Im fine, I am perfectly fine

Im done, completely done fighting. Who cares anymore. No one. This will go on and on and on. And people will read my life and my posts, they will relate and put their sense in if they feel its not a waste of their time, mostly it is, i assure you. You will go on with your lives and settle into treatments and settle into meds. You will go to therapists offices and go to hospitals. Your lives, however, will go on, this is the main point. My parents lives went on, did you guys know that? possibly not. So did my father. Thats ok. I dont blame anyone. No i am fine, i am perfectly fine. You will see me smile. But dont forget it is your mirage. A mirage for the thirsty soul. Its all right, Im perfectly fine. I wont stop bleeding. Thats ok, im ok, im perfectly fine. How are you? Are you ok? Thats ok, im ok. I am perfectly fine. Dont worry about me. Were you to begin with? No i didnt think so. Thats ok. I believe you cared for this stranger. This stranger in a corner. Hidden by pride and fear, fighting for my life, fighting to be happy. Ive stopped. Dont worry, im ok, Im perfectly fine.

Im ok...really dont be worried.im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok
I am perfectly fine im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok its ok im ok im ok I told everyone im ok...i am no worries im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok i am as happy as i can be im ok im ok im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok in fact, im so happy im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok im just gonna sit here and say you should see
its ok im ok im ok my face, my smile im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok
its ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok im ok

You know .... its okay not to be okay or fine all of the time. And I'm sorry that somewhere along the way you felt like there isn't much point in what you do or say ... but there really is. there really honestly is. There are people out there who care about you, and people that know that things aren't "okay".
I know what its like to pretend things are alright, to just nod your head when someone asks if you're okay because its the "easier" thing to do. But as i'm sure you're noticing you can't do it forever, you can't keep living your life in this world where you can't be yourself, where you can't express how your feeling. So you hurt yourself, it "feels" more real and its easier to deal with. But if you can believe anything, anything at all, just trust me when i say that if you can allow yourself to open up to someone you trust (whether it be a family member, a friend, a counsellor, or just someone you feel comfortable with) it really makes all the difference in the world.
Some people really aren't all that perceptive so they won't necessarily notice when things aren't okay ... but thats not all completely their fault.
Is there anyone in real life you can talk to? You CAN work on this, and you will get through this ... you just have to be willing to give a little, and what you will get in return will be well worth it.
Take good care of yourself, and know that you deserve better. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Jacq

Hello I am sorry that you are having a hard time in your life at this time. I may be out of line in saying this but things can change if you want them to change and get the right professional treatment from the therapist and Drs that can make a difference in your life. You make a difference by just being the person that you are to someone else in need, or just your friends, and loved ones. You just need to believe and get the support you need to help you make the first step in feeling and getting better which is getting professional help. Getting help is not failure it is a very mature and responsible thing to do for yourself, and very courageous to want to have a different or better life. I hope the best for you in the future, and you do not have to suffer to this degree with the right help, which I hope you will think about getting soon so you can feel better. Take care Soidhonia

People can tell when you are not ok, but if you are putting so much effort into appearing to be ok, most people will be polite and go along with the image that you choose to try to project. There are some who don't want you to not be ok, so it is just that much easier for them to take your word for it that you are fine. But there are those who care about you and can tell and are worried sick about you.

I enjoy chatting and writing to you, and I think that you have a lot to offer the world, and life has a lot to offer you still too if you will accept it. You can't do it alone though. You didn't make yourself like this, and it is going to take some help to get better. We have talked about resources before. Have you looked into any of them? Does your school have counseling available to students? That might be a good option too.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
Rap

((((((((((InACorner)))))))))))

My friend told me this once upon a time, he said "You only say you're fine or ok when you really aren't".

Is there anything I can do? If you ever want to talk, please send me a PM.

Take care of yourself, you're important.

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

I hope you are feeling a bit better today.