What should I do?

This is my situation. I'm 20 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for over two years. He's the first (and only) person I've ever had sex with. The problem is, the sex is very bad. He's very enthusiastic and up for anything but when it comes down to it it's just awful. To be honest, he just has a very small penis. And like I said, I've never had sex with anyone else before but it just seems like he's not very good at it, although he's claimed to have had sex with four or five people before me. Then, to make things worse, he recently had a stroke that left him handicapped on his right side. It was about eight months ago now so he can walk a little and move his arm but not very well. So that makes the positions that we can do very very limited. I love him so much and this isn't a dealbreaker but I just don't know how to tell him how bad it is. I've probably had a REAL orgasm from sex with him two or three times the whole time we've been dating. How am I supposed to tell him that? And how can I make it better when he can't help the size of his penis or the fact that he can't really move very well or support his own weight right now? All I want is for sex to be good and I'm sick of faking it but right now it just seems hopeless. I'm not sure if this is too inappropriate for this website but I really need someone's opinion on this.

This should really be in the sexual forum.

Penis size really is not a factor in this, its technique, I would suggest a good book (but cant think of one so I am really no use to you lol).

Or a good web site, something to give you both ideas on what you might or not might to try ?

I have had several lovers with various size penises and I swear its nothing to do with it.

You need to talk to your partner about this. I am sure someone will come up with a good book/web site for you both to look at.

Even with a handicap making love can be fantastic.

This is a sincere question - how do you know it's small, if he's your 1st partner? I hope you're not comparing him to porn guys? I agree with Tishie that size isn't too important as technique is. I'm sorry to hear about his stroke.

What I don't recommend is, telling him he has a small penis - this would crush his ego for sure and you don't want to tell him you think he's not good at it. It takes two to tango and you can teach him how you want to be pleased.

A high number of women don't experience orgasm during intercourse itself (some do). He could perform orally on you or you can stimulate yourself during the act. Let him know what you need and have him do the same. If he can't do the various positions right now, then you can be the one in charge. It's important for the approach to be caring rather than critical. Here's a couple book suggestions:

1. Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex
2. Great American Sex Diet

You should buy him the book "She Comes First." Have a look at it and see if it gets at what you're after, and give it to him as a present. I believe it's possible to ask to have your needs met in a gentle, non-judgemental way. His endowment can't be helped, but if you really do love him, then being (gently) honest with him about the things that CAN be helped, like technique, will go a long way towards improving your sex life, and your intimacy with each other in general. As an added "bonus," if it doesn't work out eventually, at least you've given him some pointers!

I mean I've dated other guys and so it's not like I've never seen a penis before. But either way it's definitely small...I mean he's even apologized to me about it before. And we do have oral sex and I have no problems with that it's good. It's just the sex itself it just so bad I feel like there's no hope for it to get better. How am I supposed to teach him if I don't even know what I'm doing. There's one position that feels kind of okay...but he can only do it for two seconds before he has to change because he gets tired and it hurts his leg. It's just really frustrating.

Do you accept him with what you say is his "small penis?" do you think that there are things about you physically that he may wish were different, but he accepts you anyway? I can tell you that if you tell him he is bad in bed, and has a small penis, you will crush him, and will make him not want to be intimate with you again. For a man to hear that is a death blow.

I put a trigger cause I don't know if I'm being too graphic for this section. Perhaps the whole thread should be moved?

Okay, so I should probably preface this response with a little information of my own... I'm 23, been with my boyfriend since I was 18 as well, and he's the only boy I've ever had sex with. Oh yeah, and a biggie, I've never once had an orgasm. From what I've found is that most girls don't have orgasms from sex alone, most of us need some other stimulation. Also, I've heard (and I'm not sure this is true, I've heard this from people, not doctors), that some girls aren't at a point in their life where they can have orgasms until they get a little older (again, I have no idea if this is true, but I wouldn't be surprised because I know I'm not the only one who hasn't orgasmed). When I mentioned this to my doctor, she said we just had to keep exploring each other (personally, I think that's bull, and that I"m either hung up mentally or screwed over from the prozac/all the other drugs I used to be on...) I've also heard if you think about it too much, you're not letting yourself relax and enjoy the moment, and then it won't happen.

So, here's what I would recommend. (Again, keep in mind, still haven't reached the big O over here), but relax. Try to not think about things you're not liking about whats happening and what you do like. Maybe read some books yourself, I've heard of a lot of good ones out there, there must be something helpful in some of those pages. Also, don't put all the pressure on him in the bedroom to please you. Sometimes, you gotta please yourself, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind watching that or helping out. Lastly, and it's kind of back to the same point, is maybe right now isn't the best time to be worrying about sex. He recently had a stroke, is still recovering, and might still have some emotional/mental hang ups, and maybe right now he still needs your understanding and love. Don't get me wrong, I know you need love and affection and all of that too, but I'm just worried, that if you're in this for the long haul, that right now might not be the best time to talk about this. Try to make things more enjoyable without burdening him. Gently ask him to do something differently while you're in the moment, like "Hunny, I really like it when you..." I also wouldn't recommend faking it anymore. I feel like that's self defeating because neither of you will ever learn what you really like if you keep cutting it short.

Good luck!!!

Have you tried the "on top" position? That position maximises penetration and uses up no energy for the one underneath.

It isn't unusual for a woman not to orgasm but you have stated a couple of times that it is pretty awful and I can tell you really mean it.

What I found helpful was discussing "Body Rythm"; getting to know each others bodies and the way they respond to each other. Spending more time on foreplay, experiencing the skin as the second most sensual part of the body.

One thing that I amazingly did find is that as a muscle the it is used the bigger it becomes. And rather than having sex every time we were together we slowed it down and made love every three to four days, and because we spend time touching and enjoying each others skin and built up to sex rather than just diving straight in, it lasted and was pleasurable.

Sometimes we have to work on making it better rather than just hope it will get better. I hope for you that you are able to work on it and come to enjoy it, no pun intended.

I feel like I don't know what to do when I'm on top. Haha

harmlesstree, it looks like you are looking for us to tell you it is okay to dump your boyfriend because it is "his fault". Many here have suggested books and sites to help you, and your last answer is "I don't know what to do". Luv, is it that you are looking for us to tell you it's all right to break off with him? That is your right and responsibility if that is what you want - but to criticize your fellow and say "I don't know" after you've been given suggestions says to me you don't want to take that responsibility, or to do the work to make it nice. Do what is right for you, but take responsibility for your choices, and keep in mind that it might not just be him... it takes two to have bad or good sex.

No that's not what I'm saying at all. I definitely am not even considering dumping him. I meant I don't know what to do when I'm on top. As in when having sex I don't know what to do on top. I feel like it doesn't feel good for either of us.

I am 30 years old (almost 31) and the only time I have orgasmed is with foreplay.. during foreplay.. the touching, learning about each other and teasing.. great build up to the actual act.
i have had a few boyfriends and to be honest the first one I had from 16 - 22 was the BEST when it came to sex. He was 'small' but it's the size that matters I have found... bigger can be a bit frightening and make me tense up LOL.
My first and i tried everything that we could think of, read about or seen (yes we did watch porn together).
You say you don't think it feels good when you are on top.... TALK about it... ask the question, "hey, does that feel good for you?"...
You will probably find that if he says "yes" you will feel more confident in what you are doing and will enjoy everything more.
Talking about sex can be a turn on in it's self, it's all part of learning!