[lesasworld]

For as long as I can remember I get madly, insanely jealous when my significant other so much as talks to the other gender. I actually get psychotic and get enraged where I cannot control what I am doing. It's a very horrible feeling to feel that way and be so stupidly jealous and it drives me nuts! At the moment I am single but I most certainly DO NOT want to get into that behavior again. So can anyone relate? Maybe someone has some suggestions on how to get over it.

Thanks!

[Shangrala]

I can't really offer anything to overcome jealousy as I've refused myself to ever be that way.

The way I've always perceived jealousy, (for me), is I'd place myself in the opposing position and imagine how I'd feel if I had to deal with that kind of behavior and... I no likie..lol.

I understand that so long as there is trust there is no need for jealousy, regardless of the situation.

I'm sorry for not offering you more...but I've never really understood jealousy.

Shangrala

[ECHOES]

Can you slow down the jealous reaction to see where it originates and what it means to you: what fear does it arouse?

This is a great topic for therapy!

Originally Posted by lesasworld

For as long as I can remember I get madly, insanely jealous when my significant other so much as talks to the other gender. I actually get psychotic and get enraged where I cannot control what I am doing. It's a very horrible feeling to feel that way and be so stupidly jealous and it drives me nuts! At the moment I am single but I most certainly DO NOT want to get into that behavior again. So can anyone relate? Maybe someone has some suggestions on how to get over it.

Thanks!

If I may tell you a bit of myself - I KNOW that all too well.

I think I've kind of figured it out.

I believe if I am feeling that way - then what I really am is
insecure in the relationship, so I shouldn't be in it.
Something about just isn't right.
If I felt the relationship was equal then I should feel comfortable about it.
Besides I also have another opinion - I can not accept the fact that Men and Women cannot be in a relationship and have friends of the other gender.
My opinion - but that's all that counts

[lbms21x]

id have to agree with starlite. I became enraged one time. she was at a party and i wanted her to come home. she wanted me to be there. I didnt like when she drank and told her if she was drinking i would leave well i got there and she was drinking. told her to come home. ppl told me i wasnt jealouse but i was was that she wanted to spend more time with them then me when we didnt get to see eachother much. so i freaked out in the front yard of the house got in a huge fight. well turned out she was also seeing another guy and my gut was trying to tell me something. but not like yours where she couldnt take to the other gender at times yes but only if i felt threatened i guess you could call it. like when she would talk to her ex that turned out she ran off with in the end

[jerrymichele]

I have jealously issues. Mine stem from my past. In general I have a hard time trusting men. Probably because of my dad. When I have these feelings I try to figure out why I am having them. IMO it's worth a little bit of soul searching to find out why. I do agree with some of Star_lites views. She does have some good points. You also need to think about your values, and morals in a relationship. For example. I would never let my bf, go just to visit a girl. He knew this about me before we ever commeted into this relationship, and he feels the same way. Now if he was to give a girl a ride home like after work or something of that nature, I'm not going to think anything about it. I do think that if your finding that your bf is with holding the truth from you about certain things that you don't like, than there could be something going on. I think when anyone starts getting serious in a relationship it's best to say what you like, and don't like.

[xxWant2Escapexx]

Originally Posted by lesasworld

For as long as I can remember I get madly, insanely jealous when my significant other so much as talks to the other gender. I actually get psychotic and get enraged where I cannot control what I am doing. It's a very horrible feeling to feel that way and be so stupidly jealous and it drives me nuts! At the moment I am single but I most certainly DO NOT want to get into that behavior again. So can anyone relate? Maybe someone has some suggestions on how to get over it.

Thanks!

Well i can certainly relate and i wish i knew myself how to NOT be like that.Let me rephrase that....i "think" i know how not to be like that but currently i am sadly unable to change my thought process My man whom i am with now started off our relationship with some things that could be construed as cheating online.After he figured out that he very well could be suffering from some sort of addiction,he went to some counseling and was dx. His therapy was cut short(he had around 6 months of it) and he promised that things were gonna be different and that he was done with that bulls**t.For close to 5 months he completely removed himself from the internet but has now slowly began surfing again.I find myself literally wanting to pull my hair out when i am away at work,and he is at home alone.I get very fixated on it to the point i comb my computer to see if i can find any sort of wrong doing.I HATE being like this.....i was never ever a jealous person like that.In all my past relationships i have always been very confident and very self assured.I was that way at the start of our relationship till i found out those things he had done.I have forgiven him but i just cant seem to forget it and its been almost a year.Even just writing about it makes me very sad......i wonder if i will ever be able to completely and unequivocally trust him.

PS ever heard of 3Oh!3....a pop band out now....there song lyrics..."dont trust a ho,never trust a ho,wont trust a ho...." sticks in my stupid head all the time.....i love my man,i really do even if it seems like i dont....i guess since i am defective i am doomed to have defective relationships forever

[marjan]

well...I can relate to you very well....but my finding is that mostly my jealousy is true feeling and there is a reason behind it...."I don't feel secure in the relationship and that's because I don't get enough love, support and attention from the other end!".....If you feel secure in the relationship and know that he wants you, then you won't care....
my last relationship has ruined mostly because of my jealousy and suspicious, but now that I look back, I was right....The same way that he approaches me, he did with this new girl....very easily he moved on....so...that's who he is...and I was afraid to get hurt, but I got hurt at the end....
I'm certainly sure now that I wasn't jealous, it was just not receiving the love and attention from him....and feeling that he's still looking for somebody else....and I was right....because he did what he wanted to do....
I've been in relationship that I was jealous, but then when I saw his love and attention I found out my jealousy was not valid....
I suggest you to look at your inner gut and trust it....If you feel jealous and insecure, then that's not a right relationship to be in....
take care
Marjan

[theotterone]

When I met my husband, his best friend for over half his life was a woman. There were times I got jealous, but part of that was because she didn't think she had boundries and would "do" things (that he allowed to a point) and offered him sex while I was in a high risk pregnancy with our first daughter.

