[mixedup_emotions]

It was hard....and scary....but I did it. The therapist made it clear to me that I am in a controlling, abusive relationship and that he feels that I've hit rock bottom. It is unhealthy for me and for our daughter.

I asked whether or not he thought that marriage counseling would help us. He said no, he didn't think so. My husband has not taken the steps he needed to in order to get better. There's a lot going on there between his OCD and his controlling behavior. I explained to the therapist that I feel like I am abandoning him when he has an illness. He said that only my husband can do something about his illness and he has chosen not to do it.

I now need to focus on ME and our daughter....my growth as a person.

Divorce seems inevitable. I committed to joining one of his groups, and I start a week from today. My next individidual therapy appt is next Thursday.

I talked to my boss about it, and he was very supportive, since it will interefere with my work time. Basically, I will need to skip lunch on Tuesdays to leave an hour early to get to my group appts. And then on Thursdays, I will need to take a late lunch to go.

I cried a lot.

There is so much going through my mind right now. How to handle getting him out of the house. How to manage the situation with our daughter. What the divorce settlement would look like - which is an extremely uncomfortable topic because I could end up losing a LOT.

I am a bit numb at the moment - mostly due to exhaustion....I've cried so much....

[sittingatwatersedge]

you did it!!!!!!! PROUD OF YOU!!!!

Get some good rest. ((((( mie )))))

[mixedup_emotions]

Thanks......so why do I feel so sad?

[darkrunner]

(((((((((((((((((Mixed up emotions)))))))))))))))))))))))

You have so much going on - I think what you're feeling is absolutely normal. It sounds like you took a great first step to be a healthier happy person, and to provide the best for your daughter.

You sound overwhelmed, and I can certainly understand why.

But...if you can.... try not to think of everything at once. Use the supports you have (your T, group and boss, and other family??) and it will eventually all fall into place.
And keep posting here so we can support you too.
With care,
kt

[chaotic13]

Wow... seems like you got right down to business on your first meeting with this T. I hope you get the support you need doing both individual and group therapy.

((((((((((((((((((((mixed )))))))))))))))))))

I was anxious to hear how your appointment went, so I am so glad you posted!

Sounds like a pretty intense first session. Remember, not everything has to happen at once. You are taking some really big first steps, lining up both individual and group therapy appointments, and asking for (and receiving) support from your boss so you can go.

I hope you are able to get some well-deserved rest tonight

[mixedup_emotions]

I've never cried so much in my life.....

As soon as I got home, my husband was there....and I was in tears. I didn't want to blurt everything out right then and there....but I couldn't hold it back.

Long story short.....he suggested a trial separation, getting his own place for 6 months so he can work on seeing a therapist for his OCD issues, etc. He's saying that I'm not even giving him a chance and how could I give up on us just like that. We talked about a LOT of things....

My heart is breaking into a million pieces. I do love him, and I am so confused right now. I know WHO he is and know that once back in his comfort zone, it will be more of the same.

I am so scared and heartbroken. After I put our daughter to bed, I noticed that he was not home. He just up and left. I hope he doesn't do anything crazy. When I had my meltdown last week, he said that when he was at work on Friday, he was thinking suicide. I don't know if that's just another one of his control tactics - trying to scare me....or if he really felt that.

I called his cell, and there was no answer.....I left a message. So far, no call back. I'm so scared right now.

And I'm also puzzled as to why the T would tell me right off the bat that even if my husband went to counseling to work on the issues, he doesn't see him changing.....How do you know that after meeting someone only twice? Then again, he IS the professional.

I don't know what to think anymore....

[madisgram]

(((MUE))) after reading your most recent post re T saying your marriage wouldn't survive(?) i have to put my 2 cents worth in. i was tempted before...but now i believe my thoughts my be worthwhile sharing. i too wondered how the T could make such a statement. it felt odd to me especially on a first/second appt. if anything my experience is t's don't make a judgement call like that. i felt it was too quick for any type of statement about your marriage. he doesn't even know your hubby, has not spolen with your hubby...so wrapping it up in a "tidy bow" re get a divorce really gave me reason to pause when i had first read your initial post about your first meeting with the t.
i'm curious to see if others see it the same way. it really was a red flag to me. are you sure that is what the t said???? i know you were very upset when you saw the t...lots to discuss and painful... anyway sending you some hugs and hope you can get more definition on this from your t. the T may be correct but i just thought it was inappropriate in the timing if nothing else.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by madisgram

wrapping it up in a "tidy bow" re get a divorce really gave me reason to pause when i had first read your initial post about your first meeting with the t.
i'm curious to see if others see it the same way. it really was a red flag to me. are you sure that is what the t said????

my $0.02 are with Madisgram. Marriage is not something to be given up lightly (not that your problems are light, I don't mean that), and most especially when there are children involved; divorce is almost the greatest evil known to man - I should know. There are many paths short of that, any one of them preferable.

the fact that yr H is in therapy is a real plus. I know someone who said "*** no" to that, and everything gets so much harder.

my prayers for you, dear MUE, I know this is bitterly hard. hang in there
you are not alone.

[mixedup_emotions]

This is so hard for me.....

My T has met my husband. He was our couples counselor 6 months ago. He was the one that made the recommendation that my husband seek psychiatric care for proper medication as well as individual counseling. He has only gotten the medication and has not pursued individual counseling.

There's so much to the situation. If I had the time and energy, I would post more to help you understand (not that I am defending the T entirely, just really so you can understand)....but I have to get ready for work. Will post more later.