I need strength

MAy end up in shelter better than there though 300+ miles down

is ok fly... re-setting a broken bone hurts and scares but it needs doing and you will make it through.

let us know how you are doing..

Shoot shoot shoot can't take meds cause I get sleepy, schizo acting up... Seeing things

Just try to stay calm and remember what you are seeing is NOT real!

Not sure where you are, you have a little money, can you stop in a motel & stay awhile just to rest up, take your meds & rest after the stress you had today. You won't do your family any good is you aren't well....that won't be good for them either....need to stop & rest & take your meds....get up & start tomorrow when you are feeling good.

PFM,
Please take Debbie's advice and find a place to stop and rest...it will do no good for you to keep pushing like this when you are exhausted and need to take your meds.
You are out of there safely, and I understand you wanting to get to your aunt's house...but please slow down enough to take care of yourself and kids...sleep, meds, food.

Contact a shelter in the next town of any size...the police dept should be able to help you.
If you do have money, it is well worth spending it for a safe sleeping place...

Check in and let us know how you are doing, ok?

In Peace

Have money but no one will take just cash need card he cancelled. Doing good though think an alt took meds cause no more seeing things 1ltr mt dew wide awake will stop when sleepy

(((Purple))) glad you got out. All major Hotel Chains will take cash, you just have to leave a $50 deposit (varies, but that is the most common, refunded upon check out) in case you use any of their services. Find a decent motel with a pool for the kids (if they are that age) and just decompress for a while. How far is the distance you're traveling to?

750 miles to go... Only 45 min sleep kids up now... Bless the person who made 5 hour energy drinks

((((((((((((Purple))))))))))))) Glad you got out okay. Drive safe. I thought you only had a daughter? Hope everyone is doing well.

The problem with those 5 hour energy drinks is that when they are out of your system, you CRASH hard. In college, I lived on the Vivran caffeine pills working all night then going directly to classes. That shaking feeling inside while awake was uncomfortable & when I didn't need to stay awake, I would sleep for several days while my body recovered each week. Knowing this is temporary for you.....but you do need to think ahead now that you can take it slower. Find a safe park (state park or something where you can let the kids run around & you can relax & breathe & get some fresh air.......unless you have care for your kids when you finally arrive at where you are going, you can't afford the crash the body goes through coming off of those drinks.

You used wisdom in getting away......you have run far enough where it's safe to slow down a bit & breath & let your mind get back in control of your situation rather than reacting as you are in the mode of doing right now. Your kids are going to need a functional Mother continually throughout this. It is an ok time now to back off from your panic of escape even though you are still in the process of fleeing. You can breathe & now you can put your self care back as your priority along with your kids.

Caring about you & your kids & praying for God's protection & guidance

Debbie

I think that you have made the best decision ever.I was once in an physically abusive relationship. My life has been so, so much better without him, and yours will be too. Someone who is abusive needs a lot of help, and until they realize they need help, there is not much anyone can do. Your kids are going to love you even more for leaving him. Once you get settled a little bit, go to the child support agency, and start getting money from him. They can take it out of his pay check before you even go to court. If you haven't worked in a while, you can also get spousal support from him. You are going to be fine. Everything will fall into place.

You have already did the hard part, so if you need to stop and rest, then do so.

We made it to my aunts. I'm freaking out what did I do? I ruined mine and my childrens lives and hurt my husband I'm so confused and afraid

PFM,
Thank you for letting us know you made it to your aunt's home; a place of safety for you and your children.

What did you do? Did what needed to be done to protect you and your children.
It doesn't feel that way right now, I'm sure. You are physically and mentally exhausted, stressed beyond words, and afraid of making a new start...
Please don't doubt yourself, PFM. Try and hang on to the valid reasons it was necessary for you to take this action.

Action, taking actions, are powerful words. In doing this, you knew in your heart that you are a worthwhile human being deserving to be treated with respect and courtesy.
A first step, a very big one at that...but you were drowning in his abuse and this had to be done.

Perhaps grief is a part of what you are going through...what was lost and what could have been...but you know he was not going to change.

Ruining your life and the lives of your children would have been staying with him...not leaving that abusive situation.
Hurt him? In some ways, yes of course. More likely it was a surprise to him that you had the courage to take this step.
His feelings are his--his and you are not responsible for them.

There's going to be so many feelings for you to work through...seek whatever help will be available to you and the children.
Accept the love of those who surround and support you.
Time; that four letter word. It's going to move slowly at first...giving you time to get focused and reassured of your strength, which you have even if you don't feel it right now.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing...may people here care about you.
Standing with you, in my thoughts.

In Peace

Catherine

PFM I know that it is really scary. Your having some anxiety over this, which is understandable. This man has had so much control over you.Your husband needs help for his abuse. It is not fair for you nor your kids to live in an enviorment like that. I know that your probably feeling alone in this, but your not. There are plenty of resources out there to help you. You haven't ruined anyone's life. You have helped yourself, and your kids. I would also say that maybe your husband is going to have a chance to see how he has treated you, and the kids in this relationship. He needs a lot of help with his anger. Your husband needs to see this for himself. He needs to fix this. You can't do that for him. You, and the kids deserve a safe, and loving home.

