[cutbuddie]

okay heres the deal. this is my first boyfriend after the whole rape happened. We've been dating for about idk 3 days now. and were already having problems. The truth is, im scared. I really am, but in another way im not the least bit. But kay, ever since the rape, all i can think about is sex, im serious. At times it scares me. I know my T told me it's just natural. But sometimes i think about the guy that raped me, she sad that means the sexual assault is still in me, I don't understand that part. At all. But then after a while i started like really really wanting sex really badly, that i would like talk to guys and telling them i will have sex with them. I'd hate to hurt this guy because i really do love him. But the assault just messed me up, thinking that guys just want to skip the talk and hop right in bed. I don't know how to fix that. I mean i love this guy, he makes me feel happy, loves me for who i am (for once in my life), he's listens to me, all that. I love him so much, I really hate to hurt him, because I would be the one hurting him and he doesn't need that.
What do i do?!

[bluegirl...?]

well, maybe you could find other stuff to do with him to occupy time since doing him will hurt him. like, maybe by doing stuff like seeing movies, going out to eat, or maybe even bowling to keep you from thinking about having sex with him. if bringing sex into a relationship will only bring pain, you should try and hold off from it until youre ready without any kind of dillema. you could also tell him how you feel so he understands [if he dont already]

it sucks that the whole rape happened to you& its causing you problems. i dont know when it happend or how or who, but no one should have to live with that mental scar. if you ever need someone to talk to, im here(:
>>Danni

[Typo]

((((((Cutbuddie))))))

What you are going through isn't abnormal in any means, I struggle with a few similar issues (I am a childhood sexual abuse surivor) I have a fear of men, and fear that if they are to have me in a sexual manner they will abandon me afterwords

Have you told him about the assualt? It may help him understand what is going on, and why there are issues arising in the relationship. It's best in a realtionship to be open and honest, espically on manners like this, communication is key

Please be gentle with yourself, You deserve a kind loving relationship, if someone truly loves you they dont' just want to hop into bed with you, they want to talk and spend time with you, and will be there through the bad and good. You are a good person and more than just sex.

Are you talking with your T about this? Maybe you could print this out and show it to her, I know it was very helpful to talk to my T about my relationship issues and how they linked to my childhood abuse.

Sending best wishes your way, feel free to pm anytime
Typo

[Dave255]

Originally Posted by cutbuddie

But sometimes i think about the guy that raped me, she sad that means the sexual assault is still in me, I don't understand that part. At all.

I think she means its still affecting you and you haven't moved past it yet.

When your confused its best to be extra cautious and avoid making big decisions that would have lasting impacts until you figure things out.

I doubt approaching guys for sex is not something you actually want. When your in turmoil and pain part of you might think doing drastic things could help you deal with it, it won't. Doing that could get you even more confused. If you did its not something you can go back in time and take back. You would also develop a reputation that you couldn't restore.

The guy that raped you was only interested in sex, well they say rape isn't about sex its all about power and control. So this guy might not have been interested in sex, just the feeling of being in control and sex was how he would get it.

Many guys aren't interesting in just sex. The guy your with isn't like that. As a teenage guy he would want to have sex, but he seems to enjoy hanging out with you too.

Just hang in there, as time goes by you'll get better and avoid doing anything drastic.

Have you tried meditation? Just sitting down and focusing on breathing really helps to calm and get me feeling better, I can definitly feel more jittery and irritable if I skip it. I haven't been through what you have, but it might help.

[cutbuddie]

yeah i think you're right. Maybe i haven't completely moved past it. Yeah i decided to just not have sex. I'm not ready and my boyfriend really understands that. I had also told him about it and how i'm scared. He told me he'll always be there to talk and im really thankful for that. And for you guys. I'm deciding i will just take my time in getting into a relationship, But how do i stop these thoughts.? meditation? I could try that.

Thankyou,
Kenzie

[Envision]

I think you and whoever you decide to be with in the future would really benefit by putting as much distance as you can between what happened and the start of something new. Fill your life as much as you can with positive experiences and positive people and when your really ready, you will know it. No need to hurry or rush things, the world will still be there when the time is right.