[deedee184]

Hi everyone,

I am in a difficult situation and could use a litte advice. I have been in a relationship with a man for six years and right before our 6 year anniversary he told me that he wants to end things with me. The problem is we can't just go our separate ways since we have owned a house together for 2 years and we need to live together until we can sell the house, and ending this relationship is not what I wanted. I have raised his son since he was 2 1/2 and we have lived together as a family for 5 years. He's okay with living together the way things are because he has been having an emotional affair with a mutual friend since last November and has detached from this relationship, but just told me about this two weeks ago, so I'm still in love, and living with him as if we are just roommates is killing me. I'm reminded every day of everything I'm going to lose, my relationship, the kid that I've raised since he was 2, my house, all our friends and his family, and I can't move on until we are living separate lives, but I don't want the house to go into foreclosure. All I have left is my credit. I am so hurt, angry, scared, i feel discarded. I gave 100% in this relationship. I even sacrificed marriage and having children with this man because I felt I had everything I needed with him and his son. Everyone tells me he's not worth a single tear, that he's selfish, and to just move on, but this has been my life for 6 years, and it's all gone. I don't know how to wrap my head around it. It's so easy to be angry and move on, but it's hard to love and let go. I don't want to forget about everything we loved about each other, and grow to hate him. I just can't understand why he's willing to give up everything we have, because of some old feelings for a friend he's had for 16 years, who has told him she isn't going to leave who she's been with for 16 years, just so he can be available to pursue something with her should things ever end with her and her significant other. Maybe it's because she doesn't want to be married or have anymore children, and he feels the same way, and he knows that I truly want those things, I don't know. It also hurts that this was someone who was my friend too, and knew what we had. She always use to say how lucky I was to have someone like him, and I feel like she took that away from me, even though she has no intentions on pursuing this relationship, especially after it's been done to her in the past. It just aggravates me how noone values relationships anymore.

I could just use as much support as I can right now to get through this. I have friends and family, but I work from home, and during the day I have no outlet to vent with anymore because they're all working.

If anyone has any advice on my options on what to do regarding the real estate issues or legal issues, please let me know.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.

Deedee

[Lenny]

I am so sorry deedee...I know how you are feeling and the emptiness in the pit of your stomache,,,it is hell....

He may change his mind...he may not..you certainly can't control him...but...

My advice to you is to retain legal advice as soon as possible...relationships do end but it is not mandatory that you lose everything from those six years...

Please keep sharing and I'm sure soon folks will come to your aid here soon..

Its that kind of place...

With Care,

Lenny

[hurtingintn]

hello and welcome to pc

[Dwayne61]

Hi Deedee. Welcome to PC.

[Seabirdanne]

You definitely need to talk to a lawyer. Usually the initial consultation is free, so you can check them out and if you don't like them, find someone else. But you need to protect your ownership rights, etc.

And you need to be kind to yourself. You obviously have friends around, and sometimes people don't know what to say, so when they say, "Don't waste a tear," they're really saying, "He's a rat." They're not really saying, "Don't cry." Who wouldn't cry in your situation?

And I don't know if you'll have any legal rights toward the little one or not, but try to remain amicable for that one's sake. But at the same time, make sure you are keeping yourself safe and strong.

This is a major life test, and I'm sorry it's happening to you. Find a lawyer, maybe find a counselor if you don't already have one, let friends and family help you if they can, and believe in yourself. You will get through this. Good luck.

[Porcelain_doll_2004]

Hello and Welcome to PC!

[lynn09]

Welcome to PC, deedee. Once again, I am in agreement with Seabirdanne - get an attorney immediately to advise you regarding the real estate, etc. In some states, having lived together as long as you have, "common law marriage" may apply which greatly increases your rights. I'm so sorry that you are in that situation, but I just have to say - if someone else can take him, then let them have him (and let the door hit him in the *** on the way out) and be thankful that it wasn't even further down the road before you found out the superficiality of his commitment to your relationship. That isn't what you want - you should never have to sacrifice what you truly want in a relationship in order to have a relationship with anyone. I know it's soooooo hard because you still love him, but give yourself the opportunity to find someone who loves you at least as much as you love them - what's the point, otherwise?

