Confession...

I need to get this off my chest and need some feedback, PLEASE...
A little over a month ago, I found out my husband was cheating on me. (Married 14 years, 2 young kids). Initially, I wanted a divorce but have since calmed down and we are now in therapy to figure out if this can be worked out.
My problem...My best friend has now told me she cannot remain friends with me because I am choosing to "remain a doormat" to my husband by trying to work things out.
But, there is a little more to it than that...
The week after I found out about my husband, I went over to my friend's house to escape. She and her family were getting ready to have dinner and she insisted I stay. I had taken some anxiety med and then they fixed me a few drinks. In the course of the evening, I made a suggestive comment to her husband about maybe needing to even the score with my hubby and asked her hubby if he were interested (my friend was sitting right there at the table when this happened and the kids were not there). I was NOT serious, they knew I was a little messed up from the drinks and xanax, VERY UPSET over my situation, etc. Nothing was said about this for a month....until the other day when she told me her husband has forbidden her to remain friends with me due to my proposition.
I have apologized (I honestly didn't even remember the proposition part - just the comment about perhaps needing to get even with my husband by sleeping with someone).
I accept full responsibility for my mistake of making that stupid comment, I have sworn up and down that I was not serious (If I were, would I really proposition her hubby in FRONT OF HER????), I accept that I may lose my friendship with her...is there anything more I can do?
I am devastated over the mess with my husband and now to lose my best friend....I just don't know what to do.

boy, i'm not the one to give advice on this one. my ex slept with my best friend and i'm really touchy about this. it was a bad choice to combine xanax with drinks. at least you learned that.

if they won't accept your apologies, then you'll just have to suck it up and motor forward. and, if i were the husband, i'd be very uncomfortable to be around you. that's just human nature.

Hello, and welcome!
People do crazy things when they're hurting. You were probably in a form of shock when the incident happened with your friend's husband at the dinner table, not to mention the Xanax and alcohol.
Excuses aside, however, it sounds like your best friend is trying to distance herself from you...First by telling you she cannot remain friends if you continue to be a "doormat," and Second, that her husband says she can no longer associate with you because of the dinner incident.
You have made your apologies to her and her family, and now I think you have to respect her wishes.
Seeker

Wise answer fayerody. It is hard not to give an opinion based on our own history.

Here's my answer. Hope it helps !
The reaction of the friend and her husband is understandable, but they might get over it. Give them time to realize that you didn't mean it. I would tell them : it was stupid but I was on medication and my frustation (which was very real) was expressed in the wrong way. We all say things that mean something else. You said it in front of your friend ! You knew it was "safe" to talk nonsense. You probably needed some confirmation that you were attractive without a man hitting on you. This guy seemed a safe option. He might have made a compliment (even if it is unlikely in front of his wife), but he wouldn't have gone further.
Please consider this : maybe their reaction doesn't really have something to do with you. Maybe you put your finger on a wound, without knowing it. Why is your friend so upset about seeking counselling (who needs to be punished here ? Is this about your husband ?) ? Why does the husband of your friend react in such a rigid manner (guilt over a past episode ?). Wild guesses only, but think about it before taking all the blame.

Pimprenelle - Thank you for your response. My therapist agrees with you that this really isn't about what I did but what is REALLY going on between them (either now or in the past).

At the end of the phone conversation where my friend told me her husband didn't want us associating with each other any more, she mentioned that since I had a T appt. that afternoon, mention it to my T and see what she says (about her husband's reaction). I did this and then relayed my T's interpretation back to my friend. My friend got VERY DEFENSIVE when I told her my T's take on this...and now she really won't talk to me anymore. She has said that I've twisted everything around to make the problem about her and her husband when its all about my husband and me.

I have left her alone for the last week in the hopes that things will settle down. Not sure if there's any hope for us as friends (after some of the things that were said) but I am doing better about it. It especially helps that I totally trust my T and now that my husband is in therapy too, things have gotten much better (even though we have a ways to go). Thanks again!

Oh, where in France do you live? I adore Paris

Glad I could help. You know I had similar problems with my 2 best friends ! They started a fight with me under some pretense. I felt guilty for quite a while. Actually it had nothing to do with me ! After 10 years, we reconnected and we are the best friends of the world again. We all learned a lot from this.
It doesn't have to take that long but it won't be solved in a week. I would be surprised. If your friend is so defensive, she must know deep inside that you are right. It takes time to come to the surface, I guess. You did what could be done. Don't feel bad about it.

I am from the East of France. I lived 4 years in Paris. Love the city. It is actually a small place. A lot of shop owners still remember me. Going on a trip to Paris on the 19th to meet a pen-pal I never met before (we have been corresponding for 15 years!) He is from Hong-Kong. I am looking forward to this! I am also going to lie on the beach they build every summer and get a glorious tan.

I think it is a good thing you are seeking professional help for your marriage. How is that "being a doormat." A doormat would just sit home crying and not doing anything about her cheating husband. If your marriage is worth saving then you should at least try. If in the end it fails at least you have the knowledge that you did all you could to save it. You can walk away with your head held high.
As for your friend. Your the one in need a good friend would be there for you. It is up to her to be a support for you or not. Sounds to me like she has to much of her own baggage to deal with.