[Sunset-L]

People always brag about them being successfull in relationships and other things and I'm getting pretty sick of it.. Yesterday while I was at work there was a staff meeting & my employer announced that one of the coworkers daughter is getting married and the other daughter having a baby. I just sat there with just a plain look on my face. A few weeks ago we received e-mail announcing one of the other coworkers wedding engagement, I just deleted the e-mail. In public whenever I hear people like that I walk away. I've been through so much failure in my life especially in getting into loving relationships that the last thing I need is people rubbing their success in my face. I like to tell these people to just DROP DEAD! People like that make me sick!

[Perna]

I wouldn't care either if I were you, especially if you don't know the people. But I wouldn't take it personally; they're not "rubbing their success in [your] face". If I know the people, I care if they are happy; whether that is buying a new house, having a baby, getting married, getting a promotion. If it's something they want, great! But their life is no reflection on my life and what I want.

One can't have friends or loving relationships if one doesn't care about the other. All the rest one can be neutral about but not the one in one's life. Negativity about others who inhabit one's life is really just negativity about one's self. What do you want "better"? You have to practice whatever it is.

[Sunset-L]

Originally Posted by Perna

If I know the people, I care if they are happy.
One can't have friends or loving relationships if one doesn't care about the other.

Why should I care about people if people don't care about me. I don't even give a crap about my own family in fact I don't care about anything anymore. I've grown a lot more bitter after the way I've been treated and I'll grow even more bitter when I get a lot more older. One day if a person is lying on a street bleeding I'll just keep walking b/c that's how I think the world is to me..

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Sunset-L

Why should I care about people if people don't care about me. I don't even give a crap about my own family in fact I don't care about anything anymore. I've grown a lot more bitter after the way I've been treated and I'll grow even more bitter when I get a lot more older. One day if a person is lying on a street bleeding I'll just keep walking b/c that's how I think the world is to me..

Definitely an over-generalization. There are many people in this world that actually do care about you, and you may not even know them! Hard to believe, I know. But it's true.

I can see that you're hurting inside. Pushing other people and their happiness aside is understandable. It hurts to see others happy and celebrating when you're in such pain and misery. You don't want any more pain in your life. I understand. I've been there. Anger is much easier and more acceptable to express. It's not re-living the pain. Instead, the trigger of the emotion is kind of tweaked.

For example, sadness is the hardest emotion for me to work through. As a result, I often turn and lash out anger at someone, rather than deal with the sadness that I feel. I can't explain why ~ I've just recently noticed that it's something I do.

Gentle hugs to you, Sunset-L. I hope that you're working with someone, to get through these dark times in life. It isn't fun or easy.

[Cowboybud]

Originally Posted by Sunset-L

People always brag about them being successfull in relationships and other things and I'm getting pretty sick of it.. Yesterday while I was at work there was a staff meeting & my employer announced that one of the coworkers daughter is getting married and the other daughter having a baby. I just sat there with just a plain look on my face. A few weeks ago we received e-mail announcing one of the other coworkers wedding engagement, I just deleted the e-mail. In public whenever I hear people like that I walk away. I've been through so much failure in my life especially in getting into loving relationships that the last thing I need is people rubbing their success in my face. I like to tell these people to just DROP DEAD! People like that make me sick!

This.........

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Sunset-L

This is really bitter. Not suggesting you aren't allowed to be at all; but wishing them ill isn't going to help your inability to meet the right person or right kind of person.

If all attempts at relationships have failed, then look at where you are meeting them, where are you going in order to find a mate? If you're going to bars you're only going to meet drinkers or kareoke singers (Arrrrrgghh!).

If you want someone who is into health and no drink, start visiting sports events, regattas etc (as long as you know they'll spend a lot of time on their sport), or frequent the womens or mens departments of high end shopping chains...where you go reflects where you will meet the type of person you are looking for,

Take it easy and look forward

[NuckingFutz]

Wow! Sounds like you have really gotten the shaft a lot in life. I recognising your anger. Thought I'd give a shot to let you know I use to carry the pain of your kind of anger. I almost died because of it. It is very toxic to your health. Maybe you can do some anger management? I know you are bitter but I also know you are reaching out in posting this. You had to register to post on the forums to let other people (the beings you say you do not care about) read how you are feeling. I is a very smart being. Why would you post if you do not care about other people? You sound really full of pain. I wish I could take it away.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by Sunset-L

Why should I care about people if people don't care about me. I don't even give a crap about my own family in fact I don't care about anything anymore. I've grown a lot more bitter after the way I've been treated and I'll grow even more bitter when I get a lot more older. One day if a person is lying on a street bleeding I'll just keep walking b/c that's how I think the world is to me..

If you think the world is ignoring you, which seems to be the basis of your anger, and the basis of your bitterness you didn't get what you wanted then that is definitely your choice.

I will just say however that the more you behave this way the less likely you are to be successful at a loving relationship, happy life and successfull career. And if it comes down to you not wanting to do the work to have any of those things then you actually do forfeit the right have them.

