We argued tonight.

Well in case some of you did'nt read my thread in Genral Mental Health Issues, I'll give you a summary. I have had a crappy week and my husband is being a butthead about my panic and depression issues. He's embarrassed by them. And thinks because he has a physical illness and a job then I have nothing to complain about. Well tonight I kinda let him have it. I told him I'm sick and tired of feeling so alone. I have been having panic attacks and all he wants to do i tell me what I'm not doing for him. It does'nt matter if it's the house not getting cleaned or me not having a job he is on me about it 24/7. So I told him, in a nice and calm way, that I could'nt take it anymore. He was driving me crazy. I told him that he was inconsiderate and mean to me. And hurt my feelings alot. And he has'nt even asked me once how I have been since my best friend's death. No not once. But he has told me I needed to lose 40 lbs. After i got done with him he yelled at me. told me he did'nt have the luxurey of staying home all day doing nothing and he could'nt listen to my bull**** because he has a job and he has to work so he can take me places (he said that because I wanted to go to the fair but he said no because my panic attacks bother him) And how he wished I would get a job so I would know how he felt. I told him I wish you had PTSD so you knew how I felt (which I don't but I was hoping it would make him think, it did'nt) Then I told him if he did'nt learn how to listen to me and be a little more nicer about my issues then I would probably end up divorcing him. He quit talking to me. But I mean it. I'm tired of being made feel this way. I don't deserve this crap from him or anyone else. It pisses me off! I think I am gong to get a job just to show his arse up. The last time i had a job he accused me of not going to work and having an affair. All because that job was late on my paycheck and shorted me 3 hours. They made up for it on the next one though. He thinks that I should be able to control the way my mind thinks. I can't. i told him to try to control his Crohn's flares and see how that works. It don't and neither will controling my own mind. Anyway had to get that off my chest. He may not listen to what I say but he can't say I did'nt warn him when he comes home to an empty house. Cause I'm sick and tired.

Hugs Thunderbear!!

I think it's good that you spoke up. Depression and anxiety are an illness and he needs to undersatnd that... just because he goes off to work doesn't mean that you are sitting at home having a lovely old time.. the depression can be over whelming and panic attacks are just frightening.

Don't have any regrets about speaking up (i know if it was me once the anger went away I would feel guilty... but there is no reason to, so I just wanted to say that in advance!).

I hope he starts treaing you with more respect and love xx

Thank you Belle
Yeah he does think I'm just sitting here all pretty having a lovley old time. I tried to tell him about the thoughts in my head and the panic I feel all the time. How physicaly sick it makes me all that. But he does'nt understand. It would'nt be too bad if he tried but he does'nt even do that. I doubt I'll feel quilty about telling him like it was. He needed to hear it. I got over feeling guilty a long time ago. At least now he'll have something to think about at his holier than thou job. I don't mean to sound mean I'm just mad as hell right now.

get it all out that's what the forums are here for

He really needs to understand that depression and panic issues are an illness. Just like diabetes, just like asthma. Would he read a book about it to give him some perspective?

No I've tried that. I have even printed out things from here and he did'nt read them.

We argued again when he came home today. I tried to explain things to him but all he could talk about was how his clothes were'nt washed. As soon as he came home he started that. I tried to tell him my anxiety interfere with things like that, because it messes up my thinking and I just did'nt think about his clothes, I was thinking about how these headaches I have been having might be a brain tumor. Well he said "You can remember those passwords on the internet pretty good can't ya?" Well for his infomation all of my passwords are programmed in the computer. I don't even have to log into anything it does it automatically. I told him that. He said "You just don't even think about me and how I feel." If I had had a shoe handy I would have thrown it at him. Ever since his dx I have done everything to help him. Massaging him for an hour. Making sure he was comfortable. giving HIM someone to talk to. Trying to understand HIS problems. I told him he should try to understand where I'm coming from and he actually said he did'nt want to. Well that does it. Mabye if he's alone for a week or a month he'll see, mabye he won't. He was going on how he was tired of the fact that I did'nt do anything and the list of what I DID do woud be shorter. So I told him to go find him a nice normal woman. One who did'nt have issues. And that if he was tired of it then I would go somewhere else and we would both be happy. He said "How would that help?" I said "Well, you would'nt have to deal with me. You would be able to keep all your money. No more me having to beg your *** to understand and be there for me. That sounds like it would be good for you." He just stared at me. He started ranting and raving, I just ignored him. He said "look a you you don't even care how I feel." I said "Nope. I don't give a **** anymore. It sucks don't it. To talk to someone and not be listened to." So he just went and laid down for a nap. Oh well. I don't care. Why should I? I'm just giving him the respect he gives me. I'm not wasting my energy on worrying about him anymore.

Sorry this is going on, thunder.

