can your ex become your friend?

I'm being tooo nice - have told him since he moved out that he only has to pay a limited amount to the mortgage (waiting on the court order to finalize the separation - which he caused) and then I find out that he has bought 'her' diamond earings!
Once again I am getting taken for a ride.
We are still talking and all of that and as I pack up the house I find things of his that he has left behind or notice that he has taken things that were mine... I want them back ASAP as it's frustrating me.

The other small problem I have at the moment is that my 'time of the month' hasn't come - I hadn't really been paying attention because I stopped taking the pill when we broke up... so it's been about 6 weeks. I have messaged him about it but gotten no response. Not to mention the fact that when he did last sleep with me he was already 'dating' her. Could be that te anti-depressants are having some sort of affect on me.

Little update

Mark has started a facebook account - never was iterested before and as a photo of her and him on it. It just killed me to see it. He was so private when we were together and now he's advertising to the world that he's with her. I feel like I never knew him at all. It was like being kicked in the gut once again.

He's coming to the house tomorrow to pick up the stuff he left behind and to get rid of his rubbish. I don't know if I should be there or not???? I don't really want to see him but I do want. Such mixed emotions right now.
I was doing okay until the facebook thing - it's just he's rubbing my nose in it just to hurt me. I want him to be hurting not me.

New Years eve was okay, did do much but went to the movies with a really great friend. My problem now is that I think I am giving him mixed signals too and I don't feel ready to be with someone else not to mention the fact that I don't know if I love him like that. I don't want a rebond relationship that will ruin a wonderful friendship..

Today I have realised that I just need to get on with my life and not worry about what Mark is doing. He can be as happy as he wants but in a way I don't think he has really changed who he is and will revert back eventually.

Why does this sort of thng happen to really good people?

I think you should keep your distance from the house while he is there. I don't think there's any good that can come from it. He's been incredibly insensitive throughout all of this, almost to a level of being childish. Opening a new facebook account and plastering that picture up there reminds me of high school type antics. I know how you feel about not knowing him. So many little things can be hidden for so long that add up to be something much bigger. I feel that same way about my ex and I have no contact with her at all, makes me wonder how you can handle it all to be honest.

I agree it's important for you to set proper boundries with your friend. I believe you are too fragile at the moment to really think out all of the implications of rushing into a new relationship. If you guys are great friends, I think it's best to keep it that way at least for now. Hopefully he can understand and accept that. If not, you have to wonder what his motives have been all along.

You're right, and I know it's hard to keep yourself in high spirits during times like this. Just know that whatever type of artificial happiness he has found will fade in time. He will come to terms with losing a wonderful girl and be kicking himself in the *** about it for years to come. You still have a clean conscience, which in my own opinion is one of the most important things a person can possess.

Hope you're doing well today.

You are a great person have sent you a PM

Hi Belle.., you are not alone.
Im suffering the same situation.. with some diffrent details,
may be telling you this will make us more strong to get thro this..
I hope so

Little update.
After not contacting him myself since before New Years I relented yesterday... Silly I know.... I just sent a 'Hi' text message. It ended up with a little conversation via text. That I can handle, talking to him I don't think I could. He said he was having a ****** day (that makes me smile - I hope it was ******). I ended the texts which makes me feel good about myself.
I am back at work today so that will keep me busy for the day which I see as a good thing.
I do miss him a lot but it's not like it was before.
I realised the reason I didn't go and see him up at the house on Saturday is because there is nothing left to say, that is an empowering feeling.
I am sure that what we had is dead for the time being and I'm okay with that

Dwena, have you posted here? I couldn't find your story/situation and would love to be able to help if I could.

Just a little update.
Back to work so that keeps me busy during the day but the nights have become hard again... "roller coaster ride".
I have a therapist appt this afternoon so maybe that will help. I forgot to take my meds this morning - didn't reailse until I was half way to work, i know that missing it once probably wont have any affect but because I know that I missed it I feel all anxious and sad... the fire is back in my arms and legs making me want to run away (don't know if that really makes sense to anyone else).

