Am I not fine the way I am?

I can get so frustrated and angry trying to deal with my mom. I know I'm not living up to her desires (those she claims aren't expectations.) I can deal (even happily) with her when I am in a good mood, but if get in a bad mood, that seems to be unacceptable. She says she loves me regardless, and maybe that's even true, but she is not accepting of me if i'm not acting in a way she considers reasonable. I hate my mother's constant disapproval of me. If you don't like what I'm doing say it. Fine! But quit pushing the same damn point over and over again if I reject your advice. I'm an adult, not a child anymore, and it my right to ignore or take any advice I want to. I'll stop ranting now. Sorry to bother you.

Laura

((((((((((((((((((Merlin)))))))))))))))))))

i'm very sorry that your mother acts just like mine did........it's awful and i have no advice.....pat

Merlin, I'm sorry you're going through this. Parent's expectations can be tough to deal with. But it's her issue to deal with, not yours.

I see it with my ex and my daughter. He thinks she should struggle to pursue a career he sees fit (law, politics, math), not use her natural talents to pursue something she enjoys (art, animals, healing).

I don't have any answers on how to get your mother to see that your personal desires are as or more valid as any of hers, but if I think of any suggestions, I'll let you know.

Hugs in the meantime. ((((((((((Merlin)))))))))

(((((((((merlin)))))))))))))))

Thanks for all the hugs guys. It's annoying, but we're trying to work out our relationship. I know she doesn't do it to be mean, and really intends to be helpful. I'm going to tell her when her advice is unwelcome or just repeated to often that it goes stale. I tend not to react well either and get angry. Maybe it's just part of a mother/daughter relationship. Who knows? It was great to have all this support.

Laura

Your really not alone! So many people have the same issue's with their parents. I too am one. Nothing I do is good enough, no matter how big or small. I'm always in the wrong. I have no advice. I'm grown and moved in with my mother to help her with her bills. She speaks about as if I'm the biggest piece of trash out there. Even though I was the only one who bent over back wards to help her. Just letting you know your not alone. Be safe and don't brake yourself trying to meet your mothers unrealistic expectations.

Merlin, I have an issue with my dad that's only related to yours in the sense of it's a blow to the relationship. I have found that if I can express my thoughts to my dad in a rational manner when I'm in a good mood, it's very helpful. Bad moods are no good for this cause the conversation can lead to a fight and things could be said that aren't meant. Just my opinion. Hope it helps. Take care friend.

Ry

Hi Laura,
I don't know the entire history, but from what you wrote, it sounds as if your Mom really does try to accept you as you are, to the very best of her ability. I'll let you in on a little secret . . . my daughter, also an adult, has her own struggles in life and I try the very best to support her choices, etc. I want so badly for my daughter to be happy, to get the things in life that she wants and generally still feel responsible for her wellbeing. I need to learn how to shut-up and just listen without trying to give advice. I can tell you from my own relationship with my daughter, that my feelings are not borne out of "non-acceptance" of my daughter, but just wanting her to be safe, and pleased with her life. It's the self-sacrificial part of mothering that really means, "I wish I could take all the bad things away and make them OK for you". But, instead of saying this, I give advice. I would give anything for my daughter to be happy. I would give up my own life for her. She knows this and knows she is completely loved, but the advice giving part of me has got to go! It gets in the way of my daughter wanting to tell me things. Thanks for bringing this up and reminding me as a mom that I need to step back and live and let live!