I'm sorry this is happening too, thunder. I hope you are in therapy for yourself, and I'm assuming you are. You shouldn't have to put up with being belittled for your illness. My husband doesn't always understand either, but he wouldn't ever insult me for it. You deserve better treatment, and I hope you either get it from your husband, or have a great life without him. Hugs to you.

Thanks LoveBirdsFlying. Last night I made him listen to me. I can be like that. At first he was like "so what. anxiety. depression." so I told him the thoughts that go through my head on a daily basis. They are thoughts I do not post here because I don't want to trigger people. They are that bad. I think it scared him a little. He started asking me alot of questions like "how long has this been going on in your head?" and "why did'nt you tell me that in the first place?" I don't know. He acted sympathetic and like he was trying to understand. But I guess time will tell. People can act like anything they want. It's the doing that I pay attention to. I don't trust people enough to be straight when they tell me things. I got to see and feel his willingness to be more supportive.

Hope you got through to him, thunder.

((((((((thunderbear))))))))

At least you got him to stop and listen, that in itself is a major step forward,

Loving thoughts,

Rhi

Well I thought I did. But he got super jealous about 15 minutes ago for no apparent rason and read my instant messages on facebook. Just walked right in and read it. I can't take this. It is driving me crazier. Now i am paranoid as hell. I am worried he is looking over my shoulder. i thought he understood my mental state. He has'nt said anything about my panic attacks or anything. But now this. Yeah i cheated on him 6 years ago! He said he forgave me and all that after it happened and we talked about it. Now this! I don't even leave the driveway and he thinks I am having some kind of affai

So he's just not dealt with what happened. This must be so hard for you; but you don't need to be feeling paranoid.

My gorgeous man reads over my shoulder and though I don't particularly enjoy it and I've mentioned it once he makes a joke out of it ...puts his hand between his face and the puter when he talks to me lolll...or covers his eyes if I'm typing anything...makes me laugh, he's cute...but in your situation it sounds decidedly weird.

Pity he won't go to counselling it would make a big difference for him if he would let it. He needs to get back to basics and take a few deep breaths. But he may be sensitive to the puter because so many relationships start on facebook or through forums and chat rooms, and so many marriages are broken up because of it.

Give him a slap up the head and tell him I said wake up and behave

I have tried to get him to go to marriage counseling. But he don't belive in counseling. Before he read my instant message he started going through things that happened before we were together because "it just did'nt add up" I told him it did'nt have to that was before I even met him so he got mad came in here took the mouse out of my hand and started reading the IM I was typing on. I'm just tired. So so tired of all his crap. It is emotionaly draining. It is becoming phsycicaly draining. I could'nt even eat supper tonight because he had my nerves tore up.

That sounds awful thunderbear...how long does he think you can do this? I think that it's usually normal for some paranoia and jealousy but if it goes overboard (like mine did once), it can get dangerous to the relationship as well as the individuals.

I had an ex-husband who thought extra-marital affairs were written into the "contract" as he called it. Slammed the marriage certificate on the table and told me that he had bought me! I was bought and paid for and he could do what he wanted! When I think of that my toes curl and I want to explode...but I don't need to because he's gone out of my life now and my life is happy (apart from my raging mental illness).

I got jealous of my new partner because he's a looker...and my ex was a looker and a doer...so it made sense to me that the new guy was the same....I was wrong and nearly lost the relationship. I got some quick counselling and that took care of it because I was able to see it for what it is, unreasonable and irrational thinking. I am so glad that I know how to recognise the difference between abberated thought and reasonable thought...I'm sure it saved my life...

Loving thoughts,

Rhia

It's true, we can end up having emotional relationships over the internet that leave out the husbands & that can start up other relationships that do turn into cheating, so if your husband has the least amount of jeaslousy, that would make sense that he would react that way about the computer (not that you are actually doing anything).....but then if you aren't typing anything you don't care if he reads, then it's no big deal anyway.

Sounds like your husband hasn't really gotten over the affair that 6 years ago even though he says he has (actions speak louder than words).

I hope you will be able to work things out with him, but if you don't, living alone isn't such a bad thing....know I could never go back to my husband (we are only separated at this point, but living 2200 miles away from him after I left guarantees the separation is permanent.

There is no reason to take abuse, but if there is a possibility to work things out, that would also be a good thing if possible....but he has to work through his problems as much as you do....its a 2 way street!!!!!

Best wishes,
Debbie

Oh, he'll keep acting this way. I have cried so much tonight my eyes are swollen. I am shaking all over from nerves. It sucks because tomarrow or rather today, is our anniversery. I had some things planned that now just seems pointless. I was so excited all day thinking about what I had planned but now I don't have the energy. Or the want to.

Yeah I can see the emtional relationship thing, but I very rarely even chat on facebook. I get on check my messages if I have any, check my status of my friends and I get off. He knows that. I don't know what got into him tonight.