Today I still love him but I don't want to. I want him back but I don't. I miss him but not the person he is now..

Just had to write all of this down.

Any advice out there?

I had 'homework' from my therapist between appointments... I had to write all the positive things about myself and also get two people that know me well to do the same - I wasn't allowed to see what they had written until my session (yesterday). I cried when he read them to me, but it was a good cry not a bad cry - a happy cry if that makes any sense. It made me feel like a worth while person, boosted my opinion of myself and made me happier.

Today I woke up with a smile - what a first since this has all happened!

My dear dear friend (the one I have been taking beach walks with) wrote this;

Belinda asked me to send a few postive words describing her through my eyes.

We've known each other for about 7 years and I've known her previous partner Mark a few years longer. Both her and Mark worked for me so I suppose I know Bel quite well even though we've never lived in each others pockets.

Some of the words I's use to describe her are, as I run though my mind:

Intelligent
Capabke
Trusting
Likes Cleanliness
Vulnerable
Sodt
Headstrong
In control
Humorous
Generous
Likeable
Trustworthy
reliable
House Proud
Loving
Loveable
Organised
Open
Attentive

I see that I have written some confilcting words but Bel, in my eyes, possesses all

This is me and I am happy with myself today..

It was a really great exercise to go through to improve self esteem... I think everyone should try it

You can be his friend but like me, when I break up with a boy I don't see anything good about him anymore. Well, my type of guy of course... :P

But it matters in what he feels and what you feel. If you feel like you still want to be with him (but not as serious), then tell him. He might understand if he agreed on sleeping with you. But if he says again that he doesn't want anything anymore, then let him go.

Hi there

He's the one that wants to be friends more than me... yes I get confilcting emotions towards him and it confuses my occasionally... But now I am in this lifetime for ME not for anyone else and it feels GREAT.
I don't want him out of my life forever and I am coping with trying to be 'friends' much better than before... It's sort of nice, just light chatter with the occasional 'flirt' thrown in - like today him saying he waould have added "sexy and ocd" to the list that was written about me.

It boosts my confidence...even tho he shouldn't be saying things like sexy to me seeing he's with another woman now

Wanted a few opinions... have asked a good friend his opinion by PM but thought I'd put it out here as well.

I emailed the list of my positives to Mark - wanted him to know exactly what he has given up.... It was a positive thing in my head for me to do. After a few chatty emails I asked if he would have added anything to the list...
"Sexy and obsessive compulsive" was his reply.
Okay so the OCD thing isn't a postive but the sexy thing is.. am just suprised that was his response tho..

Any ideas on why that was the reply? He's still with her as far as I know so I find it a strange reply...

It hasn't changed how I feel - I am enjoying being 'single' in the sense that I am enjoying time with friends, meeting new people and learning more and more about what I was from life...

He said that you had OCD? I think that is mean. I would ask him what was the meaning of that. If you do have it there is nothing wrong with you. I just think that sounds like an insult. I'm sorry he said that.

I took it that way at the start - seeing it was meant to be a positive list. The friend that wrote the list was also angered why he found out but I think Mark was just kidding - we usd to joke about me having to check the car was locked every night (I have only once in my life not locked it) and checking the doors were locked and doing thing the same way each day...So I am HOPING and I do think that he was kidding.

It was more the sexy thing that thru me out...

Mark seems to be having a lot of '******' days (his words) and is not not feeling very well.... Weird as it seems it makes me worry about him but also makes me a little glad that life is not as nice for him now that he is not with me anymore...
BUT he is still with her which makes me feel ill for being replaced like that.

I have to defend my friend that seemed to want more from me than friendship.. he has been the most caring and wonderful person and understands that I can't deal with more than that.. I have told a few people this through PM but wanted it to be out in the open as well xxx