Are we dating or just FWB?

I was recently (within the last several weeks) broken up with. Two days after the breakup I lost my virginity to the same boy... it was a conscious decision on my part, for a lot of reasons I won't get into unless someone really wants to know. After we weren't "together" anymore I felt free and good. I came to the conclusion that I love him, and it felt good to know that it wasn't just because I was dating him and more or less had to. After we had "slept together" twice I called him late at night and talked to him about things. I wanted to know what he thought about me, because he never really told me. He said that he really only sees me as a friend. We went for several days without any more than friends situations. Then, at a party, I spend most of my time with other male friends instead of showering him with attention like I normally do. When we inevitably ended up in my room together to go to sleep he admitted to me that he was jealous. Which seems like more than friendship feelings to me. He spends the night at my house for the first time with me. He had never wanted to before when we were dating. Then last night was the major turning point (in my mind). Up until last night I had felt like we were still just friends. He came over to my house to watch movies with me and my brothers. Normally he wasn't a "public displays of affection" kind of guy. He even sometimes flinched away from me when I went to ruffle his hair (even though I do that to everyone). But last night he had his arm around me in front of my brothers I just snuggled into his chest. He didn't seem hesitant at all about showing me affection. He stayed the night for the second time, and didn't leave early or seem embarrassed when my family made a point to invite the both of us to breakfast while we were still in bed. I don't know what to think about this sudden turn of events, but I also don't know if he'll be the same next time we're together. Does this seem like we're dating? Or am I just taking things the wrong way?

Hey There, I kinda feel like I may have been in somewhat similar situations in the past and for me it didn't turn out to well... But mine was with a guy that would be there for me emotionally and talk to me, then he moved and would talk to me once in a while.... And when he came home he would call me for other things, even kinda talked like we had a future but it never panned out....
If I were you I would just see how the next couple of days go and if he's calling you to make plans... And not just late at night booty... See what it feels like sometimes it doesn't last; the way he's acting one night might be completely different the next... I would kinda take it as it comes for a at least a few days before you broach the are we just friends or what subject again.... Just because maybe he's not even sure what he wants and if you ask so soon he might just get scared away... Anyway good luck to you and I really hope you don't get hurt.... Keep me posted

Hey Kelly.
From my interpretation

Hey Kelly, from my interpretation of the story, I feel like "the boy" suddenly changed his feelings once he saw you flirt with other boys around him. Although, you guys werent together at the time, he probably felt jealous because even though you guys arent together, he still feels like your still his. "The boy" seems kind of mood-controlling and mind-controlling towards you because it seems as if whatever he decides to do with your relationship, you go along with it..from breaking up to getting back 2gether, 2 sleeping together, and becoming "friends" again. I think you should step up for yourself and decide what you want, because obviously this boy doesnt have a clue what he wants with you and he is only making things more confusing for the both of you guys by jumping in and out of your life over and over again. I wish you the best of luck!

Well, my phone was dead all of yesterday and when I finally charged it again he had texted me twice.Once "I'm bored." and another that said "Would you like to do anything?" So I called him and told him what happened and said I'd like to hang out if he still wanted to. I invited him to my house to hang out with me and my family, but he wanted me to come over to his house because his mom wasn't home (I know, I know). I went over to his house and we napped on his bed while some computer game he just bought installed. While we were just laying there his mom showed back up. After a little while he asked if when the game was done installing if I'd like for us to go back to my house. I said sure and we went to watch movies with my family. Eventually some other friends of mine showed up and were talking and drinking outside. I wasn't up for it, but I hung around for a couple of minutes. After that I just went back inside alone to watch Scrubs. After a couple of minutes he came inside too and jumped on the couch with me. Eventually he scooted close to me and put his head on my should and fell asleep... I don't exactly think that's a friend thing to do.

Whats FWB ?

Just been told in chat what it means lol..... friends with benefits (thanks blue)

Kelly can I ask how old you are ?

rofl np tish

Kelly I think that maybe he feels something for you. The problem that I see, ( and I'm not trying to hurt Your feelings) is that every time you two are together you two end up in the bedroom. A relationship is doing a lot of things together. I also think that if your not sure you should just come right out and ask him. If he does tell you that it's friends with benefits, than I would say that you need to set up some boundaries with him.