He is not a jealous by nature. My best friend is a male co-worker. It was D's (my husband, call him D) idea that we make Friday night a regular hang out night at my friend's place so his son (ADHD and developmentally delayed) had the regularity of me coming over every Friday night, as I am the only mother figure in The Boy's life. As long as my own family comes first, everyone is ok with sharing me to some extent. (there are no romantic feeling there, so that is a plus).

What got me over it was almost 4 years ago D walked in and announced (in front of our 2 daughters ) that we were getting divorced. Obviously we didn't, but during the time we were working out the split, I discovered a lot of inner strength I didn't know I had.

I learned to love myself and stand up for me and my children. I realized that as much as I would like to raise my girls in a two parent household, I had the support of my family and friends and could be a single mom and make it if I had to. My point of view changed. While I would LIKE him in my life, I didn't NEED him as my husband if that is what he chose. When he decided to stay, there were a couple of conditions I made, not only for my girls but for me too.

Once I found this inner strength and could love myself, I found I was not nearly as jealous as I was. His decisions are his to make, not mine. I just know what I will deal with and what is a deal breaker...

Hope this helps!

[babyfairyfifi]

There is only one question you need to ask yourself when feeling pangs of jealousy.

What am I afraid of?

Listen to your answers without censorship.

Then try writing positive affirmations about yourself. For instance , if you are afraid of not being loved , then write a positive statement about yourself saying:

I .....( insert your name here) deserve the best in life and deserve to be loved.

Write down the silent response you hear in your head to this statement.
Write down the original affirmation again followed by the silent response .

Keep this process going until the silent response becomes accepting.

This is a very powerful process. It takes time and commitment but it DOES work.
You may find out some difficult truths about yourself and the true state of your self esteem.

Good luck.
Jealousy can be overcome once you face your fears.

[arcanum]

I only really had one bout of jealousy when i was about 18, it destroyed the relationship i was in and i learnt a valuable lesson! I am not a jealous person now but i was married to seriously jealous one though. It was hard to live with for sure and has a lot to do with why we are not together now. Most of my friends are guys, my ex knew that and was fine with it in the beginning, he thought it was cool but over the years he became more and more jealous. I never gave him reason not to trust me, i never wanted anyone else but him ~ pity his jealousy and selfishness destroyed everything we had! In the end he was going through my phone messages, chat logs and my emails etc, reading ridiculous fantasy out of 'hows it going' convos. If a friend complimented me he thought they were after me so he said i couldnt talk to them anymore. It was fine for him to cheer his girl friends and female workmates or customers up tho by telling them they looked nice or flirting even but he wouldnt bother to compliment me because im dismorphic so as far as he was concerned it was a waste of his time. He would get jealous too if i was concerned for a friend who was having a hard time, he couldnt understand how come it would upset me, he was jealous because our mutual male friends would come and talk to me when they had a problem but he said he couldnt! He has no empathy ~ what he really needs is a stepford wife lol end of problems!!

My fiance lives in florida and i live in the uk, we want to be together all the time but obviously thats not practical atm, we are as happy as we can be apart but it could never work if either of us was jealous. I have very close male friends and my fiance has close female friends. He is away til tomorrow staying with one of them and helping her decorate for halloween. Id be having an awful day if i was jealous, but hey i got better things to do than worry about something thats not happening .

If you trust you partner what does it matter who he or she has as friends and if you dont trust them then why are you together??? Jealousy is a waste of emotion and a destroyer of relationships. None of us are perfect ~ acceptance, empathy and love are precious when we share them with someone ~ dont spoil those things with jealousy and mistrust, we only go round in painful circles if we do. If in doubt ~ get out ~ if not ~ trust, love and let go.

[superloner]

I have a serious jealousy issues..

I get jealous to my bf's mother..little sister.. and even his cousins (girls)...

I'm not sure what's wrong with me..
I just couldn't stand it when I heard his Mom calling him "honey, sweetie, bla..bla.."

One time I read his message to his cousin on facebook saying :hey beautiful..
and I got really mad..(but I didnt tell him cuz I was too shy, realizing that it was not normal)..

I get jealous when he told me that he was talking to his little sister on the phone...he was chatting online with his cousin...

Why do I get jealous all the time to all female surrounding him??even if it's his own mother...and family???

Does anyone know the answer???

Because this feeling is really annoying..
I don't want to carry this kind of feeling for the rest of my life...

PS. FYI, He's the first guy that I deeply in love with.. and it appeared to me that it's sort of like a trigger of my insane jealousy to come up...
And right now I'm on the stage where I'm trying to collect myself up since we just broke up recently...(but I guess that's another story to be discussed in another forum)

Thank you everyone..

Anyway, I'm new here...HELLO to all of you..


superloner

[pam7320]

I can relate to this. I can get stupidly jealous of every female my husband talks to, from cousins to co-workers to cashiers. I can't even stand the thought that he has ever kissed another woman in his life.

Now he has given me absolutely NO reason to be this way. He's not a flirty type at all and he's not the type that women flirt with. It all makes no sense. He is open, loving, understanding, and madly in love with me. He's incredibly romantic and constantly lets me know, both by word and deed, how much he cares about me. He has handled my jealousy with calmness and love, without getting mad at me. I'm just so worried that I might one day push him right out of my life.

I know my jealousy comes from past events with other men in my life, and not anything he has done. Sometimes in the middle of my jealous rage, I know inside how ridiculous I'm being, but I just can't stop!