[Lost71]

Hi Deedee, Welcome to PC

[depressedalaskan]

to PC. All of your thoughts and questions are welcomed here. Do not be afraid to join in. This is a great place for everyone who enters.

[jerrymichele]

I'm so sorry. I would talk to a lawyer also. Is there any way you can get him to leave the house? I have no idea how you can stand being in the same house with him.

[deedee184]

Thank you to all of you for your advice. It really does help. I know that after it's all said and done I will be a stronger person, but right now I feel broken. I sm in the process of talking to some realtors, and I spoke to a lawyer who told me if I can wait to see what my mortgage company decides about remodifying our loan, which should be decided bu 9/02, but one more day living like this is tearing me apart. Anyway, please keep me in your prayers and keep sending me messages. With all of your support I know I can get through this. Thank you.

Deedee

[VickiesPath]

HI DeeDee and welcome to PC. I am so sorry for what is happening to you. There is one more casualty here....the little guy. If you've raised him since he was two, what is this going to do to him? I assume he has a biological mom in the picture? Or not? This is going to be one confused little boy.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

And GET A REALLY GOOD ATTORNEY!!!

[bridgie]

I agree with everyone else on the lawyer. See if there is a way to get him out of your house since he is the one that wants out. Sorry you are going through all of this. Keep your chin up and good luck

[Yoda]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have no advice because I too could not let go of the man I loved. But one person cannot make a relationship work. I wish I knew how to help you but all I can say is I care about you.

[jerrymichele]

Deedee It was a really good move to call the mortage company. Leaving the child out of this is the best way for the child. I was thinking that maybe you could ask him to leave until everything is final. If he won't leave could you stay with a family member or friend until all this is over? Personally I think that you should cut all strings with him. I think that he thinks that if he and this so called friend of yours won't make it, than he thinks that your just going to let him come right back into your life. Even if you still want to go back you can't do it on these terms. You need to let him know it's my way or the high way.

[scotlandskye]

(((((((((((((((((((((((deedee)))))))))))))))))))))) Welcome to PC

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I agree with everyone here that you should seek legal advice. You do not have to lose everything! I also agree with jerrymichele! I would ask him to leave or see if you could stay somewhere till it is over.

((((((((Hugs)))))

[marjan]

I feel your pain....be aware and alert and don't let him to take anything more from you....
He's brutally cut you off from his life....even if he wants you back, you should give him a real hard time....sorry to say that, I know you love him, but he's very selfish....he doesn't even consider his son...I don't see any bright future for him anymore.....wait and see....
talk to the lawyers and tell him just the result....

take care of yourself
Marjan

[deedee184]

Hi everyone,

I want you all to know that I've started to make phonecalls to look for my own apartment, and I have a real estate agent coming to look at my house on Tuesday. He told me that he could probably sell my house for more than what I owe on the Mortgage and I could even walk away with a little money in my pocket. I also called about an apartment that is in the next town over from where I live, and that one was not available, but she found me a little cottage that would be perfect for me and my dog (who is my baby and my best friend), in a price range that I can afford. She talked to the landlord this a.m. because it said no pets, but I told her he's just an 8 lb. yorkie that's 13 years old. I'm lucky if I can get him out of bed in the a.m. Anyway, it would be perfect for me because it will be like having my own house, and finally have some piece of mind and start putting my life back together again, but I wouldn't be able to do it without the support I've been getting from everyone. Just keep your fingers crossed, and send out some prayers that I get this place and I can sell my house fast, for what i owe on the mortgage, so i can leave all this behind me and move on. I will keep you all posted on what happens after Tuesday.

