[Xtree]

My T always says that, "the most important thing is that the past doesn't steal another moment of today". How, how in the world do you walk out of therapy and leave it all behind you? I have only scratched the surface and certainly I cannot let go of it when I leave my session and then it intrudes in my life in an awful way.

Xtree

[Yoda]

It helps me to journal when I can't get something out of my head. It helps also to reread my entries and see the roller coaster ride in black and white.

I also make a list of things I want to talk about to my therapist.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Xtree

How, how in the world do you walk out of therapy and leave it all behind you?

I don't really leave it all behind. Therapy does affect me in my life outside of T's office. I think we want it to so that we can practice changed ways of being in all environments. When doing really intense work (e.g. trauma), you do need to be able to be at least somewhat functional after the session. T can help you get ready to face the real world at the end of your session, and you can use your own coping skills too. Let your T know if you need extra help to get ready to leave the session. But it usually is that you are not 100% after such a session, and sometimes just allowing yourself some slack can be helpful. Like if you have to go immediately to work, to try to do tasks that are manageable rather than stressful. Or to schedule your session at the end of the day if you think it will be really intense. Or to just allow yourself to be jittery or unfocused or tearful (or whatever) without beating yourself up about it. You usually have a full week to come to terms with and process the session, then you are ready to do more at your next session. (If you're not ready, one week later, then you can request more of a supportive session with T.) Journaling between the sessions can help get the feelings and thoughts out instead of bottling them up again. I have definitely had sessions that affected me outside of therapy, and it can be hard, but it may be part of healing too, as the really deep and intense stuff can't be felt and confined to just one hour a week inside T's office. Recently, my H and I had a couples session with T, and there were parts that were upsetting and intense, and afterwards I felt so vulnerable that I didn't want to see my H even several days later at our legal meeting. I emailed T about that and he said he would watch out for me at the meeting. (Interestingly, my H had told T he was having the same problem,which made T consider a possible postponement.) So sometimes, communicating with T outside session can be helpful if it all gets to be too much.

If your T has recommended a model where you don't do much processing outside of session, then can you ask him/her how he envisions that you would do this?

[hangingon]

X tree,
My T says something similiar. To leave it all there at her office when I leave.
I was thinking, if only it where that easy. I mean don't we all go home and have all of what took place in session running through our minds as we try to process it?

Then of course the next week I will hear, the crazy dreams you are having may have to do with the fact that you keep yourself so busy during the day that you can't process this stuff and it comes out by way of dreams.
Emmm

It would be nice if it were easier thats for sure.
I haven't found anything to help with it a ton yet, sometimes I just busy myself.....that seems to help, good ole coping mechanism.

[chaotic13]

Great question...obviously I haven't figured it out yet. Sometimes I feel like I've just gotten to the point where I have settled back down and then...back to therapy to work some more. I have this fear that I will at some point be unable to contain it...but for me realistically..its been a year and a half and that hasn't happened so this fear is unfounded.

[Xtree]

I agree ... I think we should take what we have learned in therapy and apply it to our every day lives. Doing this will help us be healthy, happy and make our lives much more fulfilling. I question the hard work, the painful memories, the hurt that we experience all over again in therapy. It makes me feel sad and hurts all over again and I do not know how to contain it. I do not know to leave it behind and move on to today.

I want to learn and grow from it, I do not want to suffer all over again and when there are times I have to where and how is the containment, the letting go, the leaving it in therapy.

Xtree

[del12]

Originally Posted by Xtree

My T always says that, "the most important thing is that the past doesn't steal another moment of today". How, how in the world do you walk out of therapy and leave it all behind you? I have only scratched the surface and certainly I cannot let go of it when I leave my session and then it intrudes in my life in an awful way.

Xtree

I am with you XTree I have a difficult time letting go of what happens in therapy. The first couple days are the worst and then it seems to fade a bit. Journaling does relieve some of the anxiety and stress, but silly me as my next session nears I get all nervous about what I want to share and the fact that I don't. I just don't get how one can totally let go of what is done in therapy and sometimes it scares me. My T has never talked to me about how to handle my emotions after an intense session. My T does start each session asking how I handled the week. We too are just beginning to scratch the surface of my problems. SOmetimes I feel as though we just get started with the deep stuff and it is time to go. Then I have to start all over again. I think that I need to talk with my T about how to handle the emotional roller coaster I go through each week. Thanks for bringing this up it brought to the forefront my own need to deal with this.