Haha Sorry for using the abbreviation, I was low on space. I'm 19 years old.

I would recommend that you have a serious conversation with this guy and make clear what you are wanting from him and visa versa. Do you want to be friends? dating? relationship? or FWB? Correct me if I am wrong but you mentioned that he wasn't openly affectionate with you before you both had sex together? Then afterwards he was more affectionate and didn't pull away from you when you touched him?

Could he be just warming you up for another sexual encounter (FWB)? I would make your boundaries known to him so that he doesn't make a fool out of you or hurt your feelings if you are wanting to be more than just FWB.

I'm sorry, I don't think I explained the situation very well. We only end up sleeping together occasionally. We're really good friends and spend most of our time hanging out together and hanging out with mutual friends, including my family. The sexual stuff is really just something that happens, and isn't why we hang out. I don't want to ask him yet for a couple of reasons. One is that I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship with him based on how controlling he can be, and how he completely changes his personality. And another reason is that college is a couple of months away, or less, and I don't know if it would be a good idea to start something with somebody who's going to be 5 hours away from me...

Honestly, I don't really think I want to be more than FWB right now. It just won't work out for the situation I have with him. The reason that I had sex with him, and continue to do things like that with him is because I see him as someone I could be with in the future, after college. I wanted to establish my relationship with him as something more than friends, but not a relationship. I am not mature enough, nor do I know myself well enough to be in a relationship for a while. But he's been doing things like wanting to take a nap with me, and falling asleep on my shoulder, and wanted me to scratch his back and whatnot that have nothing to do with sex and make me think that he sees me as more than just a friend with benifits. Which is, I guess, what I wanted. But I'm a little bit afriad now that he wants to be close to me. I'm begining to think that the reason I liked him was because of how closed off he was at first, and how difficult he made things. Now that he's giving in, and he seems to want to be with me and actually be atracted to me for the first time in the five years that I've known him I really don't know what to do.

kelly, here is my opinion, please take what you'd like and leave the rest.

i went through something similar as you right now so i know the confusion you feel. point is, you and he both need to know what you want in the relationship or lack thereof in order to feel comfortable and confident in what you are doing. I went through a long distance relationship my last 2 years of college....bad idea. I love him dearly, he was my first boyfriend, friend for about 3 years before that and we both got tired of seeing each other only once a month and talking on the phone a few times a week. College you will see quickly, is meant to be a time to explore everything about yourself and what you want, can do, what is out there in the world! Being tied down to a relationship that doesn't even seem real because the other person is hardly there is a way to inhibit that experience, and again as much as I love the man I was with, I will never do long distance again because of how painful it can be to long for someone more often than enjoying their presence.

That being said, it is really difficult to decifer between love and attachment. I know that I became attached to my ex after we broke up and lived across the street from each other. we hung out all the time just to watch movies, go to the beach, we'd fall asleep with each other nothing having to do with sex. We got back together because eventhough we were "not together" we never really let go of the relationship. However, we are now apart again because the same issues we fought about before(this time living so close) were surfacing and the time we had apart was not at all spent on self-improvement. Time to reevaluate is cruicial after a break up or any life change for that matter. The point is it's great to have someone to hold and to lavish with your love and affection, but if it is not serving you in a positive way, is it really love or happiness or is it being stuck in a routine? I had the same problem when I broke up with the same guy a couple months ago. I can still see a future between us...later on...I can see things being great and working out....in the future. The future is not something we can control at this exact moment and we spend so much time wishing and hoping to shape the future that sometimes we forget to think about, what is good for ME, RIGHT NOW? What do I need in my life right now? If what you need now is time away from him, go for it. If things are meant to work out in the future, they will. they always do. but you will be worse off if you don't take care of yourself right now because then the present you might diminish all feelings for the future him. Just like the flight attendents say "if you are traveling with a child or someone who acts like one, make sure to apply your oxygen mask before helping them". give yourself some time to enjoy yourself and most of all enjoy college with the freedom that college is there to provide!! sorry if this sounds at all extreme, i just hope there is some bit of info that might help you along in your journey. good luck!!!

If he is very controlling and flips out, then I would say leave him alone.