[hangingon]

I know this happens, that this is a part of life but it didn't happen at a very good time.
My T called me today to say she had to cancel tonights session because she is getting sick, that her son was sick and she got it from him, I didn't know she had a son, she told me she had a daughter. Well, I learned something new today. She did sound congested on the phone.

Two days ago I started feeling really down, I don't know why, it came out of nowhere, which I hate. I hate not knowing why....
I did everything I could not to cry the other day but last night, I started to cry like a baby while laying in bed alone, I could barely catch my breath.
Today, I had a 5 page paper to work on. I got it just about done, then decided to give it a rest, its due Thursday.
My T called just before that to tell me the news. We originally were scheduled to see each other wed, so she sent and email asking if I could see her Tues or Thurs instead. I agreed on Tuesday. Now today she cancelled because she is sick but said I can come thursday, so I will, in my mind I am already thinking well, she'll probably still be sick then, so don't count on that either. Your left on your own like you've pretty much always been.

I don't know why its such a big deal except that the past two days I have not been doing well emotionally. Something else, I really dislike when I have to change appointments, I never tell her that, she has asked me a few times, and I just do. Then my mind goes to this place of, well does she do that to other people, or is just me because I just go with the flow, I'm not good at speaking up, so Im easy in that sense. Do T think like that? Irrational on my part maybe...I don't do well with it but I just do it because basically I probably have no choice anyways.

Sometimes I think I should share with her how I feel about changing times. But is there really an option?
I started seeing her about 2 months ago, with my last T I saw her every week for a year straight, she only changed my appt time once and never cancelled. Maybe I got to use to that.

I feel disappointed, I know I shouldn't feel that but I really do.
Do you ever feel disappointed when your T cancels. I know I am not a little child but sometimes I feel like that when this happens, a little abandoned.

Hangingon

((((((((((((((((hangingon)))))))))))))))))))))))

I am lucky in that T has never had to cancel an appt. He had something come up once and had to move my appt from noon until 3, but that was it. HE made a big deal of it - wanted to know how I felt, etc. - so I really do think that they understand that it can be quite a big deal to be moved around, cancelled, etc.

I know I would feel like you do if my T had to cancel, hangingon - abandoned and lonely. Even though the grown up, rational parts of us know that people get sick and things happen, I think the parts of us that we bring to therapy need and crave consistency.

I definitely think you should talk about how it feels to have your appointment times changed. It's important. Sometimes things like that are how we begin to learn a lot about ourselves in therapy. I've learned to pretty much tell T EVERYTHING about how I feel about what happens in our relationship. The more honest I am, the more he can understand me, and the more clues we have to what I need to heal.

I hope your T is well and able to see you on Thursday. Many to you!!!

[kittykins9]

OH Hanginon!
That's so tough when that happens, and we have to remember that our T's have lives outside of therapy with us. I know I've been really stumped before when my T has had to cancel, and vacations are even worse. I'm sending you hugs so you can hang in there for a few more days.

Best,
Kkins9

[MissCharlotte]

((Hanginon))

It's still early in the relationship, so naturally you would be upset at a cancellation because all those pesky doubts kick in. I remember early on in therapy T called me and cancelled due to illness. He said he would call the next day to reschedule but he didn't and I panicked. It was an oversight but I was so sensitive at the time because it was all new and I didn't know what to think.

I know you are lonely, but we are here to listen.

Take gentle care. T will be back soon!

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((((((((hangingon))))))))))))))))))))))

I can relate to so much of what you said. I am not one to speak up about stuff like that either.
Don't beat yourself up so much for your feelings though - it is perfectly natural for you to feel disappointed......and anything and everything else you are feeling.
Sending support and hugs.......

[Luce]

Hi. Sorry you're having such a hard time with this. Boy, do I know how hard it can be to be cancelled and changed around like that.

One thing that stuck out for me in your post was that you said this cancellation makes you feel like all the other times you got 'left on your own' to deal with everything. I can understand that. When things happen that remind us of similar abusive or neglectful experiences from our past, it hurts.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but even though those feelings have been triggered I wonder if there is a part of you that can reassure you about this differences this time round? What I mean is... although the result is the same (you are alone right now) there are crucial differences this time than from whatever may have happened in the past. Your T has cancelled not because she doesn't care about you or is neglecting you, but because she is sick. She probably feels quite rotten about cancelling, but needs to do it for the sake of her own health. (I know you know all of this stuff, but your triggered feeling part most likely does not). Your T *will* see you again, as soon as she can, because she cares, because she is committed to you, and because she will not abandon you. She has not left... she is simply asking you to 'hold on'. Hold on just a little while - she will be back.

As I said, I know your thinking self probably knows all this already... but your feeling self may not. Thinking self knows that you 'shouldn't' feel this way. But 'shouldn't' and the reality of emotions are often two different things. Is there a way you could bring that knowledge to your feelings to give the whole of you some comfort?

I know how hard that therapy dance can be. Hope you find some peace soon.

[mlpHolmes]

((((((((((((((((HANGING ON))))))))))))))))))))))

I know it's hard.

You mentioned you don't speak up to your T w/
"I probably have no choice anyways. But you won't know until you ask. Right!

Later you said you would like to share your feelings w/ her "But is there really an option" There may very well be many options!!!

***Speaking up is a big step! Good Luck!!
Hope she gets better by Thurs!
Holmes

[hangingon]

Lucky you earthmama, that is so cool that he has never cancelled on you.
My old T never did either. Of course she didn't have a family so it was easier for her.
If I actually get the nerve up I may talk with her about it but I'm not sure I can. Not good with people knowing the needy side of me.

Yes it is tough kiti, thank you for the hugs. I ended up calling my boyfriend and went out with him, which I usually never do during the week because of all that I need to do for school. Howver, I really needed the distraction, of course he didn't have a clue what was going on, I don't share these things with him....maybe one day.

Wow Miss C, I so would have felt that same way, panic is a good word for it. I would be thinking, did I do something wrong, maybe the T doesn't like me, my T doesn't care about me because she forgot me, and all that nonsense. Thank you for listening.

Thank you Ktgirl, I'll try to not be so rough with myself.

Luce, exactly, I do know alot of this info. I pretty much always know when I am thinking irrationally, I just need to learn what to do with it. It's like I have the key but just don't know how to use it, that can be really frustrating.
I am really, really good at minimizing and intellectualizing, and it often ends with me negative self-talking to get myself out of things..This is something I really need to work on but its something I have done for so long that its hard to pull out of.
I also still have a hard time accepting that I have triggerd parts or "a little me" inside because I am an adult and it doesn't seem logical to me. Thats another thing that I really need to work on.
Thank you for your advise, I really appreciate it.

mLp holmes, thank you as well, I hear what you are saying. I could try and talk with my T about that; However, it means being vulnerable and I am horrible with that.
I'm listening and maybe I will just bite the bullet and bring it up with her, no promises

Hangingon