[Luce]

My best work happens in between sessions. When I reflect on what happened, how it happened, and look at the deeper reasons for why it happened, I am able to gain much needed insight into what is going on for me.
For me, it feels the only way to reclaim my life - past, present or future - is to spend that time looking inward in order to come to a better understanding of myself.
If I only looked at my stuff IN the therapy room, the huge transformations in my understanding that occur weekly would take years and years and years.

[chaotic13]

This thread has reminded me of how incredibly difficult my sessions were last year. They are still difficult, but things have gotten a lot better. The flashbacks and general upheavel...either gets better or you learn how to cope with things a little better... not sure which. Although I want and do communicate with my T when needed... it is getting easier. Hopefully things will get easier or at least more tolerable as things surface and get dealt with.

[mixedup_emotions]

Wow, it's like you read my mind. I came here tonight to post about my therapy session today...and how I am still quite distraught about what was discussed and can't seem to let it go.

So as not to sabotage your post, I will post more about it separately....but I just want to say that you are absolutely not alone....

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Luce

If I only looked at my stuff IN the therapy room, the huge transformations in my understanding that occur weekly would take years and years and years.

----------

[Brightheart]

Hmm...this one kind of baffles me. My therapist always kind of structured sessions the opposite way. Therapy for me was about being able to reflect on the past, to understand it better in order to be better able to make positive changes in the future. The "work" in therapy was deep thinking and bringing to light all that had been buried and not dealt with properly in the past. Make peace with your past so you can better face your future. The sessions themselves were only a starting point to me, something to stir my brain and get it working...T had a very different way of seeing things and I had to let go of my style of thinking in order to let something more positive in. A lot of thinking and straining the brain...so I definitely spent a lot of my time devoted to my therapy between sessions. I suppose eventually you would want to move forward from the past, but I would think first you'd have to face that past in order to get to the other side. I'm guessing your T has a different way of doing things. That would have to be very difficult. Have you discussed it with your T?

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Originally Posted by Luce
If I only looked at my stuff IN the therapy room, the huge transformations in my understanding that occur weekly would take years and years and years.

I agree too. I want to look, learn and apply what I learn from therapy outside the room as well. I guess the big question really is how do you do this with your logically senses and leave the pain, emotions and the suffering behind? I think your mind can be clouded with that kind of bad emotion. It certainly doesn't feel good to feel like this all week.

Xtree

[Brightheart]

Originally Posted by Xtree

I agree too. I want to look, learn and apply what I learn from therapy outside the room as well. I guess the big question really is how do you do this with your logically senses and leave the pain, emotions and the suffering behind? I think your mind can be clouded with that kind of bad emotion. It certainly doesn't feel good to feel like this all week.

Xtree

I think the trick is letting yourself feel it without letting it become all-consuming. Move through it, experience it, but don't get stuck in it... walk forward...

All easier said then done, of course. Good luck.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Bether91068

I think the trick is letting yourself feel it without letting it become all-consuming. Move through it, experience it, but don't get stuck in it... walk forward...

All easier said then done, of course. Good luck.

You are right...on both counts....I am still stuck in a bad place since my T appt yesterday....I can't get past it....

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Xtree

the big question really is how do you do this with your logically senses and leave the pain, emotions and the suffering behind?

The plain hard fact is that it hurts! So I don't expect the pain to not be there between sessions. I just try to cope, write in my journal to process, make progress in any way I can. Sometimes you just got to feel all this bad stuff until it wears itself out and you are "through" it. Another possibility is that you are going too fast in therapy, past the point of your being able to handle things adequately betweeen sessions. If this is the case, can you talk to your T about it, and perhaps slow the pace right now, and give yourself a chance to recoup? Do some supportive work or work on a less difficult issue. It's OK to change direction for a bit and gather strength and then come back later when you're rested and stronger.