It would be nice for you if you were to change that atittude, and nice for the people who accidentally step in your field of vision at any given point. But you are wrong in saying people ignore you because there are several here who are not, moi inculded...

[sanityseeker]

Hi Sunset.... like others I can relate to your anger and frustration. Anger is so present when I am in pain. I have cut people out of my life and claimed to not need anyone's help for anything just to affirm my right to be bitter about how people had treated me.

When I started to challenge my pattern of pushing people away I started to see other issues at play. Underneath the anger were a whole array of other emotions I didn't have the skills to process.

There was some jealousy because it pained me to see people living full lives while my condition continued to take more and more peices of mine away from me. Their success was a reminder of my failings. My inadequacies. My inability to measure up. There was some self loathing that would naturally follow and then the flash backs would re-inflict their pain. I would then transfer the anger mask to attack (usually privately in my journal ranting or in my own head) whoever triggered the cycle of thinking that brought it forward again.

I remember one day asking myself how was it working for me to walk around so angry with the world all the time. I had been in this miserable, angry, bitter place for a long time and was starting to feel physiclly ill from the effects. Authentically I am a very caring and engaging person. People are drawn to me for comfort and encouragement. They had no idea the battle that would rage in my head sometimes.

I knew better intellectually and spiritually then to let anger own me. I knew anger was just a mask for something else. I knew what I really felt was sadness and lonliness and bitterness and even hopelessness but I just wasn't able to own any of them. To face them was much too painful. I had no resolution for them. I had tried and failed so many times to achieve some happiness that I found myself in this constant state of mad just to block out my other feelings. If I couldn't change them then I would just stay mad and miserable was my theory. I surely mastered miserable and all it did was make me sick.

Beware of the toxic effects of masking anger. At some point you will need to face the real emotions behind the bitterness. The recentment built over time. It is a reaction of the sense of hopelessness that negative experiences with people creates. When people let you down time after time.... when you feel outside the circle..... when you are abused and victimized by people who are suppose to care about you, protect you, be there for you.... when life gives you garbage it is hard to see anything but garbage.

Even though justified, being angry about the raw deal won't change the deal. Facing the real feelings the raw deal left you with can change everything. It takes work. It takes help. It isn't easy but it is absolutely necessary. Sooner or later we all have to get real with ourselves and be willing to fight for our own happiness.

When we can't acknowledge or share the joy of someone else's happiness is a pretty strong indicator that we need to muster the courage and commit to the work of looking hard at what is really behind the anger.

I know it isn't easy to go deep. It is down right painful until you find the break you need to get through to the other side. There is another side and it is from there that you can begin to attract and nurture those things you want for your own life.... including a loving relationship.

You have all of us in your corner if you want us to be. Take good care.

It sounds to me like depression. I know because I have it and I am feeling as emotionless and indifferent about others including those who love me dearly. However, the knowledge that it is depression enables me to push myself into activities that I may not feel thrilled about, but I know it is for my own good. Otherwise, I am giving in to the condition. The hardest part of acknowledgin the depression was first admitting that my anger is from within and I was throwing it outward to all of those around me. Feelings of Jealousy, resentment, the desire to be alone, from all others who seemed to have a life.

Yes, there are others from your lief who have hurt you deeply. I still struggle, after 25 years of work and educational advancement, to acquire a decent job. THe fury I feel toward employers is unfathomable. However, I realize this and have to help myself try to let go of it. It is difficult when I am constantly overlooked for professional jobs and have to take minimum wage work.

Please, if you notice any patterns you have been making in your life, try to become aware of it and change a few things. I am noticing that I fear rejection so I avoid even applying. I am determining my own failure. I don't want to get hurt by men so I avoid socializing witth them. Don't forget to hug yourself too and tell others, even if you don't feel it, that you are happy for them.

[Inkling]

Wow, I really liked this post. A lot of it described myself. Sunset I feel for you because I know how it feels. I hope you keep trying. A lot of great advice in this post.

[beatbyadifferdrum]

Originally Posted by Sunset-L

Why should I care about people if people don't care about me. I don't even give a crap about my own family in fact I don't care about anything anymore. I've grown a lot more bitter after the way I've been treated and I'll grow even more bitter when I get a lot more older. One day if a person is lying on a street bleeding I'll just keep walking b/c that's how I think the world is to me..

And if I was to pass you on the street and smile would you pull a gun and shoot me?
So the world craps on all of us. But to bring yourself to the level of those in your past is not getting you anywhere.
What if that person on the street bleeding ended up thanking you?
Or becoming your best friend?
Or went on in life to finding a cure for breast cancer?

[dancingonwheels]

Writing about it actually says the opposite, that you in fact give a crap about other people's happy moments. My only suggestion is to focus on yourself, let other people be. Try to created happy moments for you.

[Sunset-L]

Originally Posted by dancingonwheels

Focus on yourself, let other people be.

