[uoffl]

I've always felt like I'm a hidden part in my boyfriend's life. I'm not introduced to his parents, any of his extended family members. His friends even stopped talking to me, and I feel isolated somehow. I used to get along so well with them when I was first introduced to them. I don't know what's going on, but I just recently found out that one of his cousin, and friends are still a really big part in his ex's life. I don't mean to say they can't be, I'm not selfish that way. But I wish I was introduced to them too, and then have the chance to find out why his friends stop talking to me. And that I'm somehow more involved in his life too you know, since his family and friends are big part of his life, so it's like his ex has an even bigger part in his life than I do. I don't know if it makes sense. But I feel so hurt right now that I know I must have the a low self-esteem to feel this hurt about that right? Can someone tell me what I can do to increase my self-esteem and not be bothered by this situation, please? I really need help.
I always thought I had a healthy level of self-esteem. Where did it go wrong?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey uoffl,

Relationships are either really simple or really complex there never seems to be a middle ground with them does there?

How long have you been seeing eachother?

Rhian

[AmDaws]

Rhiannonsmoon - too true.

Have you talked to your boyfriend about how this isolation makes you feel? You have every right to want to be involved in his life. If people truly care about each other, they should want to share their lives. I mean, not necessarily everything, especially if you haven't been together for a particularly long time. But, shared social lives are pretty important. If he isn't including you in his social life, then it's normal to be hurt by that. That doesn't mean you have a low self-esteem. You seem like a very mature and accepting person, especially since you're okay with him still having his ex in his life.

If you haven't talked to him about it, I recommend doing so. Communication is key. If you have, then, I'm sorry but don't have much more advice than that.

I hope it works out for you. Best of luck.

uoffl, something is really off here. i always assumed he must have treated all his girlfriends like he is treating you, but if not then why has he only hidden you? are you sure he isn't still seeing this other girl? i hate to suggest that but it would explain why he won't let you meet anyone in his family and why his friends don't like you. there is something really not right in this relationship of yours, uoffl. please don't stand for this. you always think there is something wrong with you but there never is. it is always him just treating you really poorly. you said previously he told his family about you but when on the phone with his mom he lied to her about being with you. there may be more of a reason why you are a secret than the reason he's giving you.

[uoffl]

Rhiannonsmoon, I've been in a relationship with him for 2 years and 3 months. This one is a pretty complicated one, I feel like I've been up and down on a roller coaster with loops...

AmDaws,
His ex isn't directly involved in his life, I think. As far as I know, he's always closed her off. I didn't tell him yet that it hurts me. I just repeatedly asked him when I can meet his family 'cause I'd really love to get to know them. He always says he's trying to choose an appropriate day when his mom isn't so busy so she can make dinner. That day hasn't come. I don't even need to have dinner, just to meet them and talk and let them get to know me too.

bloom3,
Sigh. I had a feeling he treated her much better than he treats me. It makes me feel like a really insignificant person, like I'm really bad to be treated this way 'cause I deserve it. I don't think he's seeing another girl as far as I know. He really honors honesty, so I think he wouldn't date someone else while we're in a committed relationship. I keep thinking, if I give him more time, things will change and improve. Whatever his reasons are, I realize he's not committed. I don't know how to respond to that though. What do you do when the person you want to be with, seems detached, ready to bolt yet not bolting. Is he keeping me around to feel safe? What is going on?

uoffl, perhaps you should ask him?

[uoffl]

TheByzantine,
We had discussions before, and the last time we talked about problems, this is what I understand from him, is that sometimes he's happy with me, sometimes he's not which is probably why his actions portrayed that he's not committed.

[Perna]

I take it you don't live together? Why do you not have other, your own friends? It sounds like, despite being together for a couple years, you're still "dating". I would work on my own life and interests of my own and maybe he'll make you a bigger part of his life and maybe you'll continue to drift apart. It sounds like his ex became friends with his friends and they have remained that way; how did you hear about his ex/friends if you do not see them, etc.?

[uoffl]

Perna,
I have my own friends. He wouldn't wanna hang out with my friends. They tried inviting him to our social gatherings and pot lucks but he always declines so they got tired of inviting so I went by myself. My family invites him to go to family events and occasions too and he declines. So this is how our relationship goes, we see each other once a week, and the rest of the time I have my own life and he has his.

It seems you have to choose between his idea of a relationship and moving on.

Good luck.

[uoffl]

TheByzantine,
I want my relationship with him to work out. Even though it's been hard, I can really see through the dark times and see that he's a good person. I just wish I know a way to make him happy somehow 'cause I know this situation is making neither one of us comfortable and both of us deserve better.
I think my posts probably start to sound annoying. But I thank you for your help, and thank you to everyone else who've taken the time to read my thread and given me advices.

[Belle1979]

((uoffl))

One thing that has taken me a long time to learn is that you can't make other people happy without losing something of yourself. You have to come first, when you are happy in yourself and in how your life is then others around you follow suit.
Self sacrifice to make others happy with in the long run just drain your and wear you out - in my experience.

[marjan]

Just know that time is a gold....don't waste it....

He may be a good person. Even so, for the relationship to be viable both of you need to be committed.

I wish you well.