[googley]

Earlier this week I went I blew up at my therapist during my session. I'm not sure what triggered it. I dissociated briefly and then next thing I knew I was blowing up at her. I did a lot of writing to try and figure out where the anger came from but I was not able to figure it out. I was scared and embarrassed to go back today. There was a distinct distance in the room today. I'm scared about what happened and that it might happen again. I don't ever blow up at people, except maybe my mom. l I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling now. And it just scares me. I'm embarrassed about what happened. I find it hard to face her. I just feel alone now. I guess I don't really have a question. Thanks for listening.

[deliquesce]

poor googley .

i'm proud of you for going again today, that would have been difficult to do. did you and your therapist mention the blow up at all? have a chance to talk it through together?

[Mouse_]

HI Googley, I've done that a couple of times, you say you dont know where it came from, well thats where the work lies, in working out where it came from and what time it comes from. Your therapist will be able to handle your anger, and thats what scares us the most, that someone might not be able too, and that we may destroy something "Good" with it, but you won't it just feels monsterous, but its not.

(((((((((((((((((((googley)))))))))))))))))))

My T has told me from the beginning of therapy that it is okay if I get angry at him...and I have, a couple of times. I've never really yelled, or "blown up", but I've definitely made it clear that I was really, really mad.

It is always okay. T tells me "anger is an emotion, with information". When I feel angry, he wants me to get curious - what is the anger trying to tell me? I don't get angry much, but I did get angry after my last session (not at him), and after 16 months of therapy, I understood for the first time where it was coming from.

Keep working. You did SUCH a great thing by showing up for your next session, even though it might have felt uncomfortable. That was brave, and the right thing to do

[peaches100]

Googly,

I know you feel embarrassed about blowing up at your t. But don't be too hard on yourself. Therapy brings up powerful feelings, and t's are used to that. Hopefully, you and your t can talk openly about what happened and explore where the powerful feelings are coming from. That's the "meat" of therapy work. You showed alot of courage by going back. You'll get through this with your t.

[googley]

Thanks everyone for your support.

We did talk about the blow up when I went back. I was scared to go and she said that she wondered if I was going to show up. We talked a lot about what happened and I showed her what I had written about the event and I think that helped her understand what happened. We are still going to have to talk about it a lot but I feel better after talking to her about it.

Mouse, you are right. I was scared about what her reaction was going to be and that she was going to reject me.

Thanks again everyone. I think I just needed to know I'm not a freak.

[imapatient]

I've blown up. I'm pretty high-strung and intense--and aggressive--so it happens now and then.

I once blew up so horribly, that I took off a shoe and threw it *near* her. I guess I intended to throw it at her, but restrained that and threw it to the side of her. It hit the wall pretty hard. She said that was the end of that session. Had to do a lot of talking about it later.

The trigger thing was extremely fundamental to my picture of my self-worth--worthless--and it related to my mother.

Showing emotions with a T is never bad; it's how it's done. Verbal blowing up isn't bad.

Googley,
I am glad you got to talk it out with your T, that is great that she was understanding. Anger means something to everyone, and this is important to work out in therapy.

impatient, the image of you throwing your shoe at your T cracks me up, I hope you don't get offended, but what an imagine I have in my mind of me doing that to my T. But I double tie my shoes, so I would have to say, "wait" than 45 sec later, BOOM! lol but I guess it would give her time to talk me down. lol

[googley]

My blow up was totally verbal. What was really weird is that the only people I have ever blown up at before were my parents (also verbal). I tend to be a totally calm person (often to the point of being too calm about everything) so that was part of why it was so weird.

Thanks everyone!

[chaotic13]

In response to what mouse said, I think I am more afraid of the fact that T's think they CAN handle it. I told my T last week that I feared that digging around in my past is likely to release a monster that is really dangerous.I suggested that she should fear it also. But she didn't show fear. Do you ever wonder is a T might really can handle you if you loose it. Do they really get what they are dealing with?

[deliquesce]

chaotic - i think they get it. my old T said unless i started ripping bunnies' heads off and feeding them to babies, he would not be scared of me. and even then, he wouldn't be really scared, but he would know it was something he couldn't deal with, and he would refer me off to someone who had better experience with that sort of stuff.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

chaotic - i think they get it. my old T said unless i started ripping bunnies' heads off and feeding them to babies, he would not be scared of me. and even then, he wouldn't be really scared, but he would know it was something he couldn't deal with, and he would refer me off to someone who had better experience with that sort of stuff.

(((((((((((((((DELI)))))))))))))))))

I think I'm going to have to use that line.

I have been angry enough to throw something at T - I wanted to throw a Yalom book at him once, actually! - and he offered to move so I could throw it at his chair instead. I didn't throw it.

My six-year old wants to throw things A LOT. I hope she never actually does it. It's such a strong feeling!

[genn]

Hun been DID or not that had hapeend to many of us. I am glad you will return to your T.

Keep working hard hun

genn

Originally Posted by googley

Earlier this week I went I blew up at my therapist during my session. I'm not sure what triggered it. I dissociated briefly and then next thing I knew I was blowing up at her. I did a lot of writing to try and figure out where the anger came from but I was not able to figure it out. I was scared and embarrassed to go back today. There was a distinct distance in the room today. I'm scared about what happened and that it might happen again. I don't ever blow up at people, except maybe my mom. l I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling now. And it just scares me. I'm embarrassed about what happened. I find it hard to face her. I just feel alone now. I guess I don't really have a question. Thanks for listening.