I don't give a crap about myself or any1 else for that matter and other people should LEAVE ME be.. So don't give me none of your BS!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

If you want to be left alone and you don't want other peoples "BS" why did you post in the first place?

Going purely by your posts you're a very sad and angry person who needs counselling and support.

You need people to recognise your anger and how bitter it is. All the sympathy in the world will not make anything better for you because you don't seem to want it better in any way.

There are people who are perfectly happy being miserable and mean but it is a choice that is consciously and deliberately made. I'll just let you know right now that I am in no way affected by your anger because I don't take it on board, it isn't mine and there is no way I want to feel what you are feeling.

Take care,

Rhiannon

[venusss]

People are not "bragging" about their happiness, they are happy. And they wanna talk about it. So what? This is gonna sound offensive: but do you want the world be miserabe, just because you are? It was a work meeting... there are people who care, and marriage in family is big enough announcement to be considered big news... I bet all the money on my saving account that she is not getting married to rub it in your face

Why not focus on you? Snatch a bit of happiness for yourself. If you can't get a satisfying relationship... try at work. Or get a worthwile hobby to absorb... Learn the art of photography or master a language or learn to knit... Learning how to deal with too-bright-lighting or past present can surely take your mind from misery, at least for a moment... I know that, I've been there... And it's very satisfying to hear: "wow, you speak English really well," or "That is an amazing photograph!". It does miracles to your self-esteem to hear something like that.

[NuckingFutz]

I am not real clear about the part where you want to be left alone. Have you considered what that means to your health? In the isolation studies that were done the results were rapid decline in overall physical health and premature death. Is this a new form of SI maybe?

[lynn P.]

I'm wondering if your post was just on a bad day and this is a rant. I've had moments like this where I feel really nasty. Usually behind anger is real pain, hurt and fear - maybe you're frustrated with past relationships and worried about the future. Like Nucking Futz said -carrying around this anger isn't healthy for you. You don't have to care about their happiness but don't let it bother you. Actually relationships are hard work and highly over rated lol.

Sometimes I feel that nothing ever good will ever come my way, I'll never meet that "special someone" ever again. It's not that I don't care about other people's happiness, it's how i've been treated by people in the past. My family really has no contact at all with me, I have no idea why, my sister insists on "email" all the time, and won't pick up the phone. When she does email, it's rarely asking me how i'm doing. We always end up in an argument. I try and tell her positive things i'm trying to do with my life, and all I get is not much of a reaction, just "Oh". She doesn't know how I really feel, neither does my brother. I don't know why we can't all just be a family, especially that i live 8 hrs away and i'm by myself. I feel like it's because I don't have kids, and they do, so she feels like she has nothing in common with me, how stupid would that be. I hate feeling like I have no family. What does everyone think? I'd appreciate some feelings.

Originally Posted by Sunset-L

People always brag about them being successfull in relationships and other things and I'm getting pretty sick of it.. Yesterday while I was at work there was a staff meeting & my employer announced that one of the coworkers daughter is getting married and the other daughter having a baby. I just sat there with just a plain look on my face. A few weeks ago we received e-mail announcing one of the other coworkers wedding engagement, I just deleted the e-mail. In public whenever I hear people like that I walk away. I've been through so much failure in my life especially in getting into loving relationships that the last thing I need is people rubbing their success in my face. I like to tell these people to just DROP DEAD! People like that make me sick!

Well...I've been there. I'd hear somebody's good news and it would make me want to vomit.

If you don't feel happy for someone, you're not required to do so. You feel what you feel. Period.

Since your not asking about what you can do to deal with this, I'm guessing you posted this just to vent. That's fine.

Good things happen to everyone.

The waiting sucks- but you'll get your good news. When you do, you'll probably piss someone else off with it.

[sdcg76]

Originally Posted by Deborah35

Sometimes I feel that nothing ever good will ever come my way, I'll never meet that "special someone" ever again. It's not that I don't care about other people's happiness, it's how i've been treated by people in the past. My family really has no contact at all with me, I have no idea why, my sister insists on "email" all the time, and won't pick up the phone. When she does email, it's rarely asking me how i'm doing. We always end up in an argument. I try and tell her positive things i'm trying to do with my life, and all I get is not much of a reaction, just "Oh". She doesn't know how I really feel, neither does my brother. I don't know why we can't all just be a family, especially that i live 8 hrs away and i'm by myself. I feel like it's because I don't have kids, and they do, so she feels like she has nothing in common with me, how stupid would that be. I hate feeling like I have no family. What does everyone think? I'd appreciate some feelings.

Hi Deborah, that sounds a little like my "family." I live in the same city as my sister and we aren't close at all(I'm the 'black sheep' I guess). I used to be sad about it but not anymore because my life has to go on. She finally called me after three months of not speaking to say she "missed" me and wanted me to come over so I relunctantly did and after a couple hours of going down memory lane I realized I didn't miss the "sisterly love." As for as the whole idea of "family" my circle of friends have always been that. So for me just because you share a bloodline doesn't mean family. I hope everything works out for you and that you guys get close.