapy protocols outlined in some textbook don't accurately reflect the true art of the profession. I think it is amazing how a T might sit with 5 different patients in the same day and use 5 different ways to basically do the same thing--listen and help put the fragments back together.

(((((chaotic13)))))

This is very insightfully put. And interesting to ponder. Also- if you ever decide to do hypnosis to learn more about your ego states- I am sure so many would be interested to hear about it...(raises hand)....


Rapunzel- I totally agree about the different ego states for different tasks, especially now that I am becoming aware of this internal phenomena. Recently I had a minor thing with a supervisor- now that I am aware of these states I can totally see that a different state had taken over in that moment time. The whole interaction was nothing like how my executive self behaves.

And when they are very activated it feels a lot like this:

Therapy is definitely interesting......

Searcingmysoul:

I was REALLY fearful of these ego states. But now they are not so bad. Some images in my head are not good ones, some of the feelings that they generate are not good ones. For me the scary and the fearful presented themselves first. But as I allowed myself to feel and experience these feelings others surfaced.

We all have unique and different ways of acknowledging them and trying to figure out what they are trying to tell us. One of the first threads I recall reading about ego states was I think is was Miss C's. (Miss C please correctly if I am mistaken). I remember she had acknowledged her inner child by building a Teddy Bear. Orange Blossom writes really cool stories that present an experience from each ones perspective.

For me...I've been on a kind of spiritual high lately. So I've been drawing what they feel like and then changing their surroundings. I've just figured that PC has a photo album option. If you are interested I uploaded two of my ego state drawing so you can see how I am trying to deal with them. I don't know its been kind of fun and I'm finding that they don't scare me as much. I'm also finding that they are not creating as much noise in my head.

I want very much to do hypnosis and my T does do hypnosis, but she won't do it with me . Says I am too willing to be submissive so it wouldn't be helpful for me at this time. I really hope that at some time we can try it.

chaotic, I believe that hypnosis is a tool commonly used in ego state therapy. After I sent my male/protector ego state away so forcefully, I felt really bad, and that I might never be able to contact him again. I tried to look for ways to contact ego states. Hypnosis was an oft-mentioned way. I did not do that, though. I felt if we were meant to talk again, it would happen.

One thing my male/protector ego state was really scared about was that my therapist was teaching me to cope better, take care of the little girl ego states, deal with dangerous situations on my own, and he felt very threatened by that, because it was HIS role to do all that. And what would happen if there was no need for him anymore? He was terrified he might cease to exist. It was a truly existential crisis for him. He and T were able to talk and he got some reassurement. I tried to offer him alternative roles and some of them he point blank rejected. "I don't want to do that." or "I am no good at that." He can be rather pouty. My T also offered the same suggestion to him, and he had an easier time hearing it from T. That's vexing to me, but hey, what's important, I guess, is that he was able to hear it from someone.

I agree. It's fascinating. I know I am not dealing with my ego states the same way as everyone in my T's practice either. I do it my own way. Once T asked me where I was talking to my ego states (when we were having one of those conversations between T and ego state that I was facilitating). Where? I asked, not understanding what he was talking about. Yes, he said, do you meet on a stage and talk to them there? A stage? No, I said. I remember thinking, huh? Why would we meet on a stage? But I wonder if this is something another client told T, that he meets and talks to his ego states on a stage? I told him I just talk to my ego states inside of me. We are just there together. There is no stage or background or environment. It is just in my brain. And I don't always "talk" to them; sometimes I can just "think" to them and they think back at me. Like we share a brain. Not always, but sometimes. Now that I am thinking of this, I am wondering if T talks to his own ego states on a stage, and that is where he got that idea. Fascinating. I wish I had asked him that.

I went to the member photo albums, looked under "C", but did not find your album there, chaotic. Can you give a direct link? Is it in some other area? I would like to see your drawings.

That's really interesting, ECHOES. Why does being submissive make hypnosis a bad approach? Does it mean one might become too suggestible in hypnosis?

searchingmysoul, here is another reference on ego states that I like. It is all about Internal Family Systems Theory. It treats the self and its ego states as an internal family, and applies many of the techniques used in Family Systems therapy to this internal world.
http://www.selfleadership.org/ifsmodel.asp

These are the goals of internal family systems therapy:

A. To achieve balance and harmony within the internal system
B. To differentiate and elevate the Self so it can be an effective leader in the system
C. When the Self is in the lead, the parts will provide input to the Self, but will respect the leadership and ultimate decision making of the Self
D. All parts will exist and lend talents that reflect their non-extreme intention

Here's a brief article which contains an example of a visualization of ego states:
"Internal family systems therapy: a journey to healing & transformation"
http://www.articlearchives.com/crime.../922462-1.html

Lasts session we were talking about something and my T asked if I had ever done hypnosis. I just said no; but was pretty neutral on the subject. I have noticed a few hypnosis books on her bookshelf, but I don't know if she really is trained and uses it in her practice.

I found your submissive comment interesting. My T mentioned that she hadn't attempted the integrated stuff with me before because I tend to be very analytical and she knew it would be difficult to get me to do stuff that seem like nonsense without having to explain the techniques in detail. I don't know if I am really a good candidate for hypnosis. I don't know what the patient is really required to do but I would probably have a hard time chilling out enough to do it.

I figure if my T is trained in it and thinks at some point it would be beneficial, she will suggest it.

I'm curious about hypnosis. I'm guessing I would be very easy to hypnotize, because I am so dissociative (are they related?)

I have had sessions where T sort of rewrote the past for me, and in some ways it felt very much like I imagine hypnosis must feel. Honestly, when I am in a deep meditative state with Teacher T, it feels very dissociative/hypnotic. I wonder where the line is between hypnosis/meditation/dissociation? They all seem really related to me in some way....

Sorry, maybe I haven't figure out how to use the photo album yet. I selected the public option. LOL

Here I think this will work. This one is just a scanned sketch. This is the first ego state whose been blessed from conception with hair. When I first started my little art therapy escapade my figures and the environment around them had a lot of detail but they had no faces, no hair, and were kind of genderless. I have no idea what that was about. But I've since decided that I want to know them better so, I've been working on visualizing more details.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/pictu...pictureid=1050

http://forums.psychcentral.com/pictu...pictureid=1049