Thanks again,

Deedee

[lynn09]

Oh, Deedee! That cottage sounds like the perfect place for you to heal and start a new life. I will keep my fingers crossed that they let you have it even with your baby yorkie. And, that's great news about the house. Don't let anything slow your forward momentum, though, even if you don't get the cottage - you'll find someplace to call "Home." Keep us posted, please.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by deedee184

Hi everyone,

I want you all to know that I've started to make phonecalls to look for my own apartment, and I have a real estate agent coming to look at my house on Tuesday. He told me that he could probably sell my house for more than what I owe on the Mortgage and I could even walk away with a little money in my pocket. I also called about an apartment that is in the next town over from where I live, and that one was not available, but she found me a little cottage that would be perfect for me and my dog (who is my baby and my best friend), in a price range that I can afford. She talked to the landlord this a.m. because it said no pets, but I told her he's just an 8 lb. yorkie that's 13 years old. I'm lucky if I can get him out of bed in the a.m. Anyway, it would be perfect for me because it will be like having my own house, and finally have some piece of mind and start putting my life back together again, but I wouldn't be able to do it without the support I've been getting from everyone. Just keep your fingers crossed, and send out some prayers that I get this place and I can sell my house fast, for what i owe on the mortgage, so i can leave all this behind me and move on. I will keep you all posted on what happens after Tuesday.

Thanks again,

Deedee

You are doing the right thing Deedee. I know that it's hard, but your life will be so much better not living in those conditions. Hang in there, and we will be here for you.

[deedee184]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to keep you posted. I chose a realtor and the house is now on the market. It was listed yesterday, Sept. 14, and I've already gotten 1 call on it, and he listed it above what I owe on the mortgage so we can try to avoid a short sale and I can still have my good credit. I also went this past weekend and signed a lease for that cottage. I will get the keys on October 1'st. I CANNOT WAIT!!!

The funny thing about all of this is the realtor that I chose came to take pictures for the inside of the house today and we were talking for about 45 minutes about the whole situation I'm in, and before he left he told me that I could call him at any time as a friend or if I need advice from a males perspective. He's pretty cute too! Too bad he's only 25 and I'm 37. Who knows, it's all in God's hands from here on out.

thank you for all of your continued support. I will keep in touch with all of you as things progress.

Deedee

[lynn09]

Originally Posted by deedee184

Hi everyone, I just wanted to keep you posted. I chose a realtor and the house is now on the market. It was listed yesterday, Sept. 14, and I've already gotten 1 call on it, and he listed it above what I owe on the mortgage so we can try to avoid a short sale and I can still have my good credit. I also went this past weekend and signed a lease for that cottage. I will get the keys on October 1'st. I CANNOT WAIT!!! Deedee

Congratulations, Deedee!! Glad to hear that things are progressing in a positive direction for you - a new adventure - a new chapter. Wish you all the best. Please keep us posted - it's always good to hear good news, too.

[deedee184]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that today was a really BAD day. I found a letter from the other woman in his truck this a.m. and I was devistated. I knew it was going on but I never had any actual proof, and to see it in writing from her, and seeing how all the feeling she has for him, is the feelings I still have for him, it kills me. I wanted to to call her and I wanted to give the note to her boyfriend, because he doesn't know what's going on, but why bother. All it will do is bring them closer even faster. I just feel so broken, and unappreciated, discarded. I'll never understand how two people who are supposed to care about you can do this to someone.

Di

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by deedee184

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that today was a really BAD day. I found a letter from the other woman in his truck this a.m. and I was devistated. I knew it was going on but I never had any actual proof, and to see it in writing from her, and seeing how all the feeling she has for him, is the feelings I still have for him, it kills me. I wanted to to call her and I wanted to give the note to her boyfriend, because he doesn't know what's going on, but why bother. All it will do is bring them closer even faster. I just feel so broken, and unappreciated, discarded. I'll never understand how two people who are supposed to care about you can do this to someone.

Di

Deedee I'm so, so sorry. Thank gwad you will be away from him soon. Your bf or ex is a jerk. The girl isn't your friend. If she was your true friend she would have never betrayed you like this. Sooner or later the girls bf will find out. Deedee you deserve so much better than how they are both treating you. The minute something goes wrong between the two of them he will want you back. This girl is probably using him, because if she wasn't than why is she still hanging on to her bf. Sooner or later she will end up leaving your bf. When that all happens he will want you back. I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn't go back. He has hurt you, you have had to give up your house, and he does it right in front of you. Deedee you will find a man who will give you the love that you deserve. When he falls down slam the door on his face, and don't look back.