I wish my parents would die

darkpurplesecrets · Oct 23, 2009, 05:39 AM

cypher--

For what it is worth I understand completely. I do not have parents and I do not want to have them. Maybe they did give birth to me but that does not make them parents. Why is it that we are expected to forgive and get on with our life after what they did to us? Why is it that when we feel something it is not right?

For all my life I have been dealing with my so called family. They all only want what they want and it does not seem to matter how they get it. After what my parents put me through, I will never be able to forgive them. They have hurt me and continue to do so.

So many say move away and don't talk to them. Believe me, I have moved away as far away as one could almost get without leaving the country. But still they strike. I have not spoken to them in years, but still they know all about me. I have no rights, does not matter how old I am.

So, cypher, I do understand what you are feeling. I feel so alone and know that never do I want anything to do with them. I would never do anything to them, even though that is not what I can say about them. But I have separated from my family. Family does not have to be those you are born into.

Maybe I am wrong to others but when you have been through what I have been through, you would feel the same. Thank you for sharing and for being honest. Whether right or wrong----I do understand.

dps

multipixie9 · Oct 23, 2009, 12:49 PM

You don't owe me any apology. I value honesty more than a lot of other things. You have some deep hurts and anger and that is human, not wrong. Maybe I wasn't honest enough when I posted before, but my mom died after 6.5 weeks of discovered breast cancer and my dad has lived alone over 15 years and there have been times when I wished he would peacefully, painlessly pass away in his sleep because I can't help him and he insists on living alone as the house disintegrates around him and it hurts to watch it. I had forgotten that as an 8 year old I persistently "wished" my parents and 2 brothers would mysteriously and painlessly die and a "nice" family would adopt me. I was living with viciously evil abuse.

I've been spending my adult years trying to get free and get over the past. That is all I want for you - peace, freedom to go forth in your life.

I truly wish you well and able to freely enjoy life. I'm glad you spoke up and I know you are not alone. There may be wonderful parents out there, I just don't know what it is like to live with them. I only know how to survive neglect and scary abuse. I AM regaining freedom and peace and even joy. I want the same for you.

leslie and pixie

lizardlady · Oct 23, 2009, 01:31 PM

Cypher, I'm going to echo what some others already said. The "tapes" keep playing even after the parent dies. My father has been dead 12 years now. On bad days I still find myself trying to prove my worth to him. It's up to me to take charge of what's going on in my head and hit the stop button on the tape. I couldn't please him when he was alive. I sure as heck am not going to please him now that he's dead!

I'm glad to hear you have a T. Keep working on this in therapy. Some others mentioned sitting your mother and step-father down and tell them how their comments make you feel. Might be a good idea. It might not change how they act/speak to you, but would empower you.

VickiesPath · 08:36 PM

Cypher,

You were very brave to express what you were thinking and how you felt.

I think you clearly expressed that you meant them no harm. I also think that you clearly explained the reason you said what you said. You explained that every time you talked to your mother she re-emphasized feelings that made you feel terrible. I'm not going to repeat what you said. You said it very well and expressed yourself completely. I do not think that you were being imature, either.

I do not think that just because there are people here on this forum who disagree with the sentiments that you expressed that they should try to change your feelings or coerce you into expressing your feelings with different words. The words you used were fine because that was the way you were feeling.

Sometimes our parents have a hold on us and we are tied to them with bindings that are extremely strong and we believe that only in death will these ties be disolved. That may be the case with you and your mother.

I was not close to my mother. I left the town where my parents lived when I was 20. I felt like I had no choice because I had to escape the stigma of growing up their child.

It was a good decision.

Oct 24, 2009, 08:31 AM

Thank you, Vickie. Gulp (lump

in throat). I very much appreciate that. Mike

Oct 24, 2009, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cypher

I know this sounds terrible, but I wish my mother and stepfather would hurry up and die. I am so tired of their disappointment with me. I am 48 years old and for once would like to be on the planet without feeling ashamed about not measuring up to their expectations.

Don't get me wrong; I don't want them to suffer or be hurt. I don't want anything bad to happen to them.

I just feel like they -- especially my mother -- are always in my head, always judging me. I'm too old to feel so bad about what they think of me! I figure that once they are dead, I won't have to feel so guilty and ashamed for not having turned out to be a success, like my siblings. I am the only failure in a family of over acheivers.

I mentioned this to a friend who cautioned me about possibly feeling guilty about my wish when my parents do die. I'm not too worried about this.

I just want to be FREE, for once, from their low opinions of me. As long as they live, they will look down on me. Is it wrong of me to want this to end?

Maybe it is unrealistic of me to think that I'll feel better about myself without them around to look down on me. But I can't help it.

I imagine a world where I no longer have to feel so bad about disappointing them, because they no longer exist. Without them seeing me as such a loser, maybe I won't feel like such a loser. At least they wouldn't be around to actively contribute to my feelings of failure and low self-esteem.

Is this wrong of me? Has anyone out there ever been relieved when their parents died?

I'm posting this in the Relationships forum; hope its the right one. Thanks--

cypher..
Both of my parents have been gone for a little over eight years now. Lost both within a mth. To young i thought still do ((sorry a after thought there))
I can say i still wonder even now have i made them proud yet? Am I doing things right yet? For them....
That only happens once in awhile now. It is thou kinda like forever in grained. Something I know i need to work on as i have been.
I still at times will say Mom was right i do do things backwrds. You know what thou that is part of being me.
You feel what you feel. That will always be valid. Its your feelings.
I want to tell you something. the only person you have to measure up to is you. Be happy within you if you can. If you can think like this you are a success. No one can belike anyone else.
Be who you are and tell your Mom you are not ashamed of you
best to you ..not sure this helped ..carry on as you.

Oct 24, 2009, 09:05 AM

wanted to add cypher that with all my heart I do wish my parents were here.
even with all that we went threw. As my Mom had the uncany way of listening to me, just when i thought she would not. I do with all my heart miss that.
One more thing it took them time to reliaze i was who i was..and somehow accepted that. I hope somehow you can work threw this.

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I wish my parents would die

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