I am not a happy camper right now....

I had my T session yesterday, and it did not go as I had expected to. It was light and easy...and I did not delve into ANY of the issues that I had such anxiety about after my last session.

I walked out there relieved that I didn't have to talk about what I thought we were going to talk about....and then upset that I chickened out....

Later, I forwarded T my e-mail from the week before, about my reaction from last week's session....and I stated, "My question of the day: Why did I have such anxiety about this...but did not bring it up in my session today....avoiding it like the swine flu...and then felt disappointed that I didn't address it?"

His response? "My suggestion is to save these emails and bring them with you so that you hold yourself accountable to discuss."

YIKES. The PRESSURE!!!

And today, I have been in one of those moods where I am easily triggered into anger. My husband called me and I practically bit his head off. Two of my neighbors came to my house to talk to me about something...I was civil...and then the one started being argumentative...and I flipped a lid. I told them to GET OUT OF MY HOUSE....and that when they learn to talk to me in a civil tone instead of being confrontational and disrespectful, let me know.

I am tired of people trying to walk all over me and treat me however they want to treat me. I've had it UP TO MY EYEBALLS with it, and am DONE.

WTF is going on with me??????

((((((((((((mixed)))))))))))))

i think sessions tend to vary in their intensity. sometimes we do deep work and other times we need to step back a bit and regain our sense of serenity. i think we all have our own sense of rhythm that works for us and it doesn't have to look like anyone else's. some are tortoises and some hares. i'm a hare.


you're fed up but it's okay. you've probably taken a whole lot of crap from people for a very long time and your lid has finally blown itself off. trust me i hear ya as i've done the same thing. learning to stand up for myself has been a very uneven and difficult process which i wonder if i'll ever master. i hate getting mad but i'm finally realizing i can't hold everything inside and just accommodate others. i think it takes time to learn how to communicate effectively without squashing our own needs or blowing our lids or just avoiding people (i've perfected that last one). it's even harder when you haven't had healthy communication skills role modeled before. be patient with yourself okay. you can apologize for your recent outbursts and tell them you didn't mean to get so angry at them.

Thank you.....I think that my mind wants me to be a hare, but my body is telling me to be a tortoise....

As far as the outburt is concerned, the thing is, I'm not sorry for it. Sure, I could have handled it differently - and perhaps more calmly. So maybe there's some regret there...But, I made it clear that I was not going to accept that kind of behavior and set my limit. I should be proud of that.

Unfortunately, the repercussions are not so nice. Two neighbors talking about me behind my back....them not letting their kids play with my daughter....etc. etc. etc....Whatever. Perhaps someday they will act like grown-ups who don't thrive on drama. Perhaps not.

Wow - sounds like you are being triggered - I think the email for T triggered you and then your neighbours tested you and you didnt stand for it - thats ok - you shouldnt have to stand it maybe like you said you could have handled it better - hindsight is a wonderful thing Im sorry they are not acting like grown ups

Taking your emials is scary - i did that with things I had written - it helped me though - otherwise I would never have brought them up

sorry i wasn't more clear, mixed. what you've written here is what i meant. you don't need to apologize for what you said just maybe how you said it if you feel you need to.

Thanks....the more I am reflecting on the exchange, the more I don't feel I need to apologize. When I felt as though I was getting accused, attacked, yelled at and mistreated, I told them nicely, "I think it's time for you to go"....They just sat there, stunned....I stood and showed them the door. They didn't move, and that's when my one neighbor started getting loud and obnoxious. I then - a little more sternly said - I said you can go now.....Finally, when they were not listening or respecting that, I said more loudly, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE".....and then added that when they can talk to me in a civil manner, let me know.

I guess at this point I just don't know what else I could have done to get them to leave my house.....

Sounds like you did EXACTLY thright thing! - you were firm that didnt work - they sound rude and they needed more than a gentle shove - your house is your house and they need to respect that and you ! grrr for your neighbours! and for you

I do feel bad though because it's causing such tenseness in the neighborhood. The thing that really gets me is that I am not the one that did something wrong, and yet I am the one they are bickering about behind my back and making a big stink about. Why? Because I was assertive enough and cared enough about myself not to be mistreated in my own home. WHATEVER.

you took care of yourself - you id the right thing - maybe thing will calm down in a few days - I hope so

Thanks. I hope so too....but I need to figure out what direction I want it to go in...so I know how to react. I am struggling with trying to figure out whether or not I want to be super assertive....or just let certain things go....I don't know. I am just tired of the drama.

