I hate my son.

Hows it going I see you havent posted for a bit I hope all is ok ?

I have a son aged nineteen who is currently in prison, he has given all of us as a family heartache since the day he was born.

He has done things I am ashamed to say on here thats how bad they are.

Do we or I hate him ? No, I helped create him. I am in no way having a go at you as I wont judge I have been judged myself over the years and wrongly.

While living with him you cant have the type of relationship you should be having you will just have one of 'hatred' as he is affecting the whole house and resentment will be caused.

He needs to move out and you as a family need to draw in some strength from somewhere and help him. He is not in his right senses to be talking of killing himself.

Its a sad catch 22 you have gotten into and moving him out will be the first step to helping him.

I really feel this needs to be expressed to him that you are doing it because the way it is working now you are all bringing yourself down as a unit, when you should be pulling together.

Explain how you ALL love him and the aim in life now is to make him a priority within the family.

There is somthing very very wrong with him at the moment and he needs the attention or you just may lose him.

I can identify with you! I have a 42 year old daughter who has not spoken to me for over 1 year because I decided to quit letting her abuse our relationship, and am not letting her take advantage of me any more. She has taken advantage of everyone in her life so that she has not had to work. I practically raised her oldest child because she was first divorced, then too busy to do things for him, and never had money to buy him clothes, school pictures, etc. because she would rather have her naptime and be in everyone else's business. We bought her furniture, clothes, took her in, fed her, and when my husband decided he liked a younger woman at his work place, she turned on me and told him to leave me, thinking she could get him and his paycheck to move in with her and her husband. Now, she won't have anything to do with me because I stood up to her for the first time in my life. You may have a hard way to go also, but I think you need time for yourself. This young man of yours would benefit greatly from the Army, etc. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I hope someone very strong gets ahold of him to straighten him out. I think just about everyone I know is having some sort of problems and struggles. I will say a prayer for you and hope for the best!!

anxietygirl: I feel so bad as I writing this, but I truly hate my 18 yr old son.

We recently went through a difficult phase with one of our children who was smoking a lot of pot. Whenever they did, they'd become manic and then they'd exhibit the kind of behaviors people do when they're in manic states: self-absorbed, grandiosity, foolish and risky decisions, stealing, no regard for consequences. There were times I found myself wondering -- who was this person? Whoever they were, I didn't like them very much. At the same time, I could acknowledge that they were struggling with their own life and trying to find a means out of their own pain using the limited life skills they had acquired. It's also possible that their problems are related to something more, possibly bipolar disorder.

In our case, our child crashed and we were able to be there to help them pick up their pieces. They're off drugs now and in therapy. They still have a long process ahead of them and its still possible that they may actually have bipolar disorder. Regardless, life is a lot less stressful, less painful, and less heartbreaking than it was while they were in a manic state.

I can only hope that something similar happens for your son but I can also recognize that you're at the end of your rope. It seems to me that you love your son although you don't like the person he is right now. You're afraid he's going to become like his father and you're out of hope and resources. This is a good time to find sources that can reinforce your strength so you can do your best to be strong for him. People do go through difficult times in life and regardless of how old we might be at that time, we all benefit from love, understanding and support. I sincerely hope you and your son are able to find that in others and in each other.

~ Namaste

I think what happens is that we love the little child we gave birth to and raised, but we do not like the person they have become through their own adult choices. That is how I feel. Maybe this makes some sense to you. In my case, my daughter started making choices that I had no control over. This happens to everyone, but some just make bad choices, get away with it, and make more bad choices. That doesn't mean that we have to agree with their choices, or even be around them at all. A child who is truly loved by the parents knows this. They just need time to decide . I am just letting the waves roll!!

(((hugs))) I think there is always that bond between mother and son, and that denotes a "love" eternally.

I would suggest that you think about it this way: you don't hate your son, you hate his actions or his life or his behavior etc. Dividing the two will solve some of the conflict you are having, as any mother has in a situation like this.

I hope you will consult with someone IRL to help you stay strong with your new rules (i.e. he's living somewhere else.) I think it's important that you write down the things that are or have changed for you, for the better, now. Post them or keep them handy to remind you of what is in your own best interest at this time. Then it isn't you relying upon your emotions and memory, but you relying upon your own plan for good health--- your own!

Good wishes. Tough love often does bring them around eventually.