The Married Man and I! PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

Dear dear VL, Really, You don't have to talk to her. NOT trying to be a shoulder for her to lean on is probably the best idea even She needs to find her own support group outside you and the cop. You can't fix her. You have yer hands full with your self, ya know? Guilt doesn't allow for clear thinking.
Just cause you were involved in her "breaking" doesn't mean you can be involved in her "fixing". Learn all you can from this whole mess, forgive yourself for learning the hard way, and peel yourself away from the patterns you decide don't work for you. Do one new thing to take care of yourself. I think that's what our will is for, to make us do what we know is best... HARD. HARD. HARD. But possible. Be strong, Be the change you want to see in your life. You can do it. One step at a time, noble nibble nibble yer way through.

VL, to someone who is hurting (the wife), this isn't a soap opera. it is real life, real time. real divorce, real lonely. it really bothers me that you'd say that it is a soap opera and you'll keep us posted. my husband left me for a much younger woman. it didn't feel like a soap opera to me when it happened. pat

Uh oh, fayerody, hope I too didn't offend you. I see this whole world as a soap opera, you know, like Shakespeare said,"The world is a stage and we each must play our part." Referring to the drama, not meaning to belittle the agony of the participants. And I, for one, asked to be kept posted as I care that VL work her stuff out in a positive way.
Sorry you're still hurting. Maybe you need to leave this thread alone for a while and take care of yourself some more.
Being betrayed is just such a mind f--k, hearbreaking, thing to get over. I care about your struggle too.

i only refered to it as a soap opera as if ever you watch them you see twists and turns and ironies and what not. No it sucks that she is hurting. I really feel for her. I wasn' t the total cause of it. This was long overdue, I was probably just the push needed. Married or not, some relationships are better left to be over with. Its not like I jsut stoled her husband. I did not. I really didn't plan this. It happened. Yes it is very unfortunate that he is married and she still is in love with him. BUt it is too late for that. There is nothing there. I love him terribly and refuse to give up. Through out this whole thread most of everyone was quick to judge and say leave it alone, walk away, it won't happen. Well it has happened, I won't leave it alone and I won't walk away. We have something special that is worth holding onto no matter how hard the struggle. Sometimes it just happens that there is someone else in the picture and they get hurt. I feel bad but I was not the downfall. It was long overdue. And even if no one is in my corner i don't care. I get the impression that no one really likes me here anyways and guess what, I don't care about that either. I am following my heart. And yes it has been hard but its been damn well worth it. I would fight tooth and nail for him. No matter that the circumstances are not in our favor I have faith that it will eventually come together. And knowing that it will makes it that much easier to go forward and wait it out. No it's not easy. But love isn't easy. It is not something that one can be chosey about. You feel it or you don't. I feel it. I have gone to far to lose it all now. There is something between him and I that can not be explained to people who are quick to point a figner and call me a sinner or what not just because he is married. Orf to those who say to give up. That he is playing me. THat there is only heartache. Mark my words, I would suffer a lifetime just to have him for a moment. IT is worth it. He is worth it. And it is real. Real life. Real time and real lonely for everyone. But I am sticking it out....It can be no other way.....sorry....

Thank you for your words. I am lonely I suppose. HE fills a void that I have had since I can remember. I think I would definatly be getitng different responses if he was not married. Then it would be wonderful that i was in love and great. This isnt the case. No one seems to care that even with it's drawbacks it is the best I have ever felt. That it is something that completes me.

I don't plan on having any more kids. I am getting the surgery the day after christmas. Tubal litigation. If I was someone else I would love nothing more than to have babies and a family however I am me and know I am jsut not the nurturing type. i plan on being wiht him for the rest of my days. I didn't think i would say this or ever feel it but yeah, he is the one. I knew it six years ago and i know it now. wife or no wife. she will soon be less of an issue. If ever she moves out completely. SHe has most her stuff still there although she isnt living there......no one has to tell me why this is I already know............regarless............we belong together and that is that..........

thank you

Dear VL, To be willing to suffer a lifetime for one minute with him, Oh girlfriend, that is such a high price to pay. Those of us, who advise you get out of this relationship, care about you. Most of us are old troopers who have seen so many young women go through this kind of situation, it breaks our hearts. We really do feel for you. Care about you. Want the best for you. It is from this experience we speak to you.

It is clear to me now, from your last post, that you are dug in and determined to stay your course come what may. Remember, you asked for help, in big letters, when you started this thread? What were you looking for that you haven't got?

I fear more hard lessons are coming your way and that makes me very sad. Nobody can tell you what to do but yourself. I hope you find what you're looking for. Peace.

I am glad it worked out for you. Very often it doesn't so that explains some of the discouraging advice. It was well meant. But NOBODY can give you THE GREAT answer, you know. Just something to fuel your thinking. To help you see all the sides. Don't forget that people give advice according to their own experience. It can be misleading. One should always try to point out the contradictions, the fishy things without drawing conclusions, even if it is very very hard.
I will never condemn you for wanted a married guy. If he got interested in you, his relationship was over, so it is better for everybody. In the long run.
His wife seems indeed desperate. That is normal. She may think you caused her ruin, so you owe her support now. That is very human and OK.
It happened to me once with a colleague. Her husband was unfaithful to her with me but only on a platonic level. Actually that is not different for her. Unfaithful is unfaithful.
She kept me hours on the phone even though she suspected me to have an affair with her husband. I went along because I sensed her dispair. I felt really glad for her when after the divorce she sounded happy on the phone. The guy is on a "I-want-to-stay-single-trip" now which suits me just fine coz I am not interested anymore.
Don't feel guilty but you may feel sorry for her.
I hope you will very happy with the man you chose.

you are right. I did ask for help in the beginning and I guess I did not like the replies I got. Regardless I do thank everyone for their input. Sorry I went off. Things are going great.