I have such a migraine right now, and my house looks like a tornado ripped through it. I have been cleaning and tidying up ALL DAY LONG....with 3 kids running in and out of the house (only 1 is mine)....and I am exhausted. The house is trashed and I am overwhelmed by what's in store for me cleaning-wise.

Of course, my husband then picks NOW to call me....and tell me how mean I am being to him, and how can I do this to him....

I just can't handle it all right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As my T said on Thursday, I am SATURATED.....

Im sorry you are having so much stress no wonder you are feelin overwhelmed and Im sorry H chose that moment to ring you grrr

I hope sometime today you can get 5 mins to yourself to relax and do something nice to take your mind off of this - just for 5 mins - even if its a long shower - take care

A long shower would be soooooo nice. I shower every single morning....and yet at the moment, I'm still wearing the shirt that I wore last night and have not yet had the chance to get a shower. I'm going to make it a point tonight to get a nice, long, hot shower....if I don't pass out from exhaustion first!

Hope you managed to get some time to yourself and that long hot shower

Aww, thanks for following up!

Unfortunately, I did not get that long hot shower last night. My daughter had another sleepover and I just didn't get around to it. BUT, I did end up satisfied with the cleaning that I did in the house....I vacuumed the entire house and did a couple more loads of laundry. So, I felt comfortable enough to realize my exhaustion.....

So far today, I am less overwhelmed. My daughter is not allowed to play until her room is clean. I do have to tackle a few areas, get one more load of laundry done and finish up the taxes. But, I am pacing myself more today.....

I think I am also trying to suppress my anxiety related to everything that is going on in my life, so I am making the household chores more of an issue than perhaps they really are.....as a way to avoid dealing with the feelings that I'm having about other areas of my life. Ugh.

I had a very rough night's sleep....waking up every hour or so....But on a good note, I got out of bed and had a couple hours to myself to drink my coffee, relax and then finally got that nice hot shower.

Thanks so much for asking!!!

Mixedup,

I think it's good, not only that you set and enforced a necessarily limit with your neighbors, but that you aren't beating yourself up for it. You asked them to leave nicely at first, and then when they failed to respond, you asserted yourself more. It sounds like it has stirred things up in the neighborhood. That's understandable if your assertiveness is new for them. It will cause the dynamics of your relationship to change somewhat. Hopefully, they will adjust to your new assertiveness and respect your limits better. But at first, it may ruffle things up. It sounds like you are coping well. Housework can be a good way to keep your mind on other things. But it sounds like the anxiety is still present subconsciously and affecting your sleep. Give yourself a pat on the back for setting a needed limit and try not to worry about how the neighborhood situation will play out. Take it a step at a time.

Thanks, Peaches.....I was warned by my T that I would get resistance from being more assertive with people. I guess emotionally I'm not yet prepared for it, but I'm forcing myself to be more assertive and hoping my emotions will catch up.

I am trying to suppress the anxiety which, from what my T says, is not the best way to handle it. Bringing it to the surface and working through it is the course of action I should take. I just can't bring myself to do that right now because I'm already overwhelmed as it is with daily life and simply cannot handle a thing more. Just like my T said, I'm saturated.

I try to put it out of my mind....but the anxious feeling still remains in the pit of my stomach. It's amazing how your body does whatever the heck it wants to, even if your mind is working so hard to do something else. *sigh*

I am hoping that I will get the courage to step up my game a bit in group therapy on Tuesday....and then face some real issues at my individual T appt on Thursday. But I'm afraid. Just disclosing some things in my past to T a couple weeks ago left me sooooo anxiety ridden for DAYS. I couldn't handle it. I don't want to face that again.

One day at a time.....one day at a time....

ask T if you can do somthing to relax you before you leave - like a relaxation visualisation - that worked for me recently - hope all goes well for you - let us know how you go

I haven't done my taxes either! I need to do laundry too, and in general I'm a perfect disaster. It's been a few days since I showered, and I'm not planning on it tonight either.

I don't have kids though... hmm, do cats count?

yes Simcha Cats DO count

I plan on sending out a search party for mine in my flat amoungst all the stuff I should have put away when I can make a path inside!!!! (hmmm methinks they think Im joking!!!! - lets just let themthink that - now climb over the clean washing - the pile of books - the mail I havnt opened in a few weeks - ooh look pretty red ones! and press sends on my computer whilst balancing on the edge of the chair!)

Simcha & P7....You are funny....I guess I need to lighten up a little with the condition of my house. LOL....