[jennie]

a few hours ago, my hubby was yelling at me about me picking at my skin (scars), then he has a temper tantrum and throws things and stomps his feet on the ground (like a child). he yells at me because of my responses were arrogant (i laughed). then i finally get to speak and tell him that i cannot talk to him when he's yelling because i put up my walls and i laugh because it's a defense mechanism. then, he sits in front of me (i was laying on the couch) and he begins scratching at his skin as if his fingernails were razorblades and leaves instant bruise lines along his inner forearm then he starts crying. i thought to myself "that's crazy." again, i laughed . . . i tried not to but it was an intense moment and that little voice inside of me said "don't laugh" but i did . . . i felt horrible. then, my hubby is very upset and walks away saying he's moving out . after crying in the bedroom, he comes back and asks me if i love him and if so how could i if i was laughing. i start crying. he tells me how scared he is of losing me blah blah blah and apologies for his behavior and what he said to me. the whole time i'm frozen on the couch. i keep crying. all i can think of is how i want to die and how blah blah blah. i never apologied for my laughter.

i'm going to hate to bring this topic up again in marital counseling next week.

i really don't know how this marriage is going to work when all i can think of is my pessimistic thoughts . . . my suicidal ideations blah blah blah.

[kimmydawn]

that sounds like a horrible time for the both of you...very intense and emotion filled. i'm sorry.

as to the laughter. dear, i can SO relate. in extreme emotional stress this body will laugh. i say this body, because no part of me is laughing...anywhere. i felt so much better when someone explained to me that it's an hysterical response. it sucks when it's inappropriate.

once i watched a child (i was a child as well) get hit by a motorcycle. thank goodness the child wasn't hurt horribly. however, i got yelled at by adults because this body stood there laughing when all i wanted to do was cry. i understand how confusing and upsetting for those around you, that it can be.

i'm glad you are in marital counseling. can you tell counselor what you've learned about hysterical reaction and possible let him/her explain that to hubby?

gl, and please let us know.

kd

[Wants2Fly]

What KimmyDawn said.

Please don't give up on counseling and keep us posted.

please know that we're here for you..don't give up on the counseling. bring up what happened so the T can help you understand and work through it. xoxo pat

[misty]

sounds like a lot of issues need worked out with you both be it together or own counseling. Just my opinion for what ever that is worth.
lrks

[jennie]

thanks . . . kimmydawn . . . Wants2Fly . . . fayerody . . . skylrks

my hubby apologized again to me today for what happened yesterday. i finally apologized to him about my laughter.

my counselor says i'm doing much better from last year (i used to barely communicate.) she says i laugh more. maybe she doesn't realize some of it may be hysterical laughter? but maybe laughing IS better than giving no response at all??? i don't know what's best . . . aughhhh . . . i wish i wouldn't laugh when i need to cry or talk out my frustrations.

your T told you that you're doing better.....that shows you're working on it...we're here for you.....xoxo pat

[wi_fighter]

Jennie, that's great that you two were able to apologize.

I'd explain to your therapist that you think some of it might be a hysterical response. I mean, she's not at your house 24/7 to be able to understand why you laugh in each instance, so maybe it will help if you tell her your opinion of what it might be.

[Raynaadi]

bump

[jennie]

update . . .

my hubby and i didn't discuss this argument in marital counseling. we had just returned from out of town and only talked about the trip . . . definitely avoidance. again, we are out of town because his father had a stroke, so i predict the next session we'll be discussing stuff about this trip.

i'm extremely sensitive to yelling and mean remarks. when my hubby get upset, he yells. when he's frustrated or tired he starts saying mean things. i fluxate from shocked to arrogant to scared to dissociating as he's yelling. i quit interacting with him and that's when he starts throwing a fit, breaking things.

my counselor suggested i write him a note next time he starts yelling. that's my plan.

I think that is a great plan to have jennie.

Is there anything you can do to make this plan more readily available in the needed moment of an argument? I can relate the the fluxuating emotions you've described. The writing of a note is a very good idea. I am wondering how to make it possible to step away from your yelling hubby safely so that his fit throwin' doesn't include you in his proximity?

Easy enough to write out here but harder to put into practice which is why I'm asking the nitty gritty of what exactly can you do for next time so that you are able to write out a note in safety.

I am sorry to hear of your fil's stroke. Family health issues usually add so much stress to already stressful situations.

Do your you stuff during all this. Make sure your needs get met if that means treating yourself to a sundae or going to a movie or a long bubble bath then do it!

You're working on many issue on many fronts. Powerful work and hard stuff. Good job! You should be CEO by now!! Sounds dumb but the feelings of pride in seeing your path over time are true. You're doing a great job on this.

[jennie]

__zh THANKS (((huggs)))

i need to have pads of paper and pen handy in a couple locations of our home.

i need to learn better communication skills for times when i feel he is trying to control me. i'm sure i'm pushing his buttons by the way i react (or non-react) to his yelling.

[MacD]

Keep hanging in there and of course, keep on going to counseling....Marriage is a rocky journey under the best circumstances....but if the love is there then the understanding will follow.....Believe me, I can relate....love Grace