What do women want? part II

Hmmm... not sure marriage is the thing for you LOL It's a good "ideal" listing, imo.. but make sure you can fudge a little when you are ready... like, would it really matter say, if you have a pre-nup and each keep their own money, but he makes less but is a good worker and happy with his work?

You are right _Sky,

If everything is kept in our own names at that point, it really wouldn't matter. I am not working & it really would be hard to earn less than disability....but as long as the other person is happy with what he is doing...it wouldn't be a problem at all....being happy is the most important issue.

But...you are completely correct....marriage is seriously not for me AT ALL....30 years is long enough....guess that is how I protect myself....make the required qualities so high that no one qualifies & I don't have to ever go there again...I can't imagine ever being ready for a marriage again.

Thanks for providing for a clarification,
Debbie

Let me ask this lets say that he makes a lot more then you would you expect him to give you a better life style? Live in a better home, take vacations? Or would you content living on your income and he living on his? How do you keep things equal? What if you made far more then he did? Would you pay for the extras like a bigger nicer home? vacations? I recently read that in about 35% of dual income families the woman now out earns her husband. What is fair in this new age of changing relationships?

I have a problem with the idea of pre-nuptual agreements.. I realize it is probably a wise and practical step, but it suggests a lack of trust from the beginning. I suppose, if I were wealthy, I'd have to think along those lines, huh! I've actually experienced quite a bit of "what's mine is mine; what's yours is yours" and it really kills a romance.
Seeker

I think for me all I want is a man that loves me for who I am. intimacy, passion, feeling secure with the man I love. To live comfortably. No I don't mean alot of money but enough to pay the bills and sometimes be able to maybe do a weekend getaway with my guy. pretty simple stuff

Sounds lovely to me too, Bebop!!!
Where are these people????
Seeker

Artist,

I think when a couple is just starting their lives & come together "in marriage" (not just living together), then there should be that pooling of resources. Two shall become One. When goals are common there is that need ecause you can do a lot more that way to make the marriage & each other more successful. I agree that the mine is mine, yours is yours, does nothing for a marriage at that point in life.

However, at the point where I am, 52 & after a 30 year marriage, it doesn't seem to me that I could ever go back to that philosophy. This is mostly because what's mine in MY family inheritance. I now have my inheritance that is finally allowing me to have my mental freedom. I am doing thorough research on where & how I want to live for the rest of my life given that I am paying cash for it all. My requirement to myself is to have at least several acres for my horses & dogs, a very comfortable home, a vehicle & trailer for my horses, & other misc expenses prepaid along with savings for emergencies & medical bills that seem to haunt me. I will be completely satisfied & happy knowing that I have done the best I can with what I have.

I also own my vacation condo which is a time share & can trade for any location I want to go to when not going to my first love of winter in Jackson Hole Wyoming.

Because of this, if I ever got re-married (which I doubt would ever happen), I would plan on splitting all costs....I pay my expenses & he would pay his....only 50/50 when the actual expenses couldn't be determined. I will not have enough money to support anyone other than myself from this point on...& would never expect anyone to support me because where I am going to be will be completely satisfying to me.

Most of my married life was that of a 2 engineer, upper midle class level. I lived in the better home with those fancy sports cars, suv's, skiing vacations, & travel. It was pretty much what we wanted we got.......& look where it's ending!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is so important for me to have my independence & be in control of my own life without allowing anyone to mess it up again....I know that having things beyond what I can afford isn't important to me. I honestly don't know what I would do if I found that millionaire that is hiding out there....but I would never expect him to support me because he should be taking care of his own families future inheritance and would feel really uncomfortable taking anything from a person like that.

I remember long ago dating guys that would always spend a lot of money buying me things. It only took a couple of times until I refused it because I didn't want someone trying to impress me with money & gifts. That has always been a big turn-off to me....& always will be.

Debbie

seeker hon I have no idea. my hubby was like that when we got together but somehow it slipped out of our reach. who knows.

I used to think that guys who gave you expensive gifts were merely trying to impress you...I now tend to think of those "gifts" as attempts to control....Later, you would hear things like...I gave you this or that..but you're not humoring me.......I'm supremely suspicious of big gift givers...I'd rather that they just give themselves..... Grace

Just curious. Is anyone here happily married.
I am. 22 years.

Twinks...after a very serious "bump in the road", (separation), I consider myself happily and gratefully married for almost 21 years....It was painful, it was scary...but we emerged w/a much better understanding of each other and a much greater appreciation for sure.....grace

29 yrs. for hubby and me, rollercoaster ride , but mostly happy
Angie

eskielover, What would you be doing if you did not have that Inheritance? Would you still be in the marriage for financial reasons? lets say he inherited a lot of money would you want some of it in a settlement?

I find myself WANTING to share....everything. Maybe I'm too generous and naive!
Seeker

seeker isn't marriage about sharing everything? I think that is the problem with most marriages...it sure isn't 50/50 is it?

ouch...I did not know that more women now out earn their spouses. I know that was our case and even still is somewhat but not like it was..now that I am on workman's comp though I don't feel that ALL of my money should go to bills. just my opinion though

Hi, Bebop,
My marriage of 20 years wasn't really about sharing, and I left, after daughter was grown and in college, letting him have most everything, just happy to get away. He wrote the divorce himself, sans lawyer. The lawmaster, at our hearing, said to me, Mrs. Wolford, you have significantly less assets than your husband, and if you agree to this, you can NEVER come back to reclaim anything. I meekly said, "This is what we agreed upon." I had been so intimidated throughout the marriage, with threats of his taking our daughter from me, and being left out in the street with nothing. I believed him! He is now remarried, and the new wife benefits from his financial security. Don't get me wrong; I'm not bitter, and the divorce was amicable because I didn't challenge him. In retrospect, however, I would now be more aggressive.

My exp. with dating, all men who have been thru divorces and raked over the coals financially, is that no one is willing to share, though I have been!

In the end, I am able to take care of myself, have a good job, and a nice little house. I've decided I'm better off alone, and I've developed contentment in my solitude!

Seeker