PFM just realize that you are not his punching bag, and your babies don't want to see their mommy hurt. Keep posting, we will be here for you.

I'm doing really bad now. We have no one. No place to stay. I look around this town and see how bad it is. I was so happy I got out and now I'm back with my kids. Triggers are everywhere there is no place and no way to hide

I thought you were at your aunts? How many children do you have? Perhaps you can go to a women's shelter? Please take gentle care.

PFM,
It's not unusual for panic and fear to set in after making such a major decision.

Am I understanding you correctly--perhaps being in your aunt's home is just that?
Being in someone else's home and not your own?
And now you have brought your children back to a place that does not feel safe?

Please consider contacting the local women's shelter for help and guidance. You would be surprised at the variety of ways they can assist you...
These advocates know the fears and problems you are going through, and will use very available resource they have to help you make a new life for yourself.

If there is not one in your location then call
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233)

http://www.ndvh.org/
call the hotline, we’re here to help

Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through interpreter services. If you or someone you know is frightened about something in your relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

There is help available to you; please use it.

Catherine

PFM call the number that Catherine posted for you. Right now you need someone to talk to, because your scared. Your anxiety is getting to you, so please call. If you haven't slept since you have left, then try to sleep. If your afraid that your husband is going to find you, then you need to go to the local police department, and see if you can get a order of protection on him.

I am afraid this town will turn my kids to trash. I am afraid I will become my mom and every street in this town has horrible memories so now I'm afraid to even walk out the front door yet even the place I'm staying has bad memories... This is so bad

PFM...
Afraid...and overwhelmed and sad...so many things for you to be handling...
You don't have to go it alone, PFM.
There are people who can help you with all of this...call them and give them a chance.
As a former court advocate re domestic violence, I'm aware of the services they willingly give to women in your situation.

It takes but a minute to call...

Catherine

Thanks for everyones comments! I have been reading them. The people here keep saying they will let me stay it's just so much. I'm doing alright now and I think it's mostly because I got to take my meds. This is just so much to take in. No more home no more husband no more daily pc chats soon no more cell... Than no more being called names no more being screamed at no more being hurt physically and emotionally I get to be my own person again I get to wear what I want go where I want talk to who I want see who I want. I will get a job and get help from the government. I will save as much as I can and get my children a home. We will be happy again it just doesn't seem that way when things are so low right now

(((((PFM)))))
You will make it throug this.
Things will get better.

hi. i hope this finds you still ok. may the godish bless you with all here stranght and love

Today makes one month since I left and I can't tell you how different I already am. It's crazy. All of my mental problems have gotten 100% better. I stopped taking my meds and I'm still doing ok! When I got here I was seeing bushes waving at me, street signs turn into people than those people turn into buffalo and get hit by cars, I was seeing deer in the top of the trees, so many things were going on. My alters didn't want to let go, they still tried so hard to come out or at least be on their guard. I ended up moving to South Carilona instead of Florida and am staying with family here.

I got here late Monday night and went to see an old childhood friend. I was in such bad shape, being triggered by so many things that night and the next day. Things were terrible. Than Tuesday night I decided to start taking my life back. I decided to do something that was forbidden when I was with my husband. My aunt and myself went to a bar and my grandmother watched my daughter. I was still in terrible shape. While I was there I couldn't look at anyone. My eyes were directed at my feet or my hands the entire time. Than my aunt and I met some really nice people. We ended up hanging out with them that night for a while at a mutual friends house and the entire time almost I was still doing bad and seeing things. This guy I met, I'll call him Mark, was really nice to me. He kept trying to talk to me and kept trying to get me to look at him but I couldn't.

The next day I talked to him again and saw him that night. We just talked and hung out as a group thing but it was easier to look up. Still not direct eye contact but to look up. Everything I was seeing and hearing went away and I was starting to get my confidence back. Since than I have been seeing him and we spend a lot of time together. I stopped taking my meds and am still doing wonderfully. I'm actually for the first time in my life happy. It's partially because I'm no longer a slave to my husband and the other part is due to the man I just recently met. We agreed not to get too serious too fast and just take things slow. He also knows all about my DID schizo and everything else, and about my past and current situation and is 100% accepting of it all. He treats me so wonderfully and every time I am near him, no matter what difficult situations I am encountering, he has a strange way of relaxing me and making me go back to my happy place.

As for the living situation, it's not good at all. It's better than the last but for the last 3 weeks I have been sleeping in my car. The family I am with now, crazy people. But there are 6 people living in a 3 bedroom and only one has a job. With me and Alyssa that makes 8. No room for me and she sleeps in a crib in the dining room. They are NOT clean at all, and all they every do is yell and complain. I can't wait to get out of here. I just started a job that the guy I'm seeing got for me and am currently looking for a second job.

I need my own place, just me and my daughter. I need to get out of here and as crazy and bad as this place can get it's better than the last place I was so it will do for a temporary situation until I can afford to be on my own. Who knows when that will be though since right now I only have 4$ to my name and my husband refuses to send me money even though he's required to.

Well that's my update on my situation and I hope you're all well. Thanks for all